Relationship PTSD first time triggered

[Freida]

PTSD, trauma, symptoms, coping mechanisms, nightmares, anxiety, depression, rage, self loathing etc. etc. are all very personal and private issues sufferers are dealing with. They aren't going to share these things with just anyone. It can take years to gain trust like that.

You forgot embarrassment. :rolleyes:
That is the hardest part for me. It is so frustratingly embarrassing. The constant fighting to not let people are how broken I am, admitting that I can't cope, letting people know that I can't keep my shit together and that I have demons in my head. So very very embarrassing. And I'm female - I can't imagine how much worse it must be for the guys.

@Songbirdhero I think you are doing really well -especially since its your first ride on this particular rodeo. Talk about learning on the fly! Please don't be too hard on yourself with the what ifs. Cause those? Never make sense :)

 

[Songbirdhero]

You forgot embarrassment. :rolleyes:
That is the hardest part for me. It is so frustratingly embarrassing. The constant fighting to not let people are how broken I am, admitting that I can't cope, letting people know that I can't keep my shit together and that I have demons in my head. So very very embarrassing. And I'm female - I can't imagine how much worse it must be for the guys.

@Songbirdhero I think you are doing really well -especially since its your first ride on this particular rodeo. Talk about learning on the fly! Please don't be too hard on yourself with the what ifs. Cause those? Never make sense :)

It's made me think alot about what those who have served our country have gone through and what they have to live with for the rest of their lives. It makes me sad I can't help at all, other than offer support.
I hadn't thought of the embarassment part because I just want to talk to him about anything like we used to. To me that's the last thing I even think of but I can see it from his point of view as I'm sure he is supposed to be the strong one who shows no emotion, as that's what is taught in the military.
And thanks, I'm trying to stay positive and hold it together. It's not easy but I am keeping the faith. I don't give up easily so unfortunately he will have to deal with me always being around when he needs me whether he likes it or not. ? Sometimes people come into our lives for a reason and that's how I feel about him.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Songbirdhero, please forgive me if I am way off here but I am reading these replies and constantly asking myself "why is she hanging on or not moving on?" I dunno. 3 weeks, no word. No replies...at all. If he isn't hospitalized, that's a shit thing to do to someone. What's keeping you hanging on or not moving on with your life? You can still keep the door open but be moving on with your life. If that makes any sense. You seem to have a lot of emotions here and I'm just wondering if there is something keeping you from moving on from him.

Again, forgive me if I am way off and totally ignore the questions if I am. Just kept coming up in my head as I followed along reading the thread and thought I would ask and throw it out there.

I agree with @Freida for sure! You are doing amazing on the fly like that!

 

[Songbirdhero]

@lostforgottensoul I don't know, am I supposed to just walk away and give up on someone bc they are going through something? I can't really help how I feel but I am going on with my life for sure. It is what it is. I just don't think this is something that'll be resolved in a few weeks....like everyone has said, this is something to deal with for life.
It's interesting some say to leave him his pace and others say, reach out every so often and it wouldn't bother them if it was them having someone check in. Everyone is different and without knowing each case and the relationship between 2 people I think it's hard to make the call on what is best. We are all human and do the best we can.

 

[Chris-duck]

this is something to deal with for life.

Yeah. Is it something you want for your life though? Do you have enough other stuff going on for him being gone to not be overwhelming? It's not so much giving up on someone cos they're going through a hard time as it is accepting that this is going to keep happening, and are you happy with that as your life? Not to discourage obv (hey, sufferer here), just it's better for you and him to know what you're able to, and want, to handle over it imploding in a mess when this becomes a pattern.

 

[Songbirdhero]

Yeah. Is it something you want for your life though? Do you have enough other stuff going on for him being gone to not be overwhelming? It's not so much giving up on someone cos they're going through a hard time as it is accepting that this is going to keep happening, and are you happy with that as your life? Not to discourage obv (hey, sufferer here), just it's better for you and him to know what you're able to, and want, to handle over it imploding in a mess when this becomes a pattern.

Maybe that's why he's not reaching back out. Maybe he doesn't want to involve me in it. I'm not sure. So once this happens it will always happen? That's what I don't understand. I thought with treatment it could be managed. Either way it's something to think about, I agree.

 

[Songbirdhero]

I'm taking a pause from this conversation. I need to take a break for a while and deal with my own life and figure out this situation on my own. I appreciate the input from everyone.

 

[Songbirdhero]

Turns out this guy wasn't who I thought he was at all. I had my reservations since the beginning but it's all clear as day now and unfortunately I question everything he's ever said to me, including having his PTSD triggered. Sadly it's another bad ending to something relating back to PTSD and I am just glad I got the closure I needed to move on. It's too bad that I see this happen all too often and some people just can't be honest. I'm way too nice and got taken advantage of and sadly he will move onto his next victim if he hasn't already.