I'm just about done!

[Marie E.]

I've had it with my ungrateful abusive family, I'm stuck and they don't seem to care. Am I really not worth it? I feel like giving up! I seem to be the only person that feels.

I try not to feel suicidal and I keep trying to improve my mental health. My family purposely wrecks it with a smile on their face. No concern for me.

I want to stop feeling and go numb!

 

[Ronin]

You are absolutely worth it, and I am sorry they do not see your value and do not care.

Do not give up for people that do not even appreciate you.

That numb because hurt even worse, or not feeling anything because gone, is seriously not worth it. You are, and your life, is worth it. Not their opinion, or how disgraceful they choose to treat awesome people.

 

[Marie E.]

@Ronin Thank you for your kind words, really!

It's just that nearly all my life I have had no one to depend on. I give up on meeting anyone who will care. What usually happens is someone will pretend they care for me and when I let them in, they abuse me.

It's because nearly all of my family is abusive. Narcissistic like traits. Why don't I have them and why am I still the scapegoat? They provoke my PTSD and than call me crazy when I speak up.

It's very hurtful when I have no where to go to seek comfort, except to cry in the bathroom. I have to suppress my emotions and not react or I will get shamed at 37 years old.

My uncle tells me the weather every day to throw it in my face about how I'm going to freeze at night. He has a old maual heater that stays off at night. I can't stay awake turning it on all the time. He won't cover the plastic dog door, coolness comes in. (Unless below zero). It can get damn cold!

My mom victim shames me when I stand up for myself, saying she didn't molest me like my dad did, so she basically can do no wrong.

Sorry to rant, I just feel so horrible....

I feel like a invisible child again.

 

[HealingInProcess]

@Ronin Thank you for your kind words, really!

It's just that nearly all my life I have had no one to depend on. I give up on meeting anyone who will care. What usually happens is someone will pretend they care for me and when I let them in, they abuse me.

It's because nearly all of my family is abusive. Narcissistic like traits. Why don't I have them and why am I still the scapegoat? They provoke my PTSD and than call me crazy when I speak up.

It's very hurtful when I have no where to go to seek comfort, except to cry in the bathroom. I have to suppress my emotions and not react or I will get shamed at 37 years old.

My uncle tells me the weather every day to throw it in my face about how I'm going to freeze at night. He has a old maual heater that stays off at night. I can't stay awake turning it on all the time. He won't cover the plastic dog door, coolness comes in. (Unless below zero). It can get damn cold!

My mom victim shames me when I stand up for myself, saying she didn't molest me like my dad did, so she basically can do no wrong.

Sorry to rant, I just feel so horrible....

I feel like a invisible child again.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You're not alone in being treated this way by your family.

 

[Marie E.]

@HealingInProcess Thank you very much, your validation is much appreciated!

 

[HealingInProcess]

@HealingInProcess Thank you very much, your validation is much appreciated!

Thank you for sharing. The way I see it they're on their own thing and have their own problems. It took me many years to get out of that iso chamber and realize this was not normal behavior.

 

[Marie E.]

@HealingInProcess I agree, it is rather strange. How in the hell can someone purposely hurt a loved one with PTSD? I will be so glad to finally leave! I think I can survive, I just can't connect to them anymore and I can do my own thing. Crazy ass people!

Btw, I'm so glad you got away from that type of crap! I see hope for me in your experience.

 

[HealingInProcess]

@HealingInProcess I agree, it is rather strange. How in the hell can someone purposely hurt a loved one with PTSD? I will be so glad to finally leave! I think I can survive, I just can't connect to them anymore and I can do my own thing. Crazy ass people!

Btw, I'm so glad you got away from that type of crap! I see hope for me in your experience.

I think it's just their own issues. I confess I have CPTSD and before it really came on I got on my brother's case and he had all types of issues because I had insecurities that I took out on him. It's like they say, hurt people hurt people.

 

[Friday]

Maybe be done with your family, instead of done with life?

Whole great big world out there, and it doesn’t revolve around them.

 

[Marie E.]

@Friday Yeah, you are right. It's so frustrating to deal and live with them. I'm trying to heal from my last relationship, but they invalidate and provoke me. I'm continuing to talk with a suicide hotline through Email. They are very helpful. It helps to express my emotions somewhere instead of being forced to suppress it. My family likes to shame me when I react to their abuse.

My father is collecting housing applications. He may not be the best father, but at least he is trying!

 

[Ronin]

I have to suppress my emotions and not react or I will get shamed at 37 years old.

IMHO you would be better living on your own (or as close as you can manage that).... because you DO know how to take care of yourself, quite well (that you are aware they are crossing the lines, and do seek support, and are aware of what needs be righted very well instead of escapism)... but you have not had yet the opportunity (of course not, you have them to be minding all time long. That does not make you immature nor incompetent. Inexperienced in some way is not a fault, and trying is how you get that experience. :) )

You have YOU to depend on, and I think that is waay better care than they will give you.

 

[HealingInProcess]

Maybe be done with your family, instead of done with life?

Whole great big world out there, and it doesn’t revolve around them.

I agree it's very tempting to narrow your scope to your present circumstances but your present us not your future and there is much good that can happen for you.