Hello all,
I signed up hoping I could get some answers, maybe pointed in the right direction.
First my history. I am a 45 year old male, married 21 years, and have 3 boys, and own my own business. I was diagnosed years ago with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Currently I am on Lexapro for it, and it keeps it in check pretty well. For a short time I had been switched to Effexor, but it was not that effective, and had a severe anxiety attack that lasted about a week. It was the first one like that in about 15 years.
Last August my father passed away suddenly, he was 77. My mother called a little after 2AM while we were sleeping, and said something was wrong with my dad and she had already called 911. I ran down to her house about 6 miles away, the ambulance had already taken him, my mother was not ready to go because of everything, so I picked her up and headed to the hospital. My oldest son, 16, wanted to come along as well, so I let him.
On the way to the hospital, my mother told me that he had started a new blood pressure med the day before, and one of the side effects could be seizures. We figured that is what happened.
The hospital would not let us see him for about an hour and a half while they ran tests. We got in to see him, but he was unresponsive, and no one let us know what was going on. He still was having seizure like activity, and my son could not take it so he went back to the waiting room. About 15 minutes later I went out check on my son. On my way out, I saw some MRI images on a computer monitor behind the nurses station. I knew what I saw was not good. There was a very large bleed on the brain. I asked if it was his image, they said "yes", I said it was not good was it, they said "no". A few minutes later the doctor came in and told us nothing could be done, it was too much, too fast. On doctor said they could send him to another hospital, but it was doubtful they could do anything and if they could he would have severe damage and impaired in unknown ways. This was around 5 or 5:30AM. He passed on just before 9AM.
The whole following week was a blur. I have a lot of gaps in my memory about what happened. I remember going to pick out the casket, making arrangements and stuff, but do not recall other things. My wife tells me about this person, or that person that stopped up, brought us food, talked with us sometimes for hours, and I have no recollection of it at all.
Since then, things have not gotten better. In September my wife had a bad attack of some sort, but refused to go to the hospital. On Thanksgiving evening, she had another. This time I took her. Turned out to be gall bladder. She had her gall bladder removed in early Jan., as they could not do it before because of the holidays.
My mother stayed with us to help out, instead I ended up taking care of both of them. My mother, 84, has trigeminal neuralgia which causes extreme pain in her face. The whole time she was with us, she was fighting it. It made it tough on me to try to take care of them both, plus the kids, plus one of my boys has sensory processing disorder, and sees therapists twice a week.
I guess it was in April sometime my mother fell, hit her head and had two huge lumps, another ER visit and recuperating time. In May, my wife fell while dusting and messed up her thumb. Took almost 3 weeks to get an MRI done and see a Dr. who then refereed us to a hand specialist. She had torn the ligament in her thumb and needed surgery on it. Surgery was in early July, we had to travel about 60 miles to the hospital where it was done.
My kids and mother all wanted to go. While my wife was in surgery, they decided to go outside on the bench while I was in the waiting room, I was fine with that. Unbeknownst to me, they decided to walk to a CVS pharmacy about two blocks away. Once again my mother fell, but it was worse this time. My youngest ran in to tell me, and two nurses ran out with me. I was literally walking between the ER where my mother was, and the OR waiting room to get updates. Long story short, my mother broke one tooth off, shoved the other front one up in, fractured her cheekbone, and severely bruised her chin and neck.
Another 2 weeks of taking care of both of them. Luckily my wife was able to do some with her splint on. She just got the stitches out a few days ago, and is beginning to get movement in her thumb. After several specialist visits, my mother is on the mend too. She still need to get the teeth taken care of, then we are going to a larger medical center to some specialist about her neuralgia issue.
As you can see, it has been a rough year.
Now on to my symptoms and issues, that I think look like some form of PTSD.
Since my father passed, I have had some issues. During the day, if I rest or try to take a nap, I will awake with a start. The whole thing comes back to me, and the realization that my father is gone. A sadness, and fear grab me by the gut. I thought it would fade, but it is just a few days from being a year, and it still happens almost every time I start to doze during the day.
My wives grandmother has a tendency of calling very early in the morning sometimes. The first time this happened, I literately jumped from the bed, ran out into the living room yelling "something is wrong!" Something is wrong!". My heart was pounding so fast, I felt uncontrolled fear. When my wife said it was just Grandma, it turned to anger. I about went into a rage yelling, then almost fell to my knees crying.
Lately I have been having nightmares, mostly about my dad's passing. I can get to sleep at night with no problem with a Klonapin and Melitonin, but have woken up numerous times from the dreams. Two this week so far.
Yesterday I had a very bad dream about my dad not being dead, but they were closing the casket on him. Then they were doing it to my mother, she was semi awake, and someone told her it was time for her long sleep, and closed the casket cover on her.
Just then, the phone rang. I jumped up and ran out. Heart pounding, that overwhelming fear again. My wife said it was OK, and I went back and lay down. The phone again rang, apparently they had a bad connection. This time I did not jump up. A few minutes later I walked out to the kitchen. My wife was in one of the side rooms and I did not know she was there. She asked me what was wrong. It surprised me, as I didn't know she was there. I perceived it that she was yelling at me, she claims she didn't, but that was the way I took it.
The fear and anger overtook me again, and I went into a yelling fit (I have never hit or hurt anyone). I grabbed the car keys and yelling something I went out to the car, not even knowing where I was going. I just sat in the car for a few minutes, and the wife came out to talk. I told her about the dream, and the phone call startling me again, she was about in tears. She asked me if I wanted to talk to someone, some family friends or something. I just started balling repeating that I wanted to talk with my dad. I was inconsolable for about a half hour.
So, there it is, I am laying it all on the line. Maybe just putting it in words will help, they say it does. I know I am a 45 year old man, but when this happens I feel like a frightened 5 year old. I hope others do not view me that way.
I signed up hoping I could get some answers, maybe pointed in the right direction.
First my history. I am a 45 year old male, married 21 years, and have 3 boys, and own my own business. I was diagnosed years ago with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Currently I am on Lexapro for it, and it keeps it in check pretty well. For a short time I had been switched to Effexor, but it was not that effective, and had a severe anxiety attack that lasted about a week. It was the first one like that in about 15 years.
Last August my father passed away suddenly, he was 77. My mother called a little after 2AM while we were sleeping, and said something was wrong with my dad and she had already called 911. I ran down to her house about 6 miles away, the ambulance had already taken him, my mother was not ready to go because of everything, so I picked her up and headed to the hospital. My oldest son, 16, wanted to come along as well, so I let him.
On the way to the hospital, my mother told me that he had started a new blood pressure med the day before, and one of the side effects could be seizures. We figured that is what happened.
The hospital would not let us see him for about an hour and a half while they ran tests. We got in to see him, but he was unresponsive, and no one let us know what was going on. He still was having seizure like activity, and my son could not take it so he went back to the waiting room. About 15 minutes later I went out check on my son. On my way out, I saw some MRI images on a computer monitor behind the nurses station. I knew what I saw was not good. There was a very large bleed on the brain. I asked if it was his image, they said "yes", I said it was not good was it, they said "no". A few minutes later the doctor came in and told us nothing could be done, it was too much, too fast. On doctor said they could send him to another hospital, but it was doubtful they could do anything and if they could he would have severe damage and impaired in unknown ways. This was around 5 or 5:30AM. He passed on just before 9AM.
The whole following week was a blur. I have a lot of gaps in my memory about what happened. I remember going to pick out the casket, making arrangements and stuff, but do not recall other things. My wife tells me about this person, or that person that stopped up, brought us food, talked with us sometimes for hours, and I have no recollection of it at all.
Since then, things have not gotten better. In September my wife had a bad attack of some sort, but refused to go to the hospital. On Thanksgiving evening, she had another. This time I took her. Turned out to be gall bladder. She had her gall bladder removed in early Jan., as they could not do it before because of the holidays.
My mother stayed with us to help out, instead I ended up taking care of both of them. My mother, 84, has trigeminal neuralgia which causes extreme pain in her face. The whole time she was with us, she was fighting it. It made it tough on me to try to take care of them both, plus the kids, plus one of my boys has sensory processing disorder, and sees therapists twice a week.
I guess it was in April sometime my mother fell, hit her head and had two huge lumps, another ER visit and recuperating time. In May, my wife fell while dusting and messed up her thumb. Took almost 3 weeks to get an MRI done and see a Dr. who then refereed us to a hand specialist. She had torn the ligament in her thumb and needed surgery on it. Surgery was in early July, we had to travel about 60 miles to the hospital where it was done.
My kids and mother all wanted to go. While my wife was in surgery, they decided to go outside on the bench while I was in the waiting room, I was fine with that. Unbeknownst to me, they decided to walk to a CVS pharmacy about two blocks away. Once again my mother fell, but it was worse this time. My youngest ran in to tell me, and two nurses ran out with me. I was literally walking between the ER where my mother was, and the OR waiting room to get updates. Long story short, my mother broke one tooth off, shoved the other front one up in, fractured her cheekbone, and severely bruised her chin and neck.
Another 2 weeks of taking care of both of them. Luckily my wife was able to do some with her splint on. She just got the stitches out a few days ago, and is beginning to get movement in her thumb. After several specialist visits, my mother is on the mend too. She still need to get the teeth taken care of, then we are going to a larger medical center to some specialist about her neuralgia issue.
As you can see, it has been a rough year.
Now on to my symptoms and issues, that I think look like some form of PTSD.
Since my father passed, I have had some issues. During the day, if I rest or try to take a nap, I will awake with a start. The whole thing comes back to me, and the realization that my father is gone. A sadness, and fear grab me by the gut. I thought it would fade, but it is just a few days from being a year, and it still happens almost every time I start to doze during the day.
My wives grandmother has a tendency of calling very early in the morning sometimes. The first time this happened, I literately jumped from the bed, ran out into the living room yelling "something is wrong!" Something is wrong!". My heart was pounding so fast, I felt uncontrolled fear. When my wife said it was just Grandma, it turned to anger. I about went into a rage yelling, then almost fell to my knees crying.
Lately I have been having nightmares, mostly about my dad's passing. I can get to sleep at night with no problem with a Klonapin and Melitonin, but have woken up numerous times from the dreams. Two this week so far.
Yesterday I had a very bad dream about my dad not being dead, but they were closing the casket on him. Then they were doing it to my mother, she was semi awake, and someone told her it was time for her long sleep, and closed the casket cover on her.
Just then, the phone rang. I jumped up and ran out. Heart pounding, that overwhelming fear again. My wife said it was OK, and I went back and lay down. The phone again rang, apparently they had a bad connection. This time I did not jump up. A few minutes later I walked out to the kitchen. My wife was in one of the side rooms and I did not know she was there. She asked me what was wrong. It surprised me, as I didn't know she was there. I perceived it that she was yelling at me, she claims she didn't, but that was the way I took it.
The fear and anger overtook me again, and I went into a yelling fit (I have never hit or hurt anyone). I grabbed the car keys and yelling something I went out to the car, not even knowing where I was going. I just sat in the car for a few minutes, and the wife came out to talk. I told her about the dream, and the phone call startling me again, she was about in tears. She asked me if I wanted to talk to someone, some family friends or something. I just started balling repeating that I wanted to talk with my dad. I was inconsolable for about a half hour.
So, there it is, I am laying it all on the line. Maybe just putting it in words will help, they say it does. I know I am a 45 year old man, but when this happens I feel like a frightened 5 year old. I hope others do not view me that way.
