General Christopher Robin (the Disney Movie) and feeling suicidal

[Freida]

it was important for him to tell me he thinks ChristopherRobin has ptsd.

I think this is the crucial point -- it opened the door to him identifying with someone with ptsd so it made it safe to talk about it.

hen I say “You do not HAVE to discuss this with me at all“ and he says he WANTS to discuss it but later... and whenever I ask him about it he just tells me “later“. Sometimes I do think that men are very weird.

LOL yes, yes they are!

 

[Never_falter2]

I have been talking to a relative... actually about how I am worried by this and by the otherthings I described on this board... (like having a lousy diet) and then she thinks that there is not much one can do... we talked about calling a spouse-of-a-vet-with-ptsd-hotline that exists in our country... but then we weren’t sure if they would be able to help and if it was unfair for people having more severe problems... oh, well, and I am a bit afraid that they will ridicule us and say our problems are not really bad and that I should call back if vet starts chasing me with a loaded gin or tells me he is gonna hurt himself tomorrow (just of examples of bad problems other callers might have). As I told you Vet is not really planing to hurt himself. He sometimes has bad thoughts and is afraid he might have a nervous breakdown one day and might want to hurt himself then... but he always made very clear that he would never hurt himself in his current mental state but only if he had a nervous breakdown... after the breakdown so to speak... know what I mean? Also he made clear that he will reach out for help if there is ever the real danger that he might hurt himself.

I mean I am not in an emergency situation... but I am just not sure if it is okay to do nothing... in the long run I mean.

Does this all sound very stupid and silly?

 

[Friday]

but then we weren’t sure if they would be able to help and if it was unfair for people having more severe problems.

Conversely, there may be someone simply sitting there bored out of their minds wanting to be there to help people, but no one is calling because everyone thinks everyone else’s problems are bigger and more important.

AKA ... Don’t do their triage for them.

The program I use is actually set up for vets who are in a much better place than I am (it assumes they’re registered students, or working, which means they’re able to be. I haven’t been able to be that functional in a long time.). I STILL don’t want to use it, as I’m not new, I’m not in crisis, I’m not scared by any of this, etc. There are so many people who are either in much worse positions or in much greater distress. Yet, in theory, because I’m so much less functional than other people in this particular program, I “should” have a higher level of care. Not the one I’m in, much less a “lesser” one. The Director of all the programs still lets me attend. Let isn’t exactly the right word. Encourages me strongly to attend, which he can do, because he’s the therapist in it. And Because there is no way on earth he could get me to do a higher level of care. Anyone less than the director might not allow me in this program because I “need” a higher level of care. (I’m fine. I don’t “need” anything.)

This phone service? Might be only for spouses in crisis, and they refer daily problems elsewhere. It might be only for spouses who have a series of small problems, and they refer the crisis people elsewhere.

Try to not do their job for them. You’re a spouse of a PTSD vet. The line is for spouses of PTSD vets. Start there.

My 2 cents.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Never_falter2 I think calling the help line will be beneficial if it will help YOU manage your stress and fears. If it’s for spouses, I’d call if YOU personally need some help getting along with the stress of dealing with seeing him symptomatic, have questions, or if you need reassurance that he really is OK.

I am just not sure if it is okay to do nothing...

Hon, you cannot fix his PTSD. That’s what sucks about being a supporter. Sometimes we have to just do nothing. You are doing everything you can do by being supportive, listening, and trying to keep an eye on his general well being. He has to work through everything else on his own in therapy. If he is in therapy and working on it, that is the biggest part of the battle.

Your husband has been diagnosed with PTSD, so it’s pretty standard that he is going to experience PTSD symptoms. That doesn’t mean it won’t freak you out the first time you see a new symptom. The first time we notice something “off” with our partners is always a little scary and confusing, especially since it isn’t always easy to figure out if it really is the PTSD or something else going on. Seeing them get more symptomatic is always stressful and scary as well. Yes, it’s very hard on them, but it’s very hard seeing it happen to your love and being able to accept that you’re helpless to do anything about it.

 

[Freida]

Try to not do their job for them. You’re a spouse of a PTSD vet. The line is for spouses of PTSD vets. Start there.

This!!!! It's like the people who won't call 911 because they don't think they have an emergency. Ugh. I'm doing my nails and waiting for the phone to ring but the person out there doesn't want to bother us and then they realize their house really is on fireand

I agree this line is for YOU. They are there for YOU. let them hear your story and decide what needs to happen next. They might just surprise you. :hug:

 

[Never_falter2]

Thank you all so much ❤❤❤
[QUOTE="Sweetpea76, post: 1546499, member: 18390“]or if you need reassurance that he really is OK.[/QUOTE]

Exactly this. Vet promised me that he won’t hurt himself ad that he will seek help immediately if he is ever in danger of hurting himself and that he will take good care of himself. In fact he gave me his word as a German vet (in our country we say that the word a vet is worth really much, because their word is their bond).

I just want to get some reassurance that he is okay and that he knows what he is doing (even if he is eating crappy and not talking to me about stuff).

 

[Never_falter2]

Problem No. 2: I think it’s illoyal... but it isn’t, is it?
Are some of the things I shared here very embarrassing? I want to ask them about suicidal ideation (which is not embarrassing) but I also want to ask how they think about Vet sometimes using wine to self medicate and how they think about eating far too many cupcakes/not eating at all. Is this the kind of question that is is okay to ask?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Is it anonymous?

I don’t think it’s disloyal to ask questions if your concerned if it’s anonymous. As far as embarrassing, you’re talking about fairly common coping mechanisms, so it won’t be anything they haven’t heard before.

 

[Never_falter2]

You can remain anonymous if you wish to. However the other time I called an anonymous phone line (it was because of something different) I started the call with “Hello, this is Never_falter2...“, because I am so used to start every phone call like this... but then of course I can still hang up the phone if I happen to mention my name, can’t I? I am also a bit paranoid and think they can find Usus by the info I give them.
But more then this... I feel disloyal even if it makes no sense. That’s just a feeling like I should not be talking about this because it is too embarrassing, but it is not that embarrassing, is it?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Are you embarrassed? Or are you afraid he will be embarrassed?

 

[Freida]

You seem really worried about being recognized. Do you know why? Don't get me wrong, I'm all about anonymity --- that's why I'm here! :) But giving my first name to the person at the crisis line seems ok... There are lots of people with my name. :laugh: Maybe a quick check in on why it scares you so much to ask questions?

I don't think you are being disloyal if you are trying to find out the best ways to help him. Sometimes it is better to get that info outside of your relationship because it's easier to talk to people who are coming from the same place you are. Just like supporters don't always understand what sufferers are going thru, some times I (as a sufferer) don't have a clue about the toll it takes on you.

too much wine, too many cupcakes, too much ice cream? Yep - comfort food. I've done all three - sometimes at the same time! :laugh: I think on the "things to be worried about" level it would depend on how much is too much. Downing three bottles of wine a night? Eating gallons of ice cream and nothing else? Those may be indications that he isn't coping well. ..but it also can depend on how long it's been happening. A couple weeks? meh. Six months? Might be a problem.

I had to learn to regulate everything else before I started worriyng about food and wine.... which meant I put on 30 pounds :( I'm just now in a place where I am starting to fix my eating habits...because I have the energy to concentrate on it.

Hope that helps???

 

[Never_falter2]

Are you embarrassed? Or are you afraid he will be embarrassed?

Actually both. Both of us are embarrassed. I think he is more embarrassed than I am but I am also a bit embarrassed... have to say that.
I think talking about liquor is okay for me... but talking about his gut issues... dunno why... I‘ll ask... when Vet was not feeling well I made him hot water bottles and massaged his stomach... plus sometimes he eats really silly things like mashed banana... they will think like: „how old is he? Two? Why do you baby him?“...
and talking about suicidal indentation... I think I need to cry when I talk about it. This will be embarrassing.