General Everybody so strict about table manners, unable to eat?

[Never_falter2]

That’s great that his GI issues are improving! I’d suggest backing off on pressure around food for a few weeks and seek what happens. The best way for me to become anxious about eating: if someone else is focusing on every bite I take.

I see your point... but what if he wouldn’t eat for a while. I wonder if this was okay from a medical point of view when he has already trouble in the bathroom. I fear it would not be.

I am trying to be very nice, like praising him for eating right and not guilt tripping him.

 

[Justmehere]

Is his doctor concerned about weight loss or lack of calories?

 

[Muttly]

Ok... so, my parenting was beyond strict. I regularly got hit and screamed at, at the dinner table if my table manners were bad. I have and had GI issues that are more biological. Both led me to have an eating disorder that was bad at one point in time. There could also be experiences that accord when he was in the military that play into it. We can all make guesses but the person who best know what's going on is your vet.

I will say that because of how I was raised, focus put on my manners would cause me distress and might well make me have more issues around eating. When I was deep into the eating disorder, my close friends expressed concerns about my lack of eating. Some of that was good, because it gave me reality checks. Too much focus wasn't good though because it just made me more stressed about food.

Not sure if any of that helps, but that's my experience and thoughts.

 

[Justmehere]

I struggle with not eating or eating too fast. I have a friend with a serious eating disorder (who is doing well for now.)

There is a place to learn about healthy eating and foods that have lots of fiber. Like “oh hey, I made this bean casserole because the fiber content is high.” It’s a nonjudgmental Andy not out of ordinary attention/pressure on a topic.

Even when my friend was starving herself to death, I wouldn’t try to pressure her into eating. I would encourage her outside of meal times to keep seeing her treatment team for the pain she was in, but not at meal times. That was already high stress.

Around me, she would eat the most. So much that her family begged me to be around more. I just did what I could so that meal time was a relaxed and fun time. I was scared inside that she would die, but she didn’t need food to be associated with more stress than it already was going to be for her.

If someone fussed as to what part of a cake I wanted to eat and not to eat... or praised me for eating the whole cake... I’d just feel like crap. I would scarf down food and run. Just don’t want to deal with it.

If you believe he has a psychological issue with overly strict parents around food, it won’t likely be helped by lots of attention to the small details of his eating habits.

Medically, if the health issues continue, keep encouraging him to see the doctor. I think that the less stress at meal times, and the more positivity that can be associated with exploring lots of healthy foods together, the better.

 

[Never_falter2]

Is his doctor concerned about weight loss or lack of calories?

Actually technically speaking he is overweight. His BMI makes him slightly overweight... but he doesn’t look overweight to me, just a bit pudgy. He has got lots of muscles and they are heavier than fat.

His doctor said his diet is lousy abused him having GI issues and may lead to diabetes heart desease and so on. He told him he needed to change his diet. I think that the doctor doesn’t know he has sometimes trouble eating.

Eating a lot of junk food is far more typical for vet than not eating at all but sometimes he is not eating.

 

[Never_falter2]

Thanks for sharing.

We can all make guesses but the person who best know what's going on is your vet.

No, honestly he doesn’t. He just feels that is stomach is nervous and he doesn’t want to eat.

 

[Kubash16]

No, honestly he doesn’t. He just feels that is stomach is nervous and he doesn’t want to eat.

Is your vet an adult? Cause if so, I would back off of it if I were you. Should he take care of himself? Sure, everyone should. But if I were in his position right now with how much focus there is on his weight, his poop, and his sleep (in the venting thread-not saying you shouldn’t vent on here) I would shut down entirely. I actually have done exactly that before, when my ExH would make comments on my weight or on what I was eating. I would stop eating altogether or just pretend to. Then I would take a longer time getting home so I could stop somewhere, or (when I was a teen) I would hide food under my bed to eat when everyone was asleep. Having everything so heavily focused on would make me claustrophobic, feel like an infant, like I’m too stupid, and I would want to run and if I can’t run I would rebel.

 

[Never_falter2]

If someone fussed as to what part of a cake I wanted to eat and not to eat... or praised me for eating the whole cake... I’d just feel like crap. I would scarf down food and run. Just don’t want to deal with it.

If you believe he has a psychological issue with overly strict parents around food, it won’t likely be helped by lots of attention to the small details of his eating habits.

Why would you feel like crap if somebody praised you?
Vet didn’t sleep well for nights and then we went hiking and one could notice he was very tired, by the way he sighed and so on but trying to suck it up and mostly cheerful and chatting with the kids, went without coffee because hoped for better sleep the next night then (and he slept much better, so it worked). However very brave guy... and ate a lot more then he felt like eating.
So I told him he was every inch an alpha (we do not use that word so much, translating sucks, a leader you know), and that I was very proud of him cause he was being very brave.

I think vet liked it. He smiled at bit.

I didn’t fuss that he left the gelatine on his plate. I noticed. I told you but I didn’t fuss. I am feeling a bit judged here. Sometimes I just need to talk. I didn’t discuss it with Vet. I just encouraged him to eat and later I praised him.

 

[Never_falter2]

Is your vet an adult? Cause if so, I would back off of it if I were you. Should he take care of himself? Sure, everyone should. But if I were in his position right now with how much focus there is on his weight, his poop, and his sleep (in the venting thread-not saying you shouldn’t vent on here) I would shut down entirely. I actually have done exactly that before, when my ExH would make comments on my weight or on what I was eating. I would stop eating altogether or just pretend to.

Boy, I am really feeling a bit judged here. Okay... I‘ll start being judge then too... I think it is very wrong to blame your Ex husband for your choices. I cannot even count how many people made comments about my weight, my looks, my clothes, my graces or lack thereof, my manners, the way I crossed my legs, the expression on my face and so on. Well, it’s their opinion. They are free to express it. I am free to not listen to it and if I do and stop I am to blame not the people are. Your husband did not do anything to you. You did this to yourself.

I never called my vet fat or anything like that. He called himself fat and was sad... but I did not.
I also never complain to him about him having trouble sleeping. He often sleeps very poorly. I often help him go to sleep which is something my vet asked of me not the other way around. I am sometimes worried which I posted in the venting thread. Yes. That is a thread for supporters, my Vet does not read it. Sufferers, who do not like it, do not have to read it too.
Him having constipation... yes, i wrote about this... because it actually sucks when someone you loves is feeling unwell. Actually I just needed to vent but I got lots of great advice.

My vet has a mouth in his face. If he thinks that I pay too much attention to those things, discuss them with him to much he can clearly tell me.

 

[Kubash16]

??? okay.

 

[Never_falter2]

??? okay.

I am not really sure what you are trying to say here... but... however... have a nice day.

 

[Kubash16]

All I’m saying is:

I had two very conflicting influences on food growing up. With mom and step dad every little thing was picked at, given diet pills for breakfast so that I was attractive enough for my stepdad. On my dad’s side I had to eat every single bite he put on my plate or I would be physically punished.

I was thin when I met ExH. But he criticized every single thing I did (food or otherwise) nothing was ever good enough for him and it was constant high stress. This all culminated in my eating disorder and my ExH kidnapping and raping my 14 year old niece because she looked like I did when we met.

Words matter. Focus matters. There’s a way of being supportive without suffocating him by paying attention to every imperfection.