Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Last thing: Dove is going to the vet again tomorrow. Wish her a good time!!

 

[littleoc]

Ohhhh, littleoc. No words, just lots and lots and lots of hugs.

Honestly that memory with my dad isn't so bad. My little brother thanked me afterward and was surprised I was willing to do that for him out of sibling affection. It's a weirdly happy moment I try to hang on to.

And it's the same reason I get so angry when my sister claims that my little brother is just like my dad. If he were, I wouldn't have supported him. And her saying that really messed me up as a teenager. I'm a way better 20-year-old than my sister was. lol

 

[somerandomguy]

Sorry I'm not in y'all's diaries again. I'm doing my best, I swear. I'll get back to those as soon as I can, but do know that I'm wishing all of you well and hoping you're okay.

Not an apology situation - you've been struggling recently.

I am absolutely over your mom. I don't blame you for being angry at all. In fact, that is the logical, expected response.

 

[bellbird]

Have a great time at the vet, Dove!

I am absolutely over your mom. I don't blame you for being angry at all. In fact, that is the logical, expected response.

I am too.
What is our next step in getting you out of there?
Job hunting?

 

[Marvel545]

I am absolutely over your mom. I don't blame you for being angry at all. In fact, that is the logical, expected response.

I absolutely second this. I'm sorry it's tough right now.

 

[frogthroat]

I just let her because my therapist taught me that all my mom knows is how to be a victim and I need to let her because I can't help her.

You have every right to be angry and this isn't your problem. I'm sorry if I had a family member that had a medical problem that involved them shitting themselves and could be taken care of if they were seen by a doctor and took care of themselves I wouldn't let them in my car or be seen in public with them.
Stop feeling sorry for your parents. You were the child. They were supposed to take care of you not vice versa.
I know that takes work. I'm still affected when one of my parents pull a fast one on me. I should cut them off but I haven't. It's a process.
Everybody here knows what It's like to get stuck in that victim mentality so there's no judgement there but when someone just gives up? You really have to think about how to save yourself. Your mom doesn't want to save herself and she didn't want to save you or your siblings. Somewhere underneath all of the victimhood there was a part of her that was getting something out of living how she did and making you kids live in it too is inexcusable.
Also, I hope Dove' s vet visit went well.

 

[Freida]

I'm worried because I have the lizard, the snake, the bird, and Nestle minimum.

ya -- most landlords don't care about things that live in cages. One caution -- if birds are noisy be aware that may irritate your neighbors LOL Yep -- been that neighbor :)

It's fine. I was very angry, but it's fine. I understand that she can't help it. I was talking to a professional about the issue and she told me that 17 million women have this problem eventually, and it's humiliating and so it's best of me to be gentle about it.

Bitch, if you shit in my car or just might -- THE POINT IS NOT WHETHER OR NOT YOU SHIT IN MY CAR. DON'T YOU F*CKING DARE TRY TO TELL ME I'M OVERREACTING TO A PERSON POTENTIALLY SHITTING IN MY CAR.

I LOVED this rant. Because it was long overdue. You, my dear, have every right to feel this way.
Every right.
You are supposed to be angry at things like this. You are supposed to be able to hold people accountable to the minimum they can do. Have a digestive issue? Wear a diaper. Simple. Mental illness or not. She is aware of her issue. She is aware she doesn't like the required medication (wearing a diaper is just the same as taking a pill -- it changes the outcome of the problem). She CHOOSES not to do so.

Because you allow it.
Not pointing a finger --- just offering a different way of thinking about it that allows you to realize you have more power than you realize

I think you might be so caught up in the idea that you MUST help her that you forget that a supporter is allowed to set boundaries. Don't believe me? Pop over to the supporter side and see the boundaries they set. Yep --- the successful supporters don't let their sufferers get away with this kind of behavior PTSD or no PTSD. They set boundaries on what they will accept and what they wont and they stick by those boundaries. If their sufferer doesn't want to abide by them then they have to face the consequences.

Your mom is the same way. Just like us she has an issue -- one she cannot control. Just like us she can make a choice to mitigate the damage it causes. Just like many of us she chooses not to. So she has to face the result of that choice - just like we do.

You, as the supporter, have the right to tell your mom she is not allowed in your car unless she is wearing a diaper. That's not being cruel or unhelpful or unsympathetic to her plight. It is setting a boundary that allows you to continue to help her. If she refuses? Then she can call a friend or an uber or a taxi and explain her situation to them. That's not being mean or hateful. It's setting a boundary.

Honestly that memory with my dad isn't so bad.

That is a terrifying look into your childhood. Just sayin. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Please don’t laugh or say I’m being cute.

My rescued orchid passed away. We have gone through a lot together. I took that orchid everywhere. Rescued it from a dump. Someone chopped it’s flowers off and threw it away in 2014. I found it and brought it back to life.

It passed away from crown rot. I wasn’t overwatering and I had the humidity right. It’s this house. There’s a fungus growing in it’s crown, probably aided by a fruit fly. I don’t know. I can’t stop crying since I found it this morning. It meant a lot to me. I completely failed it.

That means all my rescues have died. They handled moldy dorm rooms but not this house. RIP Henry.

 

[littleoc]

Adopted a new peace lily and some bamboo to try to clean the air in the bird room.

 

[littleoc]

The shower curtain and tub are gross and my back hurts so much, all my tendons are inflamed for some reason. So thought I’d call a groomer to bath Nestle for me because she’s several weeks overdo.

“Hi, thanks for choosing ****, this is Brandi, how can I help you?”

 

[littleoc]

I also called a depression line today. Nashville has a crisis line for anyone, and a separate line for people with suicidal or homocidal thoughts. Which is very cool. But the lady told me it must be hard living with a hoarder and if I ever want to vent to just call her. She said she’s there to listen any time I need. Cried so hard we had to disconnect the call. I feel really alone here.

 

[littleoc]

I don’t think it was that Brandi. It was really hard to tell. But I don’t think Brandi could hold a job anywhere like there. Confusing thoughts about the situation happened though. I didn’t make an appointment yet. It’ll be 30 bucks. I still need 400$ for the teeth cleaning for Nestle so I may try to clean the tub sometime.