Suicide - is there anything that can be said or done to help prevent it?

[Mee]

I am sorry for your loss. A student, possibly a young person. How very sad.

I too hate the comments and lack of understanding that is behind ‘selfishness’ in regards to suicide.
I think that perhaps people don’t want to reflect on their part in the person’s pain? Or what they might have done to relieve it.

My suicidal ideation keeps my husband very much in mind. It’s often focused around the idea that not only would I be out of suffering but he would be out of his vicarious suffering as my spouse. He is a man in his prime with a lot to offer a stable, functional woman. How much more could he have were he not tied by love and responsibility to me? Suicide often has seemed ( in my mind) like liberty for us both.


What can be done? I try to not be unkind to people. We quite literally do not know who is suffering and what Internet post or abrasive sneer might be the tipping point. It’s NEVER our fault , it would be nobody’s fault, not my rapists nor anyone else’s, if I committed suicide. But just lack of unpleasantness, the stress cup not overflowing meant, back when I was trying a lot, I didn’t plan that day.

 

[blackemerald1]

but he would be out of his vicarious suffering as my spouse. He is a man in his prime with a lot to offer a stable, functional woman. How much more could he have were he not tied by love and responsibility to me? Suicide often has seemed ( in my mind) like liberty for us both.

^Two points here - you would not be at liberty because you would be dead and that means you do nothing. Maybe that's what you mean not sure.

And as far as husband - you are mind reading.

He loves you, he wants you, he is not trapped in a relationship with you. He wants to be with you. If he really needed his liberty I'm sure he's heard of the word divorce. So he can actually have his liberty without you having to die.

After one of my very near successful attempts.. people abused me for trying. They had no understanding at all. It made me want to not ever have an attempt again. Next time no mistakes, no chance of being 'saved'.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Yes....you can always say the wrong thing to someone who is suicidal, but saying anything at all is worth it because you never know what one thing you might say will help.
The choice is theirs to make. Never believe it was part of your involvement. Always try. connect with the pain if you can, be honest, be vulnerable in how you feel. It helps them to see they can trust.....even if they don’t show it.

 

[Mee]

^Two points here - you would not be at liberty because you would be dead and that means you do nothing. Maybe that's what you mean not sure.

And as far as husband - you are mind reading.

He loves you, he wants you, he is not trapped in a relationship with you. He wants to be with you. If he really needed his liberty I'm sure he's heard of the word divorce. So he can actually have his liberty without you having to die.

After one of my very near successful attempts.. people abused me for trying. They had no understanding at all. It made me want to not ever have an attempt again. Next time no mistakes, no chance of being 'saved'.

Yes.. nothing feels like liberty to me. Even though I don’t think about killing my self now, being dead still feels like a positive over being alive ?

As to your points about my husband I agree. Less that I am mindreading, more that I am presuming what is better for him which is not my right to do.

 

[Mach123]

IDK about this. If you tell me and ask me not to disclose I have to end it there. I wouldn't "rat" anyone out but I'd be really unhappy and upset to be put in that position and I see it in a not very good light at all, the whole situation. I hope I never experience it again.

It's not that I don't want to help but I'm not qualified and you're not going to do that on my watch.

I have told a therapist and please don't lock me up. I was vulnerable at the time and probably should have been locked up and I did go in a detox for a week finally but that's not the same as a locked ward.

But I quit my job too. I stayed in there 5 days. Then I went to a shrink and had a real brush with suicide. Because the shrinks answer was pills and more pills.

I could easily have died and idk why I didn't but could anyone have done anything.

No, I really don't think so. If someone had, that might have made me desperate enough to do it.

They took action to save me from the shrink who was trying to kill me with pills, I remember they said that. I have some culpability in that though. I found out about the shrinks office in the detox because knowledge on the street was you could get benzoz there. Sounded good.

It sounds funny now (sorry) but we don't talk about that time ever.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Right after my beloved younger brother killed himself, my best friend said, "I'm just pissed off that he did it to you". He did it because he was in so much pain and despair he couldn't take it anymore. I know how he felt. I have tried many times. One time the police pinged my cell to find me since my ex wouldn't let me go. The point is, when I wanted to kill myself, the pain was so bad I couldn't see, or feel anything else. The ONLY solution in my mind was to end it so I could end the horrific suffering. I know my brother also felt this way. When he died, I was devastated. I still am. Since he died, I know now I have to live through any pain or suffering for my mother and son.

 

[Survivor3]

I haven't read all of the messages on this thread but it struck a chord in me because I've been there. In 2007 I tried to kill myself with a knife at my parents house. It was horrendous. My parents intervened and a fight broke out but they actually saved my life. Because I was suicidal I was in a violent state of mind. I still remember 'how it felt ' to be suicidal and believe me when I say that there is nothing 'cowadice' about it. It actually takes a perverse strength and determination that comes from terrible inner pain and turmoil. It was the worst part of my life. I just wanted to share. All the best to you. S3

 

[talon]

One of my students committed suicide this past week. We are all in shock as we thought she was so happy and grounded after so many years of turmoil.
What is bothering me the most is to hear people say that she is a coward and selfish for doing what she did and I’m over here saying f*ck that! Can you imagine the pain and the guts it took to make such a choice as ending her life? I just don’t understand how people can’t try to see things from another perspective but get so caught up in themselves and what they think or feel. I understand that when people grieve they can get angry as part of the process but it hurts me to hear them put blame onto someone who obviously was in so much pain. How can we do better? To those who have considered suicide, what can the people in your life say or do to support you? My best friend in high school also committed suicide and I’ve spent years trying to forgive myself for not seeing it coming. I know now that it had nothing to do with me but is there anything that can be said or done to help prevent it?

Suicide is about the feeling that being dead is better than living in pain . When you go to funerals and people say he or she is not suffering anymore we understand but when that suffering is invisible and often unknown or not even understood then it does not help the one suffering . Pain becomes beautiful when those of us who suffer show a brave and happy face to the world even though tortured within. Its good to talk is good advice but we also need someone to trust who is a good listener and not be judgmental

Right after my beloved younger brother killed himself, my best friend said, "I'm just pissed off that he did it to you". He did it because he was in so much pain and despair he couldn't take it anymore. I know how he felt. I have tried many times. One time the police pinged my cell to find me since my ex wouldn't let me go. The point is, when I wanted to kill myself, the pain was so bad I couldn't see, or feel anything else. The ONLY solution in my mind was to end it so I could end the horrific suffering. I know my brother also felt this way. When he died, I was devastated. I still am. Since he died, I know now I have to live through any pain or suffering for my mother and son.

Remember you are not alone . When i was studying counselling we had to share our experiences . I shared with a lady who had an older brother and a younger brother in his teens. The older brother in his 30's died following losing his fight with cancer and the younger brother took his life because he missed his older brother so much he no longer wanted to live. That left the sister and middle child with mixed emotions of anger and sadness that one brother took his life and the older brother lost his life . As life is precious she found it hard to cope . But through great courage she now helps others as a Samaritan .

 

[DharmaGirl]

Remember you are not alone .

Thank you. I also lost my older brother when he was 50 due to illness, so I have no siblings left.

 

[Friday]

Yes.. nothing feels like liberty to me. Even though I don’t think about killing my self now, being dead still feels like a positive over being alive ?

As to your points about my husband I agree. Less that I am mindreading, more that I am presuming what is better for him which is not my right to do.

You might find reading this thread enlightening

My husband died today

Especially from about p.7 onwards, past the condolences, once Medic starts sharing her story in real time over the next year or so. I very much doubt it’s what you imagine your husbands life to be like after you die.

 

[pamcoco]

This is poignant for me as the one year anniversary of my only attempt draws closer.

It is a complicated issue. But not as complicated as friends and family make it out to be. I’ve known several people that have taken their lives over the years. The rhetorical claim that they should have reached out is simply blaming and well, put blatantly, masturbation. People project their response to circumstance they have never experienced and assume these projections are factual. Then they hold others up to their false notions of superior coping skills.

What I know for sure and intimately is that they did reach out for help, again and again. The truth is no one wants to be around people that are debilitated to the point of suicide. They aren’t fun, they’re always misunderstood and the epitome in opposing our culture's insistence that we control our own experiences. I think there is something to that claim. People do control it, until they don’t.

I remember the day I crossed the line from one experience to the other.

While this is not the place to go in depth, I will just say that I firmly believe that in time it will be proven mental illness and physical illness are one in the same. The first time I contemplated suicide was after I had been bitten by an insect. The first time I gathered the means to commit suicide was 30 years, almost to the date, that the bacteria this insect carried, crossed the blood brain barrier. The concept that disease effects every organ, except the brain, is so silly I am left silent. But, aside from this aspect of suicide, simplicity is the rule.

"How are you?" Then listening to the response, works wonders. Seeking information outside of one’s comfort zone and experience, provides the knowledge to have compassion. Suicide is an area where suspending belief that anyone could be brought to such contemplation, given certain circumstances, is crucial and allows that compassion to be trusted.

Anyone.

 

[DharmaGirl]

The truth is no one wants to be around people that are debilitated to the point of suicide. They aren’t fun, they’re always misunderstood and the epitome in opposing our culture's insistence that we control our own experiences.

This is so true! My "best" friend told me she couldn't handle me any more while I was still in the hospital after an attempt. I totally agree with you. I didn't want her to handle me. I was not her responsibility, however I did want someone to listen, and not just treat me like an inconvenience.

, I will just say that I firmly believe that in time it will be proven mental illness and physical illness are one in the same.

Yep, the more they study, the more they find this is true. BiPolar disorder is physical. Strep throat can cause OCD. I totally agree with you again.