Poll Optimism

[Sideways]

Feel free to elaborate on your answer.

If you are often optimistic, does this come naturally, or are there specific things you do to generate optimism? If optimism is something you experience only some of the time, what influences that, and how does it impact your experience of ptsd?

If you struggle with the entire concept, how do you think optimism might improve your recovery?

Me personally? I’d say that optimism is a pretty foreign concept. I think I may have experienced it to a degree as a young child. I definitely think that my lack of optimism is tied to my depressed mood and struggles with elements of my recovery. But I’m not sure how they influence each other, or the degree to which I could retrain my brain to experience optimism more often.

I’m not sure whether optimism is a belief or feeling. I suspect it can be both. Either way, it’s something I would really like to be part of my daily lived experience.

 

[flowerapple]

I'd say I am a very pessimistic person, and I've always been like this, from childhood up until now. Optimism doesn't come naturally to me at all, although there are a few things that I can be optimistic about at times, like grades in school, but even that depends on the subject, the type of test, how well I studied,... really it comes down to the level of confidence I have about it. But even so, even if I feel optimistic about something like a test I did, if other people know that I did the test or have some interest in knowing how I did, that will turn the optimism into pessimism instantly. So even though there are a few instances where I can be optimistic, I would still say that I am rarely optimistic.

The way I see it is that to be optimistic is to set myself up for disappointment. It's all about the odds, and with me the odds tend to be against me more often than not.

I don't think that becoming/being optimistic will help my recovery. Actually I think the opposite. I think that in order for me to become optimistic, I need to be further along in my recovery. I feel my PTSD has had a hugely negative impact on my self-esteem and self-confidence and how I view myself and has caused a lot of self doubt, and that until I get further along in my recovery, where those those things can improve, I won't be able to say that I am an optimistic person.

 

[somerandomguy]

I've always been a negative person who expects the worst to happen. I'm trying to change to at least a more neutral viewpoint but it hasn't really been working.

 

[Friday]

I’m an optimistic pessimist. I believe everything is going to go to hell, but we’ll sort it. And might even have some fun.

 

[Sideways]

The way I see it is that to be optimistic is to set myself up for disappointment. It's all about the odds,

My years of CBT is challenging this statement internally almost on auto-pilot. Optimism seems to me to be about perspective, and the ‘odds are bad’ thing (which I totally relate to) I’m thinking is maybe just how I’m perceiving my situation, and the things that I notice and place importance on. Sort of like the opposite of gratitude journalling - an unconscious tally I keep of bad shit, with no balance for the good stuff?

I think that in order for me to become optimistic, I need to be further along in my recovery.

Right, so it’s a chicken and egg argument in some ways. And that’s where I’m wondering if the mindset itself can be changed. Seems to me that ‘better mental health’ would bring optimism along for the ride, but what if I could force that change, and perhaps get better mental health in the process. Thoughts, still a work in progress.

I'm trying to change to at least a more neutral viewpoint but it hasn't really been working.

More ‘neutral’ is definitely something I’m more comfortable with working on. Actively seeking out ‘optimism’ seems like too much of a stretch, like going straight from zero to hero, and skipping the mammoth area in between.

And of course, my trauma brain likes to insist that ‘optimism’ is simply ‘naivety’. But that’s distorted thinking. Having an optimistic frame of mind doesn’t necessarily equal irrational, or unaware of realistic threats.

I also think that being ‘optimistic’ doesn’t necessarily mean a person hasn’t had their share of bad shit happen.

@Friday - I expected absolutely nothing less!!!

 

[Gs172003]

Before I got this fun disorder a girl I worked with used to say " you always see the best in people, don't you?" as if it's a flaw. Now I don't do that. Now seeing the bad is set to default.

 

[jaccat]

No, but I don’t believe I’m a pessimist, I’m a cynic. Plan for/expect the worst and anything better is a bonus. Too many years of the worst thing happening for that to change.

I think, if I could believe in positive outcomes for my therapy, things might be easier. There are a couple of things my T insists will change, that I cannot hope for, and that lack of belief makes working on them harder.

 

[Friday]

you always see the best in people, don't you?" as if it's a flaw. Now I don't do that. Now seeing the bad is set to default.

The trick... IMO... is seeing that both are equally blind. In neither case are you seeing someone for who they are. Who you hope they are and who you’re afraid they are? Only tells you about you. Not them. It’s a common defense mechanism, but a very isolating one. In either direction. Similar to how trusting everyone and trusting no one? Does the exact same thing - no thinking required, no evaluations necessary, no risking being wrong... or right.

Most of the time? I really don’t have the energy to SEE people. To look at who they really are, much less make the series of judgement calls necessary to engage with them. If I want to be out and about in public it’s easier to just sort of whitewash everyone as basically the same unless they do something interesting. (Good or bad, something that makes them stand out). It’s taken some practice to use a neutral brush to paint them with, leaving them as unknown elements, instead of imagining I’d already seen, engaged, evaluated, and had a good read on their character by painting them as good or bad. But? Doing so has been a HUGE help. Both in saving finite resources for later use AND in connecting with people once I decide I want to, or in the moment when I need to, whether I have the energy or not. Because I’m not working against who I imagined them to be.

A friend of mine taught me that trick a loooong time ago, even though it took awhile to wrap my head around... so I try and pass it on here and there as I can.

 

[Gs172003]

The trick... IMO... is seeing that both are equally blind. In neither case are you seeing someone for who they are. Who you hope they are and who you’re afraid they are? Only tells you about you. Not them. It’s a common defense mechanism, but a very isolating one. In either direction. Similar to how trusting everyone and trusting no one? Does the exact same thing - no thinking required, no evaluations necessary, no risking being wrong... or right.

Most of the time? I really don’t have the energy to SEE people. To look at who they really are, much less make the series of judgement calls necessary to engage with them. If I want to be out and about in public it’s easier to just sort of whitewash everyone as basically the same unless they do something interesting. (Good or bad, something that makes them stand out). It’s taken some practice to use a neutral brush to paint them with, leaving them as unknown elements, instead of imagining I’d already seen, engaged, evaluated, and had a good read on their character by painting them as good or bad. But? Doing so has been a HUGE help. Both in saving finite resources for later use AND in connecting with people once I decide I want to, or in the moment when I need to, whether I have the energy or not. Because I’m not working against who I imagined them to be.

A friend of mine taught me that trick a loooong time ago, even though it took awhile to wrap my head around... so I try and pass it on here and there as I can.

How do you change it? I don't know how to just decide I'm going to think a different way and just do it.

 

[Friday]

How do you change it? I don't know how to just decide I'm going to think a different way and just do it.

Practice.

If I’ve decided someone is dangeous and/or untrustworthy and/or whatever AFTER having met/interacted with them? That’s fine. That’s a judgement call. It may be wrong, but at least I’ve gone to the effort of sizing them up.

If I think everyone is __________? That’s just my own imagination. That’s not them, that’s me.

So that’s what I would watch for, in myself. Have I made a judgement call or am I imagining things? If I realize I’ve just imagined it, then -when I had time- I would investigate. Actually meet the person. And practice forming judgments about them.

Flipping it around, also helped. Especially when I was in a crowded place. By virtue of the numbers any time you’re somewhere with 1,000 people in it? Most likely there is at least 1 representative from every “you suck” camp out there. (1 rapist, 1 child abuser, 1 fanatic, 1 murderer, 1 thief, 1 bully, 1 person who talks on their cellphone at the theatre, etc.). But that doesn’t mean that ALL 1,000 are rapists. Or child abusers. Or murderers. Etc. So something that was useful to me, when I caught myself just assigning “you suck” to the entire group? Was pretending 1 person from that group was doing the same thing I was. But actually walkkng up and saying so, instead of just thinking it to themselves. So I imagined someone storming up to me and accusing me of rape. (The f*ck??? No. You clearly don’t know me / have me confused with someone else.) Or even all 1,000 people walking and and accusing me of doing things I don’t do, or being something I’m not. (This can be done in reverse, too, with being thanked for saving the children from the burning orphanage, donating millions to cancer research, etc.) It doesn’t matter whether they’re imagining the worst or best about me... it’s still not me. They don’t know me. I’m not who they imagine me to be. Whether they’re scared of me, or adoring me. And? I don’t know them.

Shifting my blanket thoughts into neutral? Doesn’t erase the fact that there will still be individuals out there who suck, or who are awesome. It DOES, however, let me see them more clearly, because I’m judging people on a case by case basis. Rather than en masse.

***

This is just me, though. I would suggest maybe starting a thread on it, if changing core beliefs about people is something people want to thrash out & discuss?

 

[Gs172003]

Practice.

If I’ve decided someone is dangeous and/or untrustworthy and/or whatever AFTER having met/interacted with them? That’s fine. That’s a judgement call. It may be wrong, but at least I’ve gone to the effort of sizing them up.

If I think everyone is __________? That’s just my own imagination. That’s not them, that’s me.

So that’s what I would watch for, in myself. Have I made a judgement call or am I imagining things? If I realize I’ve just imagined it, then -when I had time- I would investigate. Actually meet the person. And practice forming judgments about them.

Flipping it around, also helped. Especially when I was in a crowded place. By virtue of the numbers any time you’re somewhere with 1,000 people in it? Most likely there is at least 1 representative from every “you suck” camp out there. (1 rapist, 1 child abuser, 1 fanatic, 1 murderer, 1 thief, 1 bully, 1 person who talks on their cellphone at the theatre, etc.). But that doesn’t mean that ALL 1,000 are rapists. Or child abusers. Or murderers. Etc. So something that was useful to me, when I caught myself just assigning “you suck” to the entire group? Was pretending 1 person from that group was doing the same thing I was. But actually walkkng up and saying so, instead of just thinking it to themselves. So I imagined someone storming up to me and accusing me of rape. (The f*ck??? No. You clearly don’t know me / have me confused with someone else.) Or even all 1,000 people walking and and accusing me of doing things I don’t do, or being something I’m not. (This can be done in reverse, too, with being thanked for saving the children from the burning orphanage, donating millions to cancer research, etc.) It doesn’t matter whether they’re imagining the worst or best about me... it’s still not me. They don’t know me. I’m not who they imagine me to be. Whether they’re scared of me, or adoring me. And? I don’t know them.

Shifting my blanket thoughts into neutral? Doesn’t erase the fact that there will still be individuals out there who suck, or who are awesome. It DOES, however, let me see them more clearly, because I’m judging people on a case by case basis. Rather than en masse.

I like the turning it around idea. I'll give it a try. Thanks.

 

[grit]

I would say I often feel optimistic BUT honestly I am also extremely happy to see when I am not just to know I am not drinking some serious koolaid.