Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

@zombycat Thank you! I have rewritten it, but I already emailed it to her with a short and lame explanation as to why I suck at it, but mostly I just told her in a formal way that I would really love to have her look at another assignment.

Realized I’m the “broken bird” trope though and now I hope I find a cliche person to love. Feeling lonely (romantically, anyway). (Well, in other ways too. I’m sure as hell not going to date right now so I can get over it.)

Did I tell y’all that a 48-year-old woman hit on me? It was confusing because I went back to when I was 15 and a 60-year-old flirted with me. As in, I didn’t know what to do and I considered reporting it. But then I suddenly remembered I’m almost 24 and this lady wasn’t trying to hurt me. Well. I think she’s trying to take advantage of me. She offered me, and I quote, “a clean home, free food, a nice pool, just let me be your sugar mamma and” blah blah something about “expecting” sex. I have no idea where I even met this woman. But! It is legal. And it technically wouldn’t be as harmful if I agreed to it because I’m an adult. Technically. But I don’t think I’d feel safe and my mom sure as wouldn’t approve. Plus, I dunno if she’d be okay with paying for MY hobbies. Because I still want a pet scorpion. I want to name her Sting. ;D (get it??) Or Fluffy. Or Pinchy. Or Queen. Or Snuggles. Maybe Scorp tho, not like she’ll care lol

I don’t think I’ve mentioned the woman who hit on me when I was 15? It was not traumatic. More just confusing because she was the first person in my entire life who ever followed me around and praised me everywhere only because she liked me. After she found out I was 15 she left me alone, said we’d be good friends but eventually disappeared from my life.

Anyway. It was not food poisoning I had this morning! I took too much estrogen. I’m okay now! Ate only rice (with some veggie or broth) and bananas. And dried apples. Should be able to eat normally again tomorrow.

 

[littleoc]

Also, Ant Ant made me giggle a bit.

I love Ant Ant ?

 

[littleoc]

(1)
I was gonna wait for it to reach 1000, but I want to see newer notifications again :P

(2) Thanks to being able to see newer notifications, I know that @somerandomguy is up too! Good morning :)

 

[littleoc]

My car should have a working horn today! And hopefully the airbag will be okay too :D

Reeeeally hope they install that correctly! I am secretly afraid that now that my smile’s straight, something’s gonna mess it up. *knocks on wood*

 

[littleoc]

Good morning to you, too, @Lionheart777!!

Think I better try to rest a little...

 

[somerandomguy]

Yeah, you were up at like 4am this morning. Go back to bed :)

 

[MrMoonlight]

I don’t think I’d feel safe

It does sound like a situation like that could turn really scary, really fast. Anyways you are smart, ambitious and young in age, you have all sorts of time to build a nice life for yourself on your own. IMO please forget that woman. :hug: you deserve better and will find much better.

sorry if overstepped

 

[Freida]

It does sound like a situation like that could turn really scary, really fast. Anyways you are smart, ambitious and young in age, you have all sorts of time to build a nice life for yourself on your own. IMO please forget that woman. :hug: you deserve better and will find much better.

sorry if overstepped

this!! :hug:

 

[frogthroat]

She offered me, and I quote, “a clean home, free food, a nice pool, just let me be your sugar mamma and” blah blah something about “expecting” sex.

What does she look like? Lol I'll take her off your hands. Hope she's kinky.
In all seriousness though, she sounds like a cougar for sure and never let someone take care of you financially if you can avoid it. Someone wanting to support you that way is a big red flag.

 

[littleoc]

sorry if overstepped

No, you're all good! No worries. I think you're right, too. Thank you :hug:

What does she look like? Lol I'll take her off your hands. Hope she's kinky.

:laugh: :hilarious: She had fake blond hair, was kind of heavy set... a slight country accent. lol I can't remember much else!

Someone wanting to support you that way is a big red flag.

Yeah, I think that's true. There was definitely something weird about the offer. A too-good-to-be-true vibe for sure.





My car has a horn now! But now when I turn the wheel, I can hear stuff falling inside of it! :laugh: Hopefully it's not the airbag! Hopefully the airbag works now! 218$ tho.

Also, I keep having really strange dreams that are making it hard to sleep. Last night, there was another one with Brandi. She needed something and I got it for her, and she got annoyed with me. Another dream, her teeth were really far apart so I offered her advice, but then she sent an email to thank everyone except me. (That setting was the high school reunion. That's coming up soon. Am preparing slowly. I've got another three years so it's not bad.)

One in a worse-hoard house than this one, where Brandi was asking me for help moving out. I told her I couldn't, and she acted like I had said yes to help.

Then I had a dream that was totally out of place with these other ones. I was in a dark house with empty bottles everywhere. My dad is the only hoarder I know who keeps hoards of empty plastic bottles. He collects trash. I'll never know why probably. Anyway, the dark house was full of these. I was exploring the house (common theme in my dreams) and every other room had a toilet in it (also a common theme in my dreams... I still don't know why I'm afraid of toilets though) that was a weird color and dirty. With empty bottles all over the place. Then I went behind this other room, thinking a closet was there. This eyeless corpse came crawling out and chased me, grabbed at me, and I was terrified until I heard her yell, "Help!" So I turn around, she's falling apart, just chunks of her at a time and she smells like a dead body, but I notice that she's shaking, decide I couldn't read her intentions because someone has ripped out her eyes, and at a distance I ask her what's up. She explains that my dad killed her and her son is in danger. She begged me to save her son. Started crawling towards me, left this oily stain as she dragged herself toward me. Some of her skin was sliding off.

So, I think she was supposed to represent the woman my dad killed. I woke up and knew the boy was in danger, though I was telling myself, "It's just a dream, it's just a dream," but -- and sorry for the crazy factor -- that tone is the exact tone that happened the week before Shay died. I dreamed she died just before she did and I feel terrible that I didn't stop her. Made me think of the freaky "god voice" telling me to take the messages seriously. I don't know if I should tell my therapist about this or not, because it is crazy but I feel very concerned now. But it's not like I can just tell the police "hey I had a dream where that kid's dead mom was talking to me." I guess I could say that I'm concerned about him but what would they be able to do anyway?

Nothing on his Facebook indicated any weird behavior though. Just a status that says that if he sees another driver texting he's going to roll down the window and through a beer at them. Also a racist joke about a Chinese person. And him saying "I love you so much!" to a person he uploaded a picture of, it's just a face and he didn't tag the person so I don't know who it is. No one liked it though. Made me kinda sad for him. I can't fix his life though.

Fun fact, my dad still believes humans aren't human until they "act human," around age five or so. Therefore it's fine to cage, abuse, sexually exploit, or "abort" any child from conception to nine months to five years old. My mom told him, "They're human, just because you can't empathize with them doesn't mean they aren't," and he said my mom was "sentimental" and started using 1000s Viking logic and some Spartan logic to back himself up.

Anyway. My dad left her son an orphan and refused to adopt him. So I don't even know where he is. But I hope he's somewhere safe. Surely he had a sympathetic grandparent or something.

 

[littleoc]

Anyway. My car can honk now!!!!

And! Dove is going to the vet again tomorrow. She loves her vet. I hope it's not too cold.

 

[littleoc]

and I feel terrible that I didn't stop her.

Why did I say "stop her"? Murder was never ruled out. I don't think. Actually, I don't know if I was told. I was a teenager, so...

There was a grown man though. With drugs.

I wonder if this dream was more related to Shay than I thought, come to think of it. Someone killing someone with drugs. We were all told it wasn't a suicide.

I should probably not think about it. Shay's death wasn't the part that haunted me. It was her mom screaming. Can't get the sound out of my head. Worst sound I have ever heard.