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My spine surgery journey: from preparation to recovery

I wasn't able to go to sleep again.
My morphine pill took an hour and a half to start working.

My nurse paged the house surgeon to come and have a look at me, but he only became available after the morphine started working as well. So I will just wait until my surgical doctors make the rounds and talk about it with them then.

I'll let y'all know how that goes.

For now, I'll do a little more recapping :)

March 2 2019. Post op day 2

My second full day in ICU.
This was the day that I came off my ketamine infusion. It was difficult, of course, to suddenly be without an analgesic that you had been receiving constantly for 48 hours.

But it was also a very good thing. My head felt so much clearer after it was stopped.
I really don't do the whole "drugged" feeling well, both because it triggers flashbacks of the Abuse Years, and because I like to feel in control of my body.

Unfortunately I had to keep my chest tube in for that day.
They kept saying the chest tube was still 'swinging' which I suppose is a motion of the tube that is caused by fluid draining through it.

And because it was still draining, I had to have another chest x-ray, which was just as painful as the day before's.

My surgeon came to visit me, looking as though he was about to go the the gym. Which I thought was really sweet that he would come into hospital to check on how I was doing personally, when he was clearly not planning to come into hospital for much other work.

This day was the first day that I stood for the first time!!
My nurses helped me. We sat on the edge of the bed like the previous day, but this time didn't feel faint! So after resting there for a while, my nurses helped me to stand (a very weird experience) and walk the few small steps over to the arm chair in my room.
I ended up sitting there for 4/5 hours :)

My nurses in ICU were incredible.
They helped me to brush my teeth once a day.
They gave me sponge baths to help me feel as clean as possible.
They even use to flip my pillows over during the day so that I could rest my head on the cool side of the pillow again.

3 ICU nurses, especially, I will never forget.
My mum bought a couple of thank you cards that I'm going to write in and give to ICU and the orthopaedic ward when I leave.

So that was day 2 :)

--
Ok quick update.
A registrar (of the non cute variety) from my surgical team just came past.
He asked about my tummy and I brought him up to scratch. He didn't know about my xrays over the weekend but said he will have a look at them and ask a general surgeon to come have a look at me.

I'm going to be switched to a liquid diet because there's only so many solids I can put in with nothing coming out.
Though I'm a little nervous about that, being recently recovered from my ED. I'll just have to remain honest to myself, and communicate well with my nurses if my mindset ventures into that territory again.

The registrar said we really need to do something because this has gone way beyond "normal constipation".

So now we wait.. again.
 
I wasn't able to go to sleep again.
My morphine pill took an hour and a half to start working.
I'm sorry you're in pain. I do hope you'll feel better soon! :hug: :hug:

I'm going to be switched to a liquid diet because there's only so many solids I can put in with nothing coming out.
Though I'm a little nervous about that, being recently recovered from my ED. I'll just have to remain honest to myself, and communicate well with my nurses if my mindset ventures into that territory again.
What are the ED voices that you fear will come up? Maybe it helps to have your best parts look at it rationally, realize that, yep, liquid diet is the best thing for your body right now, and that this is something that rational Bellbird and your doctors agree on. It's not ED trying to exert control. It's not doctors trying to exert control. It's doctors and nurses and you trying to do what is best for your body right now.
 
What are the ED voices that you fear will come up?
Well, when my restricting was at its worst last year (regular 36 hour fasts) and I was referred to a dietician for help, the first step she had me do was introduce one fortisip per day (meal replacement drink).

So I'm worried that Ed will entice us by drawing the parallel that we've been eating a lot, and are going onto liquid diet, so the next step must be restriction again.
It's not ED trying to exert control. It's not doctors trying to exert control. It's doctors and nurses and you trying to do what is best for your body right now.
Hmm, this does resonate with me. I will try to continue to sit with these words.

Thank you :hug::hug:
 
I can understand the fear of a relapse. At the hospital I got nervous when they prescribed sleep meds for me, cuz I have a history of abusing benzos. Much to my surprise it didn't cause me to spiral into addictive thinking, I just knew that I HAD to get some proper sleep (sleep got bad after they took Mirtazapine away from me). So you CAN negotiate with voices from the past, it seems, and I think you can too!
 
are going onto liquid diet, so the next step must be restriction again

So you CAN negotiate with voices from the past, it seems, and I think you can too!

You can negotiate with voices from the past, and you can also call up helpful voices from the past. Can you imagine your dietician saying that you are going on a liquid diet, to better keep the plumbing clear, to better ensure there is no restriction, to better ensure that you will be able to keep your body healthy in the future.

:hug:
 
you CAN negotiate with voices from the past
you can also call up helpful voices from the past
Don't overlook the possibility of helpful voices from the present too!
It's like I have a whole army behind me :)

--
I am now on a "free fluid" diet, which basically means fluids in general (the other fluid diet is clear fluids), and things that sort of become fluids, like ice cream and jelly.

I feel like a beached whale. Bleurgh.

It's now 3pm so hopefully Gastro/general surgery come soon.

I've been prescribed gabapentin again for pain, to try reduce my need for sevredol.
I've also been prescribed a Fleet enema, which is the more squirty of the two. But I think I'll wait till the doctors have been.

My surgeon and 3 of his team came by and asked some questions and did some examinations of my tummy.
They are concerned and will wait for the input from gastro about what is happening.

I also hit another milestone -- I did stairs!
Up 4 steps and down 4.
Holy crap. It was HARD.
Not just physically, but mentally too.
I got so nervous which then exacerbated my tremor, and trying to climb stairs for the first time after a spinal fusion with shaky legs is.. yeah, hard.

I did it though, twice.
With my very attentive physio next to me.
I kept her updated about the mental and physical challenges of it while we climbed.
The up stairs I did without any assistance, but the down stairs I needed the hand rail.

It was 4 steps because that's the number of steps that lead up to my parents' house.
They don't have a handrail there, but initially I will have my parents walk next to me when I go down the steps, in case I need support.
And after I have had some practice, I will feel more confident. Just like when I first learnt to walk again.

So based off that, my physio was happy to discharge me from inpatient physio!
Now it's just this big belly standing between me and the outside world.
 
Well, you're not going to be missing calories!
Nope. But I am also needing to be mindful of sugar intake, without much else to slow down its effects.

Typically I don't eat refined sugar. (I don't really eat anything like the food I have had in here, but that's fine because it's the food that is available and I've been able to keep ED from being a dick about that). But sugar can really affect my moods, so I think I will ask to have fortisips at meal times, instead of the jelly and ice cream.
It sounds like you are making nice, steady progress on walking & moving.
:hug::hug: , and cheers for the stairs!
Wow, you're doing so well!! Go bellbird!!
Thank you guys :hug::hug:

My mum took a video of me doing stairs.
I had mixed feelings from watching the video; because of my painful and distended abdo, and the lower back pain that causes when I walk, I essentially have the same posture as I did pre-op.

It's hard, having been through so much, to see yourself look as though nothing has been done at all.

But I try to remind myself that there have been changes, and this appearance reminiscent of my body pre-op is only superficial until this final obstacle is overcome. And I just climbed some motherf*cking stairs. Which is a longggg way from toe wiggling.

Ok. I'm getting really hungry.
Time for Grounded to step up and take control. Just pressed my call bell, and I'm going to ask for a fortisip.

ETA: My nurse said fortisips need to be prescribed, but she is going to speak with the house surgeon and see that they can be prescribed for me.
 
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~another vent incoming~

I am so hungry. To the point that it hurts. And we're only at the beginning of an indefinite period of this.

How TF did I ever get a buzz off this feeling.
I know.. addiction.

It's just strange feeling these sensations again, albeit in an environment that is being monitored for me by health professionals. But still, not a feeling I had expected to have again.

Need to stay grounded as best I can.
I'm mindful of three challenges in addition to the usual challenges of the last week or so.
-hunger
-increase of drugged feeling from opiates due to empty stomach
-lack of sleep due to hunger (I typically have to eat right before I go to bed in order to be able to sleep)

Those factors are also likely to have an impact on the muscle spasms I'm having.

It's not a pleasant body sensation at the moment: sudden spasms of muscles happening very regularly, drugged feeling coming on from my afternoon sevredol dose, painful hunger and some weakness starting to build.

My hospital roomie (separated by a curtain) was discharged this morning, and I have a new roomie now.
I think she's asleep, and she has two guests and they sound like they are messing around with stuff in the room, and generally just dicking around, and my hypervigilance is through the roof.

But hypervigilance and weakness/drugged feelings don't mix well.
 
sudden spasms of muscles happening very regularly,

^Heat pack?

And we're only at the beginning of an indefinite period of this.

^Keep some perspective if you can. It may be a very short time. I'm hoping that's the case. They're onto it I hope.

my hypervigilance is through the roof.

^Consider asking for that private room now that you are in for so much longer and you are not feeling great?

I'm sorry you are feeling like this bellbird... What have your parents said about all of these developments?

I wish they were real. ? ?????
 

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