Relationship Did I do the right thing by breaking up with him?

[caligirl03]

My sufferer and I were in an argument when he told me he wanted to "smash my face into the pavement." I broke up with him right then and there as I feel like he just went way too far, even if he was just "talking out of anger." Did I overreact or make the right choice?

 

[Freida]

When someone makes threats of physical harm?
Walking away is the only option.

PTSD does NOT give us a pass to be abusive. Period.
He wants you back? He does the therapy he needs to get past his anger and then you decide if you will give him a second chance.

 

[LuckiLee]

You did the right thing. He needs a wake up call. He can't treat people any way he wants to. We all need consequences for our actions. Toddlers and adults alike.

Great job standing up for yourself!

If he won't walk away when he's symptomatic? You have to. I put up with alot of verbal crap through the years. Not anymore. One of us walks away until we're both calm. It's been working well.

 

[Ronin]

Soo well done, Cali Girl.

 

[Deanna]

It's good you saw the warning signs and left. I fear I would have smashed his face, into the pavement, first. Some people are just genuinely stupid. Don't go back... Even if he begs or offers you free Baskin-Robbins for a year.

 

[MrMoonlight]

sounds scary man, glad you protected yourself caligirl. It's such a specific and violent thing to say, smashing your face into the pavement. I think of stomping someone's teeth into the curb when I hear someone say that, just unthinkable violence...facial bone to cement.

 

[grit]

At minimum, you acknowledge your boundaries and stand up for yourself.
At maximum, you probably avoided/averted a bullet here. This was his way of checking how much you can put up with...most abusers do not start abusing, they check their waters first.

Good for you for recognizing this is not healthy or even good at any level.

 

[Ronin]

It's such a specific and violent thing to say

This bit.

And other in your other posts why I think anger alone is not really that dudes problem, or something that would get better.

 

[caligirl03]

This bit.

And other in your other posts why I think anger alone is not really that dudes problem, or something that would get better.

Curious as to what you mean by not thinking that anger alone is his issue...what else could it be?

Thank you all for your support. The cherry on top is he's now telling me I'm overreacting and that he didn't actually say that...? I'm just losing more respect for him by the minute.

 

[Sweetpea76]

You got out before threats became actions. That was safe and smart. Today he doesn’t remember what he said... tomorrow he wouldn’t remember putting his hands on you.

 

[MrMoonlight]

To me, it's kinda like saying "I want to saw your thumbs off" or "I want to crush your eye sockets with a wrench". It seems like more than passive anger, it feels like homicidal (or other adjective) anger/rage/violence that has been considered. IMO of course. I think your 'gut' served you really well this time around. And yeah him saying you are overreacting is saying it's all your fault, not taking responsibility...etc.

 

[grit]

I want to echo Mrmoonlight's comment. The "I was joking" I did not mean is classic gaslighting behaviour used by many people who could be quite dangerous. You can even see unfortunately the Pres of USA doing the same. Break the law and say I was just joking when I said that.
If he would acknowledge what he said and tried to deal with his as a mature person, perhaps, it was a joke that went too far or he really did not mean it. But the fact he is double downing you are crazy basically says more than the original offense...in my book.