To those who've been here over five years

[Rani G2]

I decided to not to Do the work anymore.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I've watched many people get better during the time I've been here. Some people move on, some stay, some are very sick when they get here and have worked but are still sick. What is the point of you asking? Why do you want to know?

 

[Lionheart]

If I thought it really mattered to you how much I have healed or not healed, I might be inclined to answer your question, but as it stands I will instead afford you the right to ask yourself why you are choosing not to heal and to apply your answer to yourself accordingly.

 

[digger]

Why aren't you better?

Serious question - plenty of people apply all the tools and get better.

It's an interesting question - one I need to give a bit more thought to for myself before replying more fully. I'm not sure it's as black and white as 'apply all the tools and get better' within what I presume you think is a 'suitable' amount of time? What time scale would you have seen as appropriate for yourself to be 'better' within? What would 'better' look like to you in terms of your own progress?

With regard to the tools bit, for myself a lot of it has been about a) finding the right tools, and then b) learning to use them - I'm not sure there's a one size fits all when it comes to the tools best suited for healing. A lot of it is trial and error, which takes (wastes?) time. And then there's the practice with the ones that do help...

Going to give some more thought to this for myself.

 

[Rani G2]

A magnetic question it seems.

 

[Sideways]

On my part it is mainly lack of effort,

I haven’t been here 5 years. But I’ve been here long enough to know that this statement simply isn’t true. Might feel like it.

But “I feel like a should have tried harder” = “I could have worked harder” is emotional reasoning. “I’m just lazy” is labelling. “I haven’t done hard work” is maximising/minimising or over-generalisation. “I should have worked harder” is a should/ought statement.

You’ve toughed it out through some really difficult situations, particularly when trying to access adequate treatment options. You’ve confronted some incredibly difficult personal issues and made progress on those.

Perhaps to see the distortion underlying the question, let’s replace PTSD with any other mental illness.

“Hey person with schizophrenia, why the aren’t you better yet?”
“Hey chronic depression sufferer, are you just lazy?”
“Hey anxiety sufferer, why haven’t you done the hard work?”

It’s not that simple. PTSD is an illness. There are treatments that can be helpful for some - figuring out which treatments will benefit which person is a bit of a guessing game though. Some people ‘get better’ with no treatment at all. Some people end up with a chronic illness. Some people it takes 2 years to see massive improvement, for others of us it’s been over a decade and still counting...

Question for you: what would it mean to you if you actually have done the hard work, but haven’t seen the improvements that you were hoping for yet?

 

[Mach123]

It's been five years (I checked) but, who says I'm not better?! : )

 

[Friday]

The short answer?

I’ve had a lot going on. I’ve worked my ass off, but I also have a helluva long way to go to get to where I want to be. IF I can get there. Which I don’t know.

But I also spent 5-7 years in the PTSD Badlands the first time my life went sideways. So, even without a lot going on, that may well be my own personal baseline of about how long it takes me to unf*ck my life once shit goes badly wrong. I’d hoped that by getting into therapy early (since I didn’t do therapy at all my first bash at this) that I’d be able to cut that timeline in half*. Not so much. I’m still not even stable, much less able to tackle trauma therapy. But, again, that’s mostly a facet of life getting complicated, if I’m objective about it. Shrug. It is what it is.

* I’m good at picking arbitrary numbers and getting really hipped on them. When I was first diagnosed? I said 2 months. That was my allotted timeframe for “I will be fine” at the end of it. Did I manage it? f*ck no. 5-7 years. If I’m really honest, 5-7 years in the badlands, plus a couple more to really rock out/ set up my life the way I wanted it. So maybe a more accurate number is 5-7-9. But there wasn’t an argument on the planet which could have convinced me that 2 months wasn’t entirely reasonable.

 

[barefoot]

Are you feeling frustrated with where you are at the moment, Sandstone? Do you want to say any more about what’s going on for you at the moment with this topic?

FWIW, I wouldn’t say that you’ve been lazy in your approach to healing/making progress/getting better at all.

I remember the huge struggles you had getting access to treatment...how long that all took and how much tenacity you showed to make them listen and finally provide what you needed.

All the research you have shared here too. All the reading you have done and then posting about what you find out here to better understand it and to see how it applies to you and what you can do with it.

When I said earlier in this thread about getting in my own way in therapy and how that has inevitable slowed me down, I wasn’t meaning I haven’t tried hard or that I’ve been lazy. Not sure if you are meaning that about me either but I wanted to clarify that that’s not how I see it. I’ve certainly felt frustrated and impatient and annoyed with myself. And there have definitely been times - mainly after hard sessions where I just couldn’t get any words out and couldn’t keep my head in the room - where I felt so bloody furious with myself for being so rubbish at it and I berated myself for not being able to do it and for not trying hard enough and for “wasting” all that time.

Now though? I think I just was where I was. I was afraid. I dissociated. It’s been a part of my process - yes, a very frustrating part. But I don’t see what I actually could have done to change that.

I still have sessions where I shut down, get spacey, my voice gets hijacked and I feel like I’ve wasted time. And it’s infuriating when that happens. But I try to be kinder to myself about it these days. That’s a big challenge for me. It’s not what I’m used to doing. But I think it’s more helpful than being punitive with myself.

 

[joeylittle]

On my part it is mainly lack of effort, but surely there can't be that many lazy people?

For me - two things, I think.

One - I've got co-morbid diagnoses. Depression has seriously derailed my ability to handle the trauma processing. My mental health work has had to be all about depression management. I could probably make some different choices - like stop working - but it's hard to see that as being realistic financially. Also hard to see it as actually being helpful. Having a work schedule does help part of me keep going.

Two - Complex trauma is...complex. I don't even accept fully that I've had complex trauma. Avoidance much? Hell yeah, I avoid it like it's on fire.

Three - I would also say my problem is a lack of effort, I'm not working hard enough. I'm sure there's some distorted thinking involved there...but really, if it would help motivate me to yell at myself more, I would do it. But it doesn't actually motivate me, it makes me sadder. Slower.

Can you think of any explanations that aren't an attack on someone or your own's character?...I can only say, in 'my' estimation I have failed. In other's feedback to me (Thank God), neither I nor my efforts have been a failure. That I shall choose to hold on to, and keep trying, because it beats my own or others abusive talk to me.

This is a very good point, and important to remember when thinking about PTSD and recovery. I can't be a good cheerleader for myself, but I can try and keep my language neutral, at least.

 

[blackemerald1]

I've got co-morbid diagnoses

Complex trauma is...complex

Yep - me too. And life keeps happening along with it all.

 

[Friday]

One - I've got co-morbid diagnoses

Oh. There is that.

Two - Complex trauma is...complex

And that.

:hilarious: 2 things I didn’t even think about. My head was purely in ongoing new traumas, big ole whopping stressors (and teeny tiny leetle ones, piled up, because I’m not managing my life well), shite for coping mechanisms, and other life stuff.