Sufferer Anyone have any love to spare? PTSD/DID, need support

[ChildofGod]

No need for apologies. I'm sorry that you're going through such a rough time. I hope things get better and feel better for you too.

 

[talon]

i'm feeling like my sense of safety and sense of self has further deteriorated. The people responsible take pleasure in corroding my sense of safety and sense of self and i feel stuck. Either defend myself and lose all including my loved one or don't stay with my loved one who cares about me or be taken from my loved; to be or to not to be. damned if i do, damned if i don't. i feel like i'm either going to pop or burn away - and i dont feel like a phoenix but i feel like i'd be the bad guy. I have very limited supports and need caring folks to converse with. i've been isolated for so long.

Not sure if it's helps to put our there or not but i struggle with High-Functioning Lvl 2 Asperger's (ASD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder w/psychotic PTSD. I have one (surrogate family member) family member left who loves me, things are getting worse, i'm an orphan, and my loved one is going through caregiver burnout.

Hope i can help you as i am someone who has helped others and if i can then i am here for you . Please don't give up there is so much that can be done and being here helps so please stay and keep in touch . Will check up to see if you respond to this . Please be patient and be brave. Remember yesterday is history tomorrow a mystery all we have is today and today is a gift and that's why we call it the present.

 

[J.D Wolf]

thank you, @ROBERT TALON. I appreciate this. i've been struggling with; stressors, traumas, my tormentors, and just life in general. It's like i cant catch a break or adjust.

 

[Lauren Rose]

I am sorry for what you are going through. It must be very difficult. I first came to this site in 2011-12 and I think I was so close to my pain that I couldn't connect to the people here and eventually drifted away. I have recently been tossed into that familiar emotional pit and I remembered this community and came back in. Thank the gods I am able to take in the life giving, suffering easing information and contact with my people. Smile. I hope you find some comfort and especially some ideas and maybe even guidance in the posts. What I do know is "she who cannot howl will never find her pack" ... so howl! It's working for me. See you in the posts...

 

[J.D Wolf]

you like wolves too? I love wolves. Wolves are one of my special interests.
Thank you by the way. I so far really like the site and i hope no one gets upset i dont reply right way or anything. I know everyone has said its ok but i feel so weird about it but i need the flexibility tho.
And wait...this site was around in 2011? I miss all the best things. I feel like golum from Lord of the rings now. lol
i'm very connected to my pain too. everywhere is danger. I see danger in everything even in things that i feel may not have danger. Like your post. I dont think i know you but you seem familiar and even if i know you that doesn't mean your're a stranger danger. With my Dissociative Identity Disorder, extreme PTSD is one of my symptoms. I was on a bus full of people today and all i could think about was i need safety from these dangerous dangers. I don't even know them. I had an appointment today and had to take the bus home. I dont do well trying to get to places by a particular time on the bus but going somewhere where im not expected there at a particular time helps, sometimes. I'm rambling onto a tangent - i'm sorry. @Lauren Rose

 

[DekuDeku]

I have plenty of love to spare. I wish you the best and if you need anyone to talk to we are here for you.

 

[Lauren Rose]

@J.D Smiles ack! Public transportation can be tricky!! Add in DID and it’s a nightmare. A generous helping of PTSD and now it’s a terror dream! I am always amazed at the resiliency of my people finding a way through the fear and not letting it own them. ? We have a mostly above ground subway system here called the sky train. Back in my dark times, I was on this sky train when a severe panic attack hit me full force. Hard enough my bowels let go! I don’t even know how I got home. I was 45 minutes drive away at least. I think I walked. I’ve only been on that sky train 3 times since and it’s been about 8 years. The struggle is real! Hmmmm. Now that sounds like a good challenge to take on to further my efforts to live I. “I Am Safe.” ??

 

[talon]

thank you, @ROBERT TALON. I appreciate this. i've been struggling with; stressors, traumas, my tormentors, and just life in general. It's like i cant catch a break or adjust.

So how can we help and what do you think will help you . Can you reveal more about what to prioritize . Life can be like waves in a storm you have to face them turning your back on them will mean you drown

 

[talon]

i'm feeling like my sense of safety and sense of self has further deteriorated. The people responsible take pleasure in corroding my sense of safety and sense of self and i feel stuck. Either defend myself and lose all including my loved one or don't stay with my loved one who cares about me or be taken from my loved; to be or to not to be. damned if i do, damned if i don't. i feel like i'm either going to pop or burn away - and i dont feel like a phoenix but i feel like i'd be the bad guy. I have very limited supports and need caring folks to converse with. i've been isolated for so long.

Not sure if it's helps to put our there or not but i struggle with High-Functioning Lvl 2 Asperger's (ASD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder w/psychotic PTSD. I have one (surrogate family member) family member left who loves me, things are getting worse, i'm an orphan, and my loved one is going through caregiver burnout.

Hi i am here and will pop in from time to time to see how i can help plenty of love to go round so you are not alone

 

[J.D Wolf]

So how can we help and what do you think will help you . Can you reveal more about what to prioritize . Life can be like waves in a storm you have to face them turning your back on them will mean you drown

I'll first say a little about myself.
I am not violent or aggressive. I’m actually more of a laid-back but ambitious, logical and humorous kind of guy, with a gritty Virgo/Libra ENTJ personality. I am Jewish Universalist & Taoist, and my aspirations include continuing my pursuits of becoming an Artivist & Peer Counselor and family-man. Also, an Artivist is an artist-activist. I love art and humanities, art entertainment, community awareness, and mental illness recovery education. I was reading Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe since I was 4 and I participated in some college level programs in grade school. I also had a very short stent in college after graduating high school – my ailments got worse with very little effective supports. Now I’m still fighting and laughing to keep going, and the days I really want to give up, I don’t, in memoriam to my late parents who kept fighting their battles with cancers that left me an orphan.
I struggle with High-Functioning level 2 Asperger's (ASD), Dissocative Identity Disorder, and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
Alot of trauma. A big part of my trauma is from relatives which in my psyche is different from family. My stressors are a number of things, which i was hoping to come here to talk with folks about to to get real people to speak with and not; formal, stiff, scripted and limited responses, or quick emotionless responses from people who seem like robots. Also my tormentors. Which my relatives are included in that.
The only support i have and family is not related to me but we're that close. Her name is Cindy and she is sick with a world of stressors and i feel like i'm losing her like i lost my parents. We are all we have and we are extremely limited in helping each others. Recently things have gotten so bad i've signed guardianship over to Cindy.
I am targeted by relatives with really bad motives and stalkers. I'm kinda a recluse by circumstance.
I'm may be losing everything including; health insurance, housing, psych and medical services (also just as i was told my kidneys are getting worse etc. I also have lupus sle and other medical stuff.), and various other resources i might be losing. Alot of me losing this stuff is due to interference in my care and resources from relatives and stalkers. The suckie part its all within a grey area where you know they are doing but its not enough evidence to sue or have police help so again my sense safety is further corroding. I've been homeless before after running away from messed-up relatives i was staying with at the time since my mom died and i dont want to go homeless again. There are deadlines and deadlines stress me out and flare up my ailments. Also one of the things im losing didnt give much of a deadline. i ONLY had one week basically to fix everything or lose it all and they apologize for only giving 24 hour notice i am welcome to appeal. That one week is up this friday.
I have no idea how to navigate this stuff and Cindy is struggling to help. There are a billion other things but this is few of the top priority issues.
There might be helpful suggestions folks could offer but i'd also like to talk to folks and not feel so isolated, alienated and ostracized. I'd like to also talk about some of the other stressors later too.
I really appreciate you taking the time to speak with me and wanting to help.

 

[J.D Wolf]

@J.D Smiles ack! Public transportation can be tricky!! Add in DID and it’s a nightmare. A generous helping of PTSD and now it’s a terror dream! I am always amazed at the resiliency of my people finding a way through the fear and not letting it own them. ? We have a mostly above ground subway system here called the sky train. Back in my dark times, I was on this sky train when a severe panic attack hit me full force. Hard enough my bowels let go! I don’t even know how I got home. I was 45 minutes drive away at least. I think I walked. I’ve only been on that sky train 3 times since and it’s been about 8 years. The struggle is real! Hmmmm. Now that sounds like a good challenge to take on to further my efforts to live I. “I Am Safe.” ??

Thank you. Sometimes its really difficult for me to use the bus. I'm not sure if ive take an above ground subway system. that sounds new and interesting. Is it like a theme park ride? Im weird. Public transit can bother me but theme parks dont epecially if the swarms of people arent triggering me. i do better away from crowds or in small groups. i still want to understand why this is. Skydiving is fine with me too. Its cool you'll challenge your triggers and im sorry about that panic episode you had on the skytrain. And im sorry, my ptsd alerts me to people even when i dont know them or see them.

 

[talon]

I'll first say a little about myself.
I am not violent or aggressive. I’m actually more of a laid-back but ambitious, logical and humorous kind of guy, with a gritty Virgo/Libra ENTJ personality. I am Jewish Universalist & Taoist, and my aspirations include continuing my pursuits of becoming an Artivist & Peer Counselor and family-man. Also, an Artivist is an artist-activist. I love art and humanities, art entertainment, community awareness, and mental illness recovery education. I was reading Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe since I was 4 and I participated in some college level programs in grade school. I also had a very short stent in college after graduating high school – my ailments got worse with very little effective supports. Now I’m still fighting and laughing to keep going, and the days I really want to give up, I don’t, in memoriam to my late parents who kept fighting their battles with cancers that left me an orphan.
I struggle with High-Functioning level 2 Asperger's (ASD), Dissocative Identity Disorder, and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
Alot of trauma. A big part of my trauma is from relatives which in my psyche is different from family. My stressors are a number of things, which i was hoping to come here to talk with folks about to to get real people to speak with and not; formal, stiff, scripted and limited responses, or quick emotionless responses from people who seem like robots. Also my tormentors. Which my relatives are included in that.
The only support i have and family is not related to me but we're that close. Her name is Cindy and she is sick with a world of stressors and i feel like i'm losing her like i lost my parents. We are all we have and we are extremely limited in helping each others. Recently things have gotten so bad i've signed guardianship over to Cindy.
I am targeted by relatives with really bad motives and stalkers. I'm kinda a recluse by circumstance.
I'm may be losing everything including; health insurance, housing, psych and medical services (also just as i was told my kidneys are getting worse etc. I also have lupus sle and other medical stuff.), and various other resources i might be losing. Alot of me losing this stuff is due to interference in my care and resources from relatives and stalkers. The suckie part its all within a grey area where you know they are doing but its not enough evidence to sue or have police help so again my sense safety is further corroding. I've been homeless before after running away from messed-up relatives i was staying with at the time since my mom died and i dont want to go homeless again. There are deadlines and deadlines stress me out and flare up my ailments. Also one of the things im losing didnt give much of a deadline. i ONLY had one week basically to fix everything or lose it all and they apologize for only giving 24 hour notice i am welcome to appeal. That one week is up this friday.
I have no idea how to navigate this stuff and Cindy is struggling to help. There are a billion other things but this is few of the top priority issues.
There might be helpful suggestions folks could offer but i'd also like to talk to folks and not feel so isolated, alienated and ostracized. I'd like to also talk about some of the other stressors later too.
I really appreciate you taking the time to speak with me and wanting to help.

Boy the first thing i need to say is that you are clearly not a victim but a survivor despite all the setbacks and stuff which are outside of your control . Life is hard. There are times when challenges seem like a mountain, tall and steep, stretching up in front of us. The obstacles seem insurmountable, with no end in sight and no relief coming our way but just as we near the summit we fall . I have a strong faith but i am not into religion but my faith sustains and comforts me i know wherever i am i am not alone . There are people i'm sure who can help . I suggest you list all those things which are a real priority health and home and happiness and wellbeing . I will continue to look out for you and hope you stay with it because just when you feel there is no hope that is the time when you need to continue believing . Tell Cindy how special she is to you and tell her you value her as your special friend but that you are there for her as much as she is for you . That is a priority as losing each other would be a tragedy . Much Love respect Robbie