white hyacinth
Bronze Member
When you are depressed, you’re expected to reach out for help. So that’s what I did: I went to several therapists over the years who specialize in trauma and PTSD (group and individual), I've gone through so-called "evidence based" treatment, I probably tried at least 7 different medications, I tried talking to people on this site and elsewhere who were abused and had PTSD like me, and much more.
But when I actually took the initiative to ask for help, most people told me to help myself. I did everything right, but people were still hostile and treated me as if I had done something wrong. They told me I wasn’t trying hard enough, they told me I needed to take some personal responsibility, they told me no one is going to do anything for me (I never thought others would do everything for me), etc. Maybe they were under the presumption that saying things like that will give me some power, but of course it didn’t. They said all that as if I wasn’t trying as hard as I could under the circumstances. By saying those things, what they were really telling me was that I was weak and that there was something morally or fundamentally wrong with me for not "trying harder", even though depression often strips you of your ability to do anything. I can't just think my way out of it, my brain is part of a physical and deterministic world just like everything else. But most importantly, they told me I was alone. The hyper-individualism of the west is pointed to as a possible cause of or factor in depression, yet we are constantly having it thrown in our face as a supposed cure for it.
I tried so hard, just for others to tell me I wasn't trying hard enough. I wish I had realized sooner that really what they were telling me was that they did not want to try to help me, I was a burden for reaching out, and that I was on on my own in the world. I already felt that I was alone and vulnerable in the world, that I other people would only abuse me or disregard me, and that no one would be there for me when I needed them. And every time I stupidly reached out for help, people demonstrated to me that I was right.
My problem was never that I wasn’t “trying hard enough” to get better. There was never anything wrong with me in the first place, my so-called post traumatic stress “disorder” is a necessary and proportionate fear response to a cruel and selfish world where people constantly abuse and disregard each other, a world where everyone tells each other "your on your own" instead of actually helping each other. My real problem was and still is that the world is full of cruel and selfish people, and there’s nothing I can do to avoid being abused because I can't change all of society. So personal responsibility and the selfish and isolating hyper-individualism the western world worships was never going to help me or anyone. If hyper individualism could combat mental illness, rates of depression in the USA certainly wouldn't be going up.
When you’re depressed, you’re expected to reach out for help, all on your own, when you barely have the energy to eat or get out of bed. Then the people who are supposed to help you tell you to help yourself, when you’re obviously in no position to help yourself at all. That is not therapeutic, that is the same ideology that helped put us in this situation in the first place. We need to recognize that everyone is part of a system and that no one person is at fault for anything. No person is completely independent of others, we are all interdependent of each other. Telling someone "Nobody can help you but YOU" isn't going to help them realize the power in themselves, it's actually isolating and dangerous. No one can depend solely on themselves for their happiness, that's not how people work. Humans are a tribal and social species. People need to actually help each other and stop telling the most disadvantaged people in society to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, (by the way, the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" saying doesn't mean what you think it means). A person can't just think their way out of depression, social and environmental factors in their life have to change. Our society is toxic, abusive, neglectful and broken, it needs to change in order for people to be happier and healthier.
Many people on this site are guilty of this sort of selfish, anti-social, hyper individualist, bootstrap thinking. I hope some of you can learn from this post because what you are doing is wrong and harmful, but you can change. Take some time to learn and grow. Anyway, I'm gonna recommend the book Lost Connections by Johann Hari again, and I'll end this post by also leaving you with this video to help you understand- Challenging the Bootstraps Myth.
But when I actually took the initiative to ask for help, most people told me to help myself. I did everything right, but people were still hostile and treated me as if I had done something wrong. They told me I wasn’t trying hard enough, they told me I needed to take some personal responsibility, they told me no one is going to do anything for me (I never thought others would do everything for me), etc. Maybe they were under the presumption that saying things like that will give me some power, but of course it didn’t. They said all that as if I wasn’t trying as hard as I could under the circumstances. By saying those things, what they were really telling me was that I was weak and that there was something morally or fundamentally wrong with me for not "trying harder", even though depression often strips you of your ability to do anything. I can't just think my way out of it, my brain is part of a physical and deterministic world just like everything else. But most importantly, they told me I was alone. The hyper-individualism of the west is pointed to as a possible cause of or factor in depression, yet we are constantly having it thrown in our face as a supposed cure for it.
I tried so hard, just for others to tell me I wasn't trying hard enough. I wish I had realized sooner that really what they were telling me was that they did not want to try to help me, I was a burden for reaching out, and that I was on on my own in the world. I already felt that I was alone and vulnerable in the world, that I other people would only abuse me or disregard me, and that no one would be there for me when I needed them. And every time I stupidly reached out for help, people demonstrated to me that I was right.
My problem was never that I wasn’t “trying hard enough” to get better. There was never anything wrong with me in the first place, my so-called post traumatic stress “disorder” is a necessary and proportionate fear response to a cruel and selfish world where people constantly abuse and disregard each other, a world where everyone tells each other "your on your own" instead of actually helping each other. My real problem was and still is that the world is full of cruel and selfish people, and there’s nothing I can do to avoid being abused because I can't change all of society. So personal responsibility and the selfish and isolating hyper-individualism the western world worships was never going to help me or anyone. If hyper individualism could combat mental illness, rates of depression in the USA certainly wouldn't be going up.
When you’re depressed, you’re expected to reach out for help, all on your own, when you barely have the energy to eat or get out of bed. Then the people who are supposed to help you tell you to help yourself, when you’re obviously in no position to help yourself at all. That is not therapeutic, that is the same ideology that helped put us in this situation in the first place. We need to recognize that everyone is part of a system and that no one person is at fault for anything. No person is completely independent of others, we are all interdependent of each other. Telling someone "Nobody can help you but YOU" isn't going to help them realize the power in themselves, it's actually isolating and dangerous. No one can depend solely on themselves for their happiness, that's not how people work. Humans are a tribal and social species. People need to actually help each other and stop telling the most disadvantaged people in society to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, (by the way, the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" saying doesn't mean what you think it means). A person can't just think their way out of depression, social and environmental factors in their life have to change. Our society is toxic, abusive, neglectful and broken, it needs to change in order for people to be happier and healthier.
Many people on this site are guilty of this sort of selfish, anti-social, hyper individualist, bootstrap thinking. I hope some of you can learn from this post because what you are doing is wrong and harmful, but you can change. Take some time to learn and grow. Anyway, I'm gonna recommend the book Lost Connections by Johann Hari again, and I'll end this post by also leaving you with this video to help you understand- Challenging the Bootstraps Myth.
