How do you tell the difference between going numb/dissociating and just not caring about someone anymore?

[EveHarrington]

How do you tell the difference between going numb/dissociating and just not caring about someone anymore?

 

[Freida]

I can't. It's one of the ptsd things that drives me nuts. Do I want him out of my life forever or am I just overwhelmed and needing space? Hopefully I'll get around to working on it with t eventually

 

[Sideways]

Are they necessarily different things?

If it’s about whether or not I should preserve a relationship when I’ve switched off? The question is more about ‘when did I stop being okay, and why?’ It may or may not have anything to do with the relationship.

If I stopped being okay and it was probably not the relationship? I work on my stress cup, and hope the relationship can ride it out till I’m feeling it again.

 

[Friday]

Cause & the absence of pain.

In order for me to actually become indifferent/stop caring about someone? There has to be a damn good reason AND either the reason or the loss -or both- always hurt.

Vs

- If I wake up one day and simply DGAF?
- Am furious, stressed out, grumpy about something else?
- Am grieving, despairing, or in pain?

Shrug. So I look for cause and I look for the pain of their loss. If there isn’t both? It’s just me, doing my thing; and I can know intellectually that I care about them, and act accordingly, until I can feel it again.

 

[candor]

That is pretty clear to me. If I dissociate, that’s a big red flag that this is something mega dangerous. I may or may not realize that I am in this state but it means huge instability and stress. It sort of feels like I have become invisible. If I am numb, it is less of a feeling and more of a realization that I am incapable of the appropriate emotional response. I might be thinking “why am I not crying? Anyone else would right now. Is this good? Is this bad? Where did the feeling go?” Dissociation and numbing happens to me and is not a choice. Not caring about someone anymore is a deliberate decision and usually a consequence of a betrayal. I decide not to have feelings anymore.

 

[Ronin]

Numb just happens. Something spontaneous, impermanent, reactive to wrong timing etc & circumstances, nbd. There is going back from numb.

Done is a sequence, found or been given a reason to not care. Enough of wrong there isn’t going back.

Emotionally, there usually is a lot of numb in done, but being finis is different. Numb adds fog. Finished is clarity. Hurting as f*ck, but clarity.

 

[grit]

I call mine apathy! and honestly I talk about it when I am not apathetic so my husbands knows this side of me and can be his own pillar in those days. If I am about to check out, I use language even if I do not have the feelings. I am sorry babe I am not in the mood for talking or even having fun. Please let me get back to you and then go to abyss of my own making.

 

[hithere]

what a great question. I'm not sure of a good answer either.

 

[Spacefish]

Dissociation and numbing happens to me and is not a choice. Not caring about someone anymore is a deliberate decision and usually a consequence of a betrayal. I decide not to have feelings anymore.

Totally me too.

I've pushed everyone away, always have. It has always been a very conscious and deliberate decision where most of the time they have done something to betray my trust, or I recognise something in them from an abuser ... and out of the hurt I switch off and walk. There is no going back.

The numb and dissociation I feel like I have no control over. It can become terrifying and I can't work out if that terror is from being dissociated whilst being abused - or not having control - or both. My mission at the moments to go with the dissociation and try to be calm, to displace the terror. It isn't going so well today.

 

[Cypress]

I recently had exactly this issue in a work situation. Did I numb out and dissociate or do I just not give a f***k anymore. I did a skype session with my T about this very issue. He thought I was numbed out but didn't really have a good argument that convinced me.

What convinced me I was numb and not apathetic was the dramatic decrease in my ability to feel physical pain. I wasn't feeling emotional or physical pain in that state.

Maybe it's the same for you? Has your physical pain tolerance changed?

 

[HealingInProcess]

Yeah numb and dissociation feel like reactions to being overwhelmed for me. I dunno.

 

[joeylittle]

Numb, to me, is a shut-down - but not in a dissociative way. When dissociated, I'm not sure what I'm thinking. And just not caring anymore is something I associate with relief. Or, the absence of stress, to be more precise.