ms spock
VIP Member
So I have made many, many strides in all arenas of my life. I am proud of this!
Teaching is not easy I know but I am really struggling at the moment, at times. I am shutting down and spacing out a lot when I come home.
Another member of MyPTSD @bellbird was wondering if my desire to numb is relating to that overwhelming feelings of exhaustion, and also wondering if I have any plans in place to make taking those steps more sustainable? I need to develop new skills to manage the new situations. As a relief teacher I often get the challenging classes, with lots of kids with complex trauma and behavioural issues. Mostly I do really well.
At a pretty crappy school/s (I mean bad management, poor OH&S and overworking me whilst I am there) in first lesson I had to ring and get two boys removed from the classroom as they were escalating. I had 5 lunch time duties in the one day, which is ridiculous as well as illegal. Morning tea is broken up in to two breaks as in lunchtime, and I was on all those and after school patrol. The tech/laptops they give me never works, and I often have to wing it.
One teacher at another school told me I was getting a really lovely class and I would enjoy it, and I thought this is a set up, because of her off vibe. OMG I went and sought support from the next door teacher - found out the next day I had five of the most challenging students in the school in that class, three just off suspension. So no it was never going to be "a lovely class". That woman tried to bully me and I just got up and walked away.
Most schools do not have air conditioning, and I am trying to teach in classrooms which are 37-42 degrees Celsius.
The work I am given at another school for Year 8 was useless because they were a Year 7 class.
I am finding it really hard to move forwards though in terms of learning how to relax and unwind when I get home and not slide into comfort eating and/or maladaptive daydreaming or obsessive thinking or ruminations. My sleep has fallen apart and I have a returned to nightmares. I had really got a handle of comfort eating, and I am in my BMI for my height and gender, after being obese for awhile. I have improved my reactivity significantly.
Another member pointed out that I am developing pattern of great exhaustion following those strides. This is when I am vulnerable to dissociation, depersonalisation, derealisation, lots of maladapative daydreaming, and/or comfort eating and at times some binge eating.
I am feeling overwhelmed at times.
I am doing relief teaching across a wide range of schools. Last week I was teaching 6 non verbal senior students wher I had to learn their machines/iPads whilst teaching them. I picked it up pretty quickly and I taught them a music/science lesson and we had a good time. I got some beautiful smiles and engagement. I then had half verbal and half non verbal kids who were about 12 but were 4-5 years old developmentally. So one little boy had a meltdown because of a change of teacher. A kid ate something and he had a meltdown about that. He complained and whined the whole time - I really felt for him over the anxiety he was feeling, and I took him over and chatted to him. Four other things also triggered meltdowns in him. One of the girls is like a baby. She throws things like a baby does to see the reaction. She's really cute, and laughs a lot, but the other students get annoyed at her throwing things at them, which is her way of trying to interact. So that was challenging. I did really well with them and they weren't up for the lesson plan that I had as it was just too overwhelming that they had a new teacher for some of them. I had a couple of meltdowns from other students. So I just kept talking and praising their on task behaviours the whole time. I was so exhausted. I was aware that all the senior members of staff where coming in and assessing throughout these lessons, but I barely had time to introduce myself, and really I just had to focus on the kids because classroom management was really something you couldn't stop focusing on, even for a minute. They were great kids. The incredibly anxious boy got pulled out of the classroom and his behaviours were explained to me, so he came back and apologised to me, and asked me to sit down so one of the boys could give me a massage which he had arranged as an apology present. He was incredibly cute and sweet, but OMG his anxiety is off the charts, and I was concerned that he is living in a trauma situation, but anyhow, so he asked if he could take his toys outside to play with, and I had said no but I said as he apologised, made restoration and took responsibility of course he could take his toys outside to play with. He told me no one likes him unless he has toys, which is a sad perception, but his anxiety is so high there was no point in actually explaining that was not true. The staff was excellent and there was great OH&S and I was offered ten minutes outside the classroom after a significant meltdown. Everyone checked that I had had an adequate lunch break. Great school.
So I am doing 2-3 days per week. One week I did five days and it was too much for me.
I also have had a very negative workplace on Fridays and I finish up there in two weeks. This has been mega stressful as the two women hate each other's guts. I have managed okay with that, but not really because it has triggered my eating to the comfort and numbing out.
Now I am trusting myself more and though it is really stressful at times I am doing pretty well with a range of highly challenging young people. I really try to listen to each student and check their work, and give them a positive adult-student interaction in each class. I am so tired at the end of the day.
But I am coming home and I am a mess. A lot of teachers are quitting at the moment, many are down with the flu or illness, and there are insane expectations of teachers, no we can't make up for 15 years of neglect and no parenting for students. So that is all pretty challenging.
The thing is is that I need to learn how not to be in hypervigilance and/or flight/fight mode, and I need to relax and unwind, which I am not so good at doing.
Any suggestions?
Teaching is not easy I know but I am really struggling at the moment, at times. I am shutting down and spacing out a lot when I come home.
Another member of MyPTSD @bellbird was wondering if my desire to numb is relating to that overwhelming feelings of exhaustion, and also wondering if I have any plans in place to make taking those steps more sustainable? I need to develop new skills to manage the new situations. As a relief teacher I often get the challenging classes, with lots of kids with complex trauma and behavioural issues. Mostly I do really well.
At a pretty crappy school/s (I mean bad management, poor OH&S and overworking me whilst I am there) in first lesson I had to ring and get two boys removed from the classroom as they were escalating. I had 5 lunch time duties in the one day, which is ridiculous as well as illegal. Morning tea is broken up in to two breaks as in lunchtime, and I was on all those and after school patrol. The tech/laptops they give me never works, and I often have to wing it.
One teacher at another school told me I was getting a really lovely class and I would enjoy it, and I thought this is a set up, because of her off vibe. OMG I went and sought support from the next door teacher - found out the next day I had five of the most challenging students in the school in that class, three just off suspension. So no it was never going to be "a lovely class". That woman tried to bully me and I just got up and walked away.
Most schools do not have air conditioning, and I am trying to teach in classrooms which are 37-42 degrees Celsius.
The work I am given at another school for Year 8 was useless because they were a Year 7 class.
I am finding it really hard to move forwards though in terms of learning how to relax and unwind when I get home and not slide into comfort eating and/or maladaptive daydreaming or obsessive thinking or ruminations. My sleep has fallen apart and I have a returned to nightmares. I had really got a handle of comfort eating, and I am in my BMI for my height and gender, after being obese for awhile. I have improved my reactivity significantly.
Another member pointed out that I am developing pattern of great exhaustion following those strides. This is when I am vulnerable to dissociation, depersonalisation, derealisation, lots of maladapative daydreaming, and/or comfort eating and at times some binge eating.
I am feeling overwhelmed at times.
I am doing relief teaching across a wide range of schools. Last week I was teaching 6 non verbal senior students wher I had to learn their machines/iPads whilst teaching them. I picked it up pretty quickly and I taught them a music/science lesson and we had a good time. I got some beautiful smiles and engagement. I then had half verbal and half non verbal kids who were about 12 but were 4-5 years old developmentally. So one little boy had a meltdown because of a change of teacher. A kid ate something and he had a meltdown about that. He complained and whined the whole time - I really felt for him over the anxiety he was feeling, and I took him over and chatted to him. Four other things also triggered meltdowns in him. One of the girls is like a baby. She throws things like a baby does to see the reaction. She's really cute, and laughs a lot, but the other students get annoyed at her throwing things at them, which is her way of trying to interact. So that was challenging. I did really well with them and they weren't up for the lesson plan that I had as it was just too overwhelming that they had a new teacher for some of them. I had a couple of meltdowns from other students. So I just kept talking and praising their on task behaviours the whole time. I was so exhausted. I was aware that all the senior members of staff where coming in and assessing throughout these lessons, but I barely had time to introduce myself, and really I just had to focus on the kids because classroom management was really something you couldn't stop focusing on, even for a minute. They were great kids. The incredibly anxious boy got pulled out of the classroom and his behaviours were explained to me, so he came back and apologised to me, and asked me to sit down so one of the boys could give me a massage which he had arranged as an apology present. He was incredibly cute and sweet, but OMG his anxiety is off the charts, and I was concerned that he is living in a trauma situation, but anyhow, so he asked if he could take his toys outside to play with, and I had said no but I said as he apologised, made restoration and took responsibility of course he could take his toys outside to play with. He told me no one likes him unless he has toys, which is a sad perception, but his anxiety is so high there was no point in actually explaining that was not true. The staff was excellent and there was great OH&S and I was offered ten minutes outside the classroom after a significant meltdown. Everyone checked that I had had an adequate lunch break. Great school.
So I am doing 2-3 days per week. One week I did five days and it was too much for me.
I also have had a very negative workplace on Fridays and I finish up there in two weeks. This has been mega stressful as the two women hate each other's guts. I have managed okay with that, but not really because it has triggered my eating to the comfort and numbing out.
Now I am trusting myself more and though it is really stressful at times I am doing pretty well with a range of highly challenging young people. I really try to listen to each student and check their work, and give them a positive adult-student interaction in each class. I am so tired at the end of the day.
But I am coming home and I am a mess. A lot of teachers are quitting at the moment, many are down with the flu or illness, and there are insane expectations of teachers, no we can't make up for 15 years of neglect and no parenting for students. So that is all pretty challenging.
The thing is is that I need to learn how not to be in hypervigilance and/or flight/fight mode, and I need to relax and unwind, which I am not so good at doing.
Any suggestions?
Last edited:
