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- #4,717
littleoc
VIP Member
Oof, no! First of all, no one said anything that would have made anyone go, “Oh, that was obviously a triggering statement.” It was something really specific and not anyone’s responsibility here at all. Second of all, it was a mix of responses to something particular that happened and the main human isn’t even on this site anymore. And I wouldn’t blame anyone anyway, I’m not here expecting y’all to be experts or I’d be paying you! Don’t worry about it at all!
And third of all, if it somehow was you, I’d hardly hold it against you. We’re all learning here. No worries :)
I even forgive my previous free therapist for encouraging it — it was hard to see because I was functional otherwise. It really wasn’t anyone’s fault, and now I know to look out for it. It’s all good ??
(And fourth of all, a lot of it was also just a bit circumstantial, so I my new therapist could be wrong about the trigger too.)
Thank you!!
Sort of! I’m doing my actual bedroom last because it’s actual STUFF and not AS much trash. We’re working on the first level of the house first, where my mom will be staying. We put her new bedroom right next to mine and I put our “sick and can’t talk bell” next to the bed. We also only used short tables that you can still reach if you fall on the floor (we tested it). And made sure there is room for a stretcher in case she needs to call 911 while I’m at work. I might train the cat to call (kidding, though I WILL try training the cat to not lay on my mom for a while).
We cleaned the cat room so the cat can be kicked out to somewhere fun if needed. And we now have a stove!! I uncovered the whole thing :) Scottie wants to work on uncovering the rest of the kitchen and the dining room next, as well as the rest of the living room so it’s comfortable to use. These are shared spaces but I consider it good for me too because I’ve really wanted a kitchen and a dining room this whole time anyway. :)
Also also having clean spaces means that I’ll be able to encourage my mom to use more than one room a day, which will help with exercise a bit.
Her upstairs room is going to late until the end of the cleaning project, I think. It’s August and it’s warm up there. Someone recovering from a heart attack shouldn’t be sleeping in that. They should be sleeping near me and the thermostat so that they don’t get trapped in the heat (or cold) if they’re feeling weak. Also, I laid in that bed up there and the stuff piled up by the bed was stressful to look at. After coming back from a hospital, she won’t need that. So, that actually gives me peace of mind.
We’ll clean the laundry room towards the end, too. I won’t be letting her do laundry by herself anyway. I may let her fold it if she wants, because it’ll probably help with strength and coordination. But she won’t be coming downstairs. I’ll have to ban her from feeding the cats.
Looks like she already couldn’t take the trash down from upstairs, and adding some procrastinating made it overwhelming.
But it’s pretty clear now that my brother was neglecting her while I was living away from here. She can’t take care of herself completely but she won’t agree that that’s true, so she’s didn’t ask for assistance when this happened.
And other stories.
There’s definitely still too much stuff, but it’s getting manageable. I’ll donate a lot and if my mom starts getting anxious about it, I’ll stop and hire a therapist so that we don’t argue about what happened ten years ago. Instead, the therapist (being a third party) will be able to figure out what’s going on NOW without any history between she and my mom.
I’m assuming I’ll be able to afford that therapist for hour-long sessions or so. She’s $60 an hour, so not terrible. Plus, since I’m the legal caretaker, I only partially need my mom’s approval to do that, lol (I won’t be a dick about it though)
I left my sister as the voice of her will (and other legal things) if something happens though. She’s the oldest child and the one with the most in common with her. A bit selfish and manipulative though but it’s not like my mom has a huge fortune or anything, haha. Mostly just stuff. And hopefully most of that stuff will go so that we can eventually move the f*ck out :)
