What does safety mean to you?

[Rani G2]

retired service dog and she comforts me. She barked until I woke up from the nightmare.

Yes, she sure is! :-) ?

 

[Tinyflame]

I dreamt of one of my dog's last night, that was hit by a car. I was saying he was alive but no one believed me, and I knew how it sounded, but it was so (now, in my dream) and we were reunited.

I always felt safe with especially 3 of my dogs, 2 in childhood and one in my adulthood. :inlove:

 

[Sunfl0wer]

Safety is more of a concept for me. It's something more relative than a fact: I feel less safe or safer but not completely safe in the meaning that most people attach to it.

To me, things got a bit less complicated once I understood that the term "safety" did not hold the same meaning as to "normal" people. Their definition feels more like an illusion to me, but it does not mean that I cannot learn to feel more comfortable even with the different knowledge that abuse survivors/PTSD sufferers get. I feel at my safest when my anxiety is not too high and my fiance holds me in his arms, that's enough for me.

 

[katz]

Hi everyone. I’m struggling with the concept of safety. I’m a CSA survivor who endured multiple forms of childhood abuse for many years with different parents and caregivers. Perhaps I have never felt safe to understand what it feels like. What I’m wondering is if you do not feel unsafe, does that automatically make you feel safe? Or is there something additional that makes for safety - something definable in its own right beyond not feeling unsafe. What does safety mean to you and feel like? And has it evolved for you over time in your healing? Thank you!

Like you- I was r***ed by multiple people, both family and strangers, in my childhood. So, I can certainly understand some of the feelings that you have with "feeling safe". A lot of people just look at me odd when I tell them that I have never felt "safe".

I'm still not sure what would make me feel safe. Maybe being alone?? In control? Both at the same time?

 

[Starfish]

It looks like my amygdala is programmed to feel unsafe, since birth, most likely. 24/7. I have no memory of feeling safe, ever.

Safe to me means that no matter the circumstance I'm my own temple and I choose what my mindset is to the best of my ability.

I would like to be able to do this.... so far it has not happened but daily I try so many tactics to help me feel safe. For me it is having other humans around.....huge trigger it turns out. Took me a long time to figure that out.When alone, I do not feel safe as I obsess about what will I do if I have to interact with someone.

 

[Mach123]

I'm sure this will sound silly and pathetic after reading everything all of you had to say.

I feel safe if I belong to you.

It's not real real lol. The women I've belonged to can't protect me. It just makes no difference though. The one I belong to now can't protect me.

But I can feel really unsafe (put any feeling that's not good here you want) and she says "everything is ok," and it is.

If she says it's not, ?.

 

[MrMoonlight]

just free writing:

being in control
financially set
my own home
a vehicle from this century with A/C
maintaining my mental health
meditation
clean air in my space
a dark locked room with heavy blankets when needed
someone to love that loves me
water
music
cleanliness
a lit home at night (no shadows or open blinds)
an animal to love
heavy rain
earphones
my sister
people here and this place
my therapist
ability to say no
healthy boundaries
the ability to pay for my own shit
teeth
isolation sometimes
square breathing and grounding
being in this moment (not the past or future)
rescue

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

for me I don't ever feel safe, always guarded. But I am making some progress turning things around. The difference in teaching my brain that safe can exist if I open up to it.

 

[Tinyflame]

I forgot about this thread, so I hope this is within context as I just got tagged and it drew me to it, but exactly what I was thinking/ 'feeling' about: that it's really nice when someone's words or actions don't scare me. I mean, of course it's no one's requirement not to do so (except for not being abusive). Or, not even predictable/ not intentioned to be a trigger. But, even to be known well enough, or simply coincidental, or a kindly temperament/ heart for others, or a combination of all or more- it's just so nice for my mind and/ or body not to be triggered. (And if long term stuff not addressed biochemically gets stored as long term memory which triggers quickly to keep us safe, yikes- what a minefield :( ). Somehow it feels like safety, relief, protection. (I think?)

So, safety means (to me) someone has your back, and vice versa. Be it God or a HP, and people. And our animals/ pets too.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[Tinyflame]

Perhaps I have never felt safe to understand what it feels like

Just wanted to add, I think too (just speaking for me), I'm neither in the habit (more like not understanding or in the mindset), of really not only noticing when/ if I feel safe, but trying to recall it, and 're-feel' it? And keep 'doing' that.

And also to add, I think it is possible that in protecting myself, or others from me, even the latter is really about 'me'. By that I mean, not only my problem or responsibility of course, but making my feelings/ my protection the motivator, often. As in, I am protecting others from me- because I feel bad/ unsafe. Which could actually be hurtful to others (though it feels like it's to their benefit). (And ultimately hurtful to myself, also, of course).

 

[Lionheart]

I believe that I am relatively safe most of the time If my basic, human rights and needs are not being compromised. So establishing healthy boundaries and healthy ways of meeting my needs, are two ways that I feel mentally and emotionally safe.

However, when it comes to being physically safe from harm, I tend to think that safety is an illusion. This may be due to catastrophic thinking and a history of multiple abuse traumas.

This is a good thread and has given me much to think about. Thanks.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Lionheart777 your post I find I identify with many of your points. But for me i never feel safe, always afraid of what comes next, my boundaries are so far out that my hyper-vigilance keeps me enforcing those boundaries, in many ways they are so far out that you could say they don't exist on the horizon anymore. it gives me a poor quality of life.

But don't take what I just wrote as that is how I feel in the moment, it is how I am, and that is changing for the good. I am in equestrian therapy and it is breaking down these boundaries, they are already closer. Quality of life moving away from poor to better.