Therapist’s tone of voice

[piratelady]

I’m not really sure if this is the right forum for this question or not. I had therapy yesterday. The intent was for it to be a lighter session. We’ve been pushing through the trauma almost non-stop for quite a while, he thought we should shift for a bit to less difficult material before we dive back in.

So in my appointment yesterday, towards the end, he asked what should have been a pretty innocuous question, if I’m easily influenced by others, like for example if a friend asked me to do something I know I shouldn’t, how easily it is to convince me. So I replied about my fear of consequences, to which he asked what the consequences were. Well that triggered a flashback. He noticed pretty quickly.

I’ve been thinking about the appointment a lot today. When we talk throughout the appointment, he has a very gentle and calming voice. I remembered yesterday when I was kind of frozen in my flashback and quit talking. Eventually I just shook my head and asked what the question was (I couldn’t remember). He repeated it, but in a much more assertive, slightly louder kind of stern voice, “I asked you what the consequences were.”

After that, when I was talking a bit more again he was back to calm gentle voice. I just thinking or wondering why he would have been louder all of the sudden. Like is that supposed to be grounding?

 

[barefoot]

When I’m dissociating or even just starting to get a bit spacey and finding it hard to concentrate because my mind is floating off somewhere, my T does this too. She speaks more loudly and in a sharper tone.

It does seem to help get me more present...it helps to jolt me out of being zoned out or lost in my fuzzy thoughts and gets my head back in the room.

A few times, she has actually really made me jump and I’ve practically leapt out of my skin and whooped! She apologised those times but I was fine with it - it was pretty much instant grounding!

Did you find it helpful in the moment?

 

[EveHarrington]

*puzzled*

You’ve never experienced this in real life?

It’s an extremely common thing when someone asks for another person to repeat what they said. That is, when asked to repeat something, the speaker oftentimes raises their voice, talks slower, etc. I mean, the receiver has indicated that for some reason they didn’t understand what was said, so why would the speaker just continue to say it in the exact same way?

It has nothing whatsoever to do with therapeutic grounding.

 

[Justmehere]

A flashback means you were reliving the past as if it's happening now. I’ve found that when the past floods in, via flashbacks or intrusive memories, the kindest tones can sound harsher than they really are. The fog of the past colors how I take in the now.

Flashbacks are dissociative. As you shut down and didn’t respond until you asked him to relay the question, it makes sense that he would speak a little louder. He was already speaking softly, and maybe he wanted to make sure you heard it in order to bring you back into the here and now and connection with him.

Most of all, might be good to ask him why he spoke the way he did.

 

[piratelady]

Did you find it helpful in the moment

It was helpful in the moment, but now I’m just kind of stuck on it. Like I’ve been able to let the content of the flashback go until we talk about it in therapy again, but I just can’t get his question out of my head. It’s weird.

it makes sense that he would speak a little louder

You’ve never experienced this in real life?

It’s not the louder part, but the tone of his voice. Well both, but it’s the time of his voice that I’m stuck on and keep replaying.

The fog of the past colors how I take in the now

Maybe I heard it worse than it actually was.

 

[blackemerald1]

If you have only ever heard one tone from him and not this more assertive tone (if indeed it wasn't your flashback foggy memory) as JMH described.. maybe it's bc you haven't heard him call you back before?

Does it invoke anything or any thoughts when you think about it? That might be worth exploring too.?

 

[piratelady]

maybe it's bc you haven't heard him call you back before?

No he hasn’t had to before. Normally I stay present pretty well or I can bring myself back faster.

Does it invoke anything or any thoughts when you think about it? That might be worth exploring too.?

I do feel as though I did something wrong. The flashback was about being punished so I guess it makes sense that I would read more into his tone of voice than I normally do.

 

[Emotional girl]

I don't think you did anything wrong and he probably just said it a bit louder to get you back into the room again.
I drift off and dissociate quite a bit in therapy and quite often I have found that my therapist voice will go from quiet and calm to more assertive or he would say my name to bring me back.
Maybe next session it is something you could bring up as well as the flashback you had.

 

[Tinyflame]

I do feel as though I did something wrong. The flashback was about being punished so I guess it makes sense that I would read more into his tone of voice than I normally do.

That was probably most of it, or even virtually all of it.

I can be 'bad' that way, too; sometimes I think it's just because my mind is so afraid.

I only once -maybe a few rare others times?- can recall recognizing a voice after a FB and it didn't seem too much louder, just recognizable and calming, so 'louder' in the sense of louder than what else I was 'seeing' and 'hearing' (which was from 'then').

I think it's ok. :hug:

 

[grit]

My first reaction was you were in transference and all your senses were in the past so of course even a child's cry could have sounded like a bomb explosion!

If I were you what I would take from this experience is that when I am in the past, in reactive mode, I hear anger or aggression or weird tones! and take it as wow lesson learned. Rather than trying to pin this on a great therapist whom you have enjoyed working with for so long.

If you stay on this road of thinking he did something wrong it is like you are eating your own tail. His voice changed only because your senses changed like an expecting mother that has an acute sense of smell all of sudden. Your past had strong tones and you were in the past that second and of course even the wind was probably cold and hard to breathe!

count your blessing you pinpoint another great find in your healing.