I can't speak for others but for me, I felt so much emotional pain and so permanently changed or broken as a person, I didn't feel like it was going to ever get better. I found myself thinking that if this was going to be my life, I didn't want to live it so I took a bunch of pills. Luckily for me, I failed. I felt like I carried a large weight around with me all the time and when life got even just a little stressful, it would seem like too much weight on top of all the other baggage I had, and I would become overwhelmed and fall apart. This would happen to me over and over again, I felt like I was in a deep dark well and just couldn't get myself out.
It took me a long time, but I eventually got it through my stubborn head that for my life to change, my view of it and of me had to change first. I couldn't wait for things to become rosy and normal again in order to feel better and happy, I had to find away to choose to feel better anyway, even if things were not great yet. I had to choose to stop viewing what happened to me as "life destroying" and to stop viewing myself as some forever "broken person". I had to change those negative and limiting beliefs/thoughts that were not written in stone. I became open to the possibility that I could choose to feel better, I could heal, and that my life could improve, despite my past, what others thought, or what I was currently feeling and experiencing. I discovered that it took the same amount of effort to destroy myself as it did to love myself, the choice was up to me. I guess in some ways I had to learn to have faith again, which is something I thought I would never be able to do after everything that had happened.
It wasn't easy at first, it was very hard and felt unnatural for me to think positively when things were so dark and had gotten so screwed up. It was sort of a "fake till you make it" thing- I was pretending I felt better and that things could get better and slowly over time and the use of therapy tools like EFT that helped to change my thinking and view of things, my life really did improve, and I really did change.
Now the world seems so different and I feel so different than I did holding those pills in my hand feeling so defeated and out of options. What once was a wavering barely there and barely believable feeling of hope and healing, that at times seemed impossible or invisible, is grown to a strong secure feeling from within me that I will be ok, life is ok again, and should things get rough, I have the tools and knowledge to better cope and be ok from things like stress, or feeling overwhelmed, etc.
It took me a long time, but I eventually got it through my stubborn head that for my life to change, my view of it and of me had to change first. I couldn't wait for things to become rosy and normal again in order to feel better and happy, I had to find away to choose to feel better anyway, even if things were not great yet. I had to choose to stop viewing what happened to me as "life destroying" and to stop viewing myself as some forever "broken person". I had to change those negative and limiting beliefs/thoughts that were not written in stone. I became open to the possibility that I could choose to feel better, I could heal, and that my life could improve, despite my past, what others thought, or what I was currently feeling and experiencing. I discovered that it took the same amount of effort to destroy myself as it did to love myself, the choice was up to me. I guess in some ways I had to learn to have faith again, which is something I thought I would never be able to do after everything that had happened.
It wasn't easy at first, it was very hard and felt unnatural for me to think positively when things were so dark and had gotten so screwed up. It was sort of a "fake till you make it" thing- I was pretending I felt better and that things could get better and slowly over time and the use of therapy tools like EFT that helped to change my thinking and view of things, my life really did improve, and I really did change.
Now the world seems so different and I feel so different than I did holding those pills in my hand feeling so defeated and out of options. What once was a wavering barely there and barely believable feeling of hope and healing, that at times seemed impossible or invisible, is grown to a strong secure feeling from within me that I will be ok, life is ok again, and should things get rough, I have the tools and knowledge to better cope and be ok from things like stress, or feeling overwhelmed, etc.
