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My spine surgery journey: from preparation to recovery

This morning I noticed --some-- feeling there, for the first time. Progress. Now let's hope it continues to improve.

I've had two major insults to my nerves because of back problems. After surgery, the nerves grew back, but more slowly than anything else. Sounds like yours are growing back, too, and it all sounds normal for nerves returning to functionality.

I'm happy that you get out and about some and that you get to enjoy straightness!

:hug:
 
Achievement unlocked: completely off laxatives as of yesterday.

Pretty pleased about that, because it means that my bowels have returned to their normal level of functioning now.

But also because as someone with a relatively extensive history of eating disorders, being on laxatives longer than required is just adding temptation where I can really do without it.

I've kept eating healthily, though.
I actually had to tighten my brace yesterday, but I put that down to a reduction in my post-surgical inflammation, as well as my spine and torso continuing to gradually lengthen as my thoracic spine straightens itself.

I feel I made a bit of a breakthrough this afternoon, in terms of understanding what having even shoulders feels like in my body.
Until now, there's been a lot of:
look in mirror... straighten shoulders... walk around... check back in mirror... minor adjustment...
rinse, repeat.

But today, it started to feel more, hmm, purposeful/intentional, for the first time.
As in, in between the mirror checks, I was more specific in my adjustments and readjustments of myself.

It isn't as simple as putting both shoulders back; my left shoulder can actually sit quite naturally, or even forward just a touch so it has the same end-silhouette as the other, but I have to really put my right shoulder back and down, to the point where there is a slight dull discomfort at the moment.

But I suppose that's what happens when you try to reprogram a body that has been curvy for the entirety of its remembered-life.

But the good thing is, just as my body has been busy healing my soft tissue, fusing new bone, and regenerating blood vessels and nerves, so too will I form the new neural pathways that will make 'standing straight' become my new normal.


I was able to sit up and focus for long enough today that I could work on my next university assignment, so it is now something longer than just a title and an opening sentence.

I know that it will be baby steps with that, too, but at least we made a start on the baby steps.


For all these steps forward, there have been some emotional stumbles, though.
I've continued to struggle with the feelings of worthlessness that crept up in hospital where 5 friends who'd told me they'd visit didn't show.
This past weekend, one of those friends said she'd Skype me, but again: nada.

I sent her a text on Thursday because it was my 10 month anniversary of my failed suicide attempt, and I was feeling such joy and gratitude for being alive that I wanted to share that with her (she's one of the few IRL that know about my attempt). No reply.

It's upsetting, for sure. And plays heavily into feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem that have carried over from my abusive relationship.
No one ever said this would be easy, I suppose. It seems "challenge" is ever inherent in the word recovery.

Still, we keep taking our baby steps forward as best we can.
 
But today, it started to feel more, hmm, purposeful/intentional, for the first time.
Yay! You are healing wonderfully.

It's upsetting, for sure. And plays heavily into feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem that have carried over from my abusive relationship.
This sounds really hard. All of us here really treasure you! I know we're not IRL, but I know if your face and voice popped up on Skype that wouldn't change the fact that I and others here treasure you. Does it help to remind yourself how frightening your path must be to a lot of people, and how that can scare people away?

:hug: :hug:
 
where 5 friends who'd told me they'd visit didn't show.
one of those friends said she'd Skype me, but again: nada.

Honestly I think you give them too much credit calling them friends. I would be feeling just the same if this happened to me too. It's not friend behaviour at all. It's ignorant and hurtful.

I'm sure they all thought that one of your other friends would pick up their slack but when they ALL do it, oblivious that NOBODY has called to see you, rung you or indeed made any effort at all... yeah I can well imagine how you would be finding that very challenging and isolating.

I know it doesn't help but never mind them bellbird, please don't take it to heart. As tempting as it is to allow their ignorance to temper your joy, your recovery and your 'gonna get well and be fabulous' mindset. Don't let that happen. Rise above it. Don't get down or discouraged through the ignorance of others. You are way too good for that.

Keep ploughing on through each and every challenge. In the end you have managed extremely well through some terribly tough times without them so you can manage.

And when you are fully recovered you may have to re-assess your 'fair-weather' friends and the relationship you have with them.
 
Does it help to remind yourself how frightening your path must be to a lot of people, and how that can scare people away?
Hmmm. That's a good question. Mostly because I have no idea how to answer it :laugh: which I think is because I've got different parts having very different answers, and no major consensus.

I will take this to T, when we get back to having physical T sessions and work through it there.
And thank you for the hugs :hug:
Honestly I think you give them too much credit calling them friends. I would be feeling just the same if this happened to me too. It's not friend behaviour at all.
when you are fully recovered you may have to re-assess your 'fair-weather' friends and the relationship you have with them.
Yes, you are right.
I know I would say exactly the same to a friend.. exactly the same to you if you posted about similar, here.

It worries me, that I'm not (this is probably super subjective, but also sort of true) very good at making friends IRL, that if I take a proper look and reconsider these quote unquote friends, I might be left with like... One? Two? None? I don't know, it makes me nervous.

Probably another thing I should take to T :)
As tempting as it is to allow their ignorance to temper your joy, your recovery and your 'gonna get well and be fabulous' mindset. Don't let that happen. Rise above it. Don't get down or discouraged through the ignorance of others. You are way too good for that.
Keep ploughing on through each and every challenge. In the end you have managed extremely well through some terribly tough times without them so you can manage.
Ooof, you got me good -- right in the feels, and when a pep talk of sorts is extremely timely.
As always,, so grateful -- thank you b. Will do my best to keep on keeping on.

--
Righto team, we (and I say we, because this is a journey that by the support of you all I have not had to walk alone) we have made it to one month post-op!! *background cheers*
and 4 weeks post-op, simultaneously, thanks to the magic of a non-leap year February.

Very excited to be at one month post-op, and feeling -- physically, and mentally (despite my stumbles of the last few days), the way that I am.

I spoke to my GP on the phone this morning; our first chat since I left hospital.

On my pain team's advice, if I made it to 2 weeks at home (basically now) feeling like my pain was being well managed, I could drop my midday 300mg gabapentin.

Ran this by my GP on the phone, and she was happy with it too, so today starts the (slow and measured) next level of pain med reduction! (Heavy pain med reduction was completed over my two weeks in hospital).

GP is going to ring me on Monday morning, to check in with how my pain has been over the weekend with the reduced gabapentin.

Then I assume that if all remains steady, I'll stay on that med plan for some while, before GP and I then agree to go down another step. My pain med management has essentially been turned over to her now; she has my discharge summary, all xrays from hospital, etc. And the pain team just advised the first step down to give direction I suppose, as my pain care (very thankfully) does not need specialist help anymore.


Hope y'all are having a pleasant day/night in your corners of the world.
And thank you all again for your support, it means everything.
 
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Your gal is growing!! We measured my height this morning and I've grown another centimetre in the two weeks since I've been home from the hospital :)

Quite chuffed.
a) because it's not every day you have a growth spurt in your 20s. But also
b) because it means the hard work (and yeah; I reckon I can qualify it as hard) I've been putting in to keep my upper back and shoulders straight when they still want to revert to pre-op posture, has been allowing my thoracic spine to lengthen upwards since it doesn't need to be curved anymore and isn't as a result of my conscious efforts

It's always very rewarding to see hard work paying off. Now let's keep working hard.
 
So awesome Bellbird. Huge congratulations. You most definitely have put in hard and dedicated work - and I'm sure you continue to keep it up. Clapping my hands at the impressive results you have made (I have a torsion scoliosis, but not as severe as what you have had to endure). Keep up the excellent work you tall and strong girl.
 
Also, progress checkpoint:

One month ago, I was in ICU, on a morphine pump and local anaesthesia.

I had a pneumothorax, had a chest drain in, and was having daily chest xrays.

I could walk about 5 steps -- as far as my arm chair, which I'd made it to only once. But that required a great deal of assistance, and I couldn't sit up on my own either.


Today, I was at home. I'm on pain medication, but I haven't had any morphine/sevredol in over 2 weeks.

I no longer have air or fluid around my left lung.

And I was up -- sitting, standing or walking, for 7 straight hours without lying down.

--
My aunt and uncle came to visit, which was really nice. They live in another city, so this was the first time I'd seen them since my surgery.
We talked and laughed a lot. Oh, that's another progress point -- I can laugh without pain now. Couldn't do that one month ago. But then again, having a chest drain the size of a hose pipe in between my lung and chest wall, didn't really help with that :laugh:

Feeling sufficiently knackered, but not in a pushed-too-far sort of way.
Rather, the sort of way where normies would say "I'm going to sleep well tonight!"

But, PTSD.

Alas, no cute registrar to cuddle up to either, so Mr Bear will have to suffice.

Goodnight ??
 

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