Sufferer Anxious And Stubborn - Looking For People Who Understand Car Accident With Daughter.

[AngieG]

Hello, my name is Angie. I live in Central MN, I am married and we have a 13 year old daughter together.
I'm here because I have been diagnosed with PTSD from a car accident my daughter and I were in 6 years ago on Dec. 7th. I am really looking for people to talk to who have very similar circumstances.
We were coming back from shopping in town at 2 p.m, the roads were icy and there was a pickup quite a ways behind us. So I signaled left with plenty of notice, tapped the brake pedal just enough to make my brake lights come on to make sure they saw me. As we were turning left into our driveway he somehow t-boned us. We spun up over the curb several times about 30 ft down the road. When we came to a stop and I was able to realize what had happened I turned to make sure my 7 year old daughter was ok. She was laying on her side (buckled in the middle thankfully), hair covering her face with blood coming out of her mouth....unresponsive. At that moment there was no doubt in my mind she wasn't alive. All I could do was somehow figure out how to get to her. I was stuck between the steering wheel and my seat but managed to get out somehow. Fortunately she survived and came out with no serious injuries.
Every window in my Jeep blew out, the hatch door on back was gone except the windshield. The back door on the driver's side was pushed all the way up against her legs. How we both made it out safely is nothing short of a miracle.
I am now absolutely terrified of driving on bad winter roads. I worry more about her safety (in ANY circumstances) than I can handle. She could be playing outside and my brain will come up with the most ridiculous ways she could be seriously hurt or killed. It won't go away. I'm so afraid this is never going to go away. I just read the forecast this morning about a snowstorm that's moving in tomorrow night and all my bad anxiety came back full force after being on somewhat of a break over spring, summer and fall. I wake up on mornings when it has snowed overnight and have an instant panic attack. I have a hard time talking to people, I don't like people to try to give advice or help when they really have no idea what I'm going through. I'm very stubborn about listening to people (family, therapists, etc.) that just don't get it. That's why I'm here...It SO HARD. My brain tells me that I have seen my child dead, because I was so sure that's what had happened. That's makes the fear of losing her 100x greater and it cripples me somedays.
Thank you for taking the time to read, I really hope someone can relate and help!!!

 

[siniang]

Hello Angie,

welcome to the forums :) You will find you'll be understood, here.

I'm really sorry you had to go through something so horrible.

I have GAD in addition to PTSD and potential car accidents of loved once have been a MAJOR stressor in the past (and recurring theme in nightmares for a really really long time). I have no car accident trauma history that could possibly have caused this reactivity.

Earlier this year, my husband and I were in a car accdient. T-bone...we were the ones running into the other car, because he pulled out in front of us ignoring our right of way - there was no chance to stop. The impact was much harder than expected (though nothing compared to what you described) and for a fraction of a second I truly did believe my husband had died. He wasn't unconscious or anything (not even hurt except a bruised knee), but for that fraction between impact and him responding, saying he's ok, I was convinced he had died. It completely sent me into shock and certainly didn't help with my already existing fear towards car accidents, it just made it so much worth. I trust him -- he's a good driver. But I don't trust those other drivers on the road. Not for one second. Every day he's commuting, I'm having a really hard time not going down the panic road. I expect something to happen every single time, aka twice a day, 4-6 days a week, every week. And people around me don't get it.

What I'm trying to say, although I don't have car accident related PTSD - I get it. I really get your fears and thoughts surrounding this topic. I live it almost daily. This fear is debilitating.

Oh and I do know that stubborn part :):hug:

 

[AngieG]

Hello Angie,

welcome to the forums :) You will find you'll be understood, here.

I'm really sorry you had to go through something so horrible.

I have GAD in addition to PTSD and potential car accidents of loved once have been a MAJOR stressor in the past (and recurring theme in nightmares for a really really long time). I have no car accident trauma history that could possibly have caused this reactivity.

Earlier this year, my husband and I were in a car accdient. T-bone...we were the ones running into the other car, because he pulled out in front of us ignoring our right of way - there was no chance to stop. The impact was much harder than expected (though nothing compared to what you described) and for a fraction of a second I truly did believe my husband had died. He wasn't unconscious or anything (not even hurt except a bruised knee), but for that fraction between impact and him responding, saying he's ok, I was convinced he had died. It completely sent me into shock and certainly didn't help with my already existing fear towards car accidents, it just made it so much worth. I trust him -- he's a good driver. But I don't trust those other drivers on the road. Not for one second. Every day he's commuting, I'm having a really hard time not going down the panic road. I expect something to happen every single time, aka twice a day, 4-6 days a week, every week. And people around me don't get it.

What I'm trying to say, although I don't have car accident related PTSD - I get it. I really get your fears and thoughts surrounding this topic. I live it almost daily. This fear is debilitating.

Oh and I do know that stubborn part :):hug:

Hi, thank you for your response. It's actually the perfect response I was hoping for, you understand yet you're not telling me what I need to do. I'm so sorry you had to experience something you were already so scared of, that's awful. I'm glad you're both ok. So can I ask what steps you try to take to help?

 

[grit]

I am really sorry you have had this experience. It is terrifying and extremely unbearable memory and I can only imagine how that may play out in your head over and over.

I hope you are in therapy. I know you do not want to hear what to do and trust me no one can tell you what to do. But it is also hard to imagine you had this experience and so did your daughter and crippling it may be for both of you. I can only imagine she has her own story about it as well but I truly hope you get help therapeutically so you are not forever carrying on this one incident and miss out the present life with your daughter.

If you are in therapy and you are getting help, I wish you a speedy recovery and it could be you are in this condition now because it is kind of close to the anniversary.

PS. If you are interested (and you have not already found out) Peter Levine had car accident experience in which propel him to do a lot of research in how to combat PTSD. You may find it helpful.

 

[siniang]

you're not telling me what I need to do.

So can I ask what steps you try to take to help?

I can't tell you anything because I don't have any solutions myself.

Grounding helps little - if anything, I often feel it makes it worse (the whole "the more I try to control irrationality, the worse it gets" part of anxiety)

I'm having therapy every couple weeks -- but we haven't really worked on this. One of the things T keeps trying with me is the "how often has xzy -- that I'm afraid of or freakig out over etc. -- happened?" Which...isn't helpful. Because it freaking DID happen. It keeps happening in my circles (someone where I work lost wife and son in a freak accident with a drunk driver this summer). So the whole rationalizing and putting in statistical context approach? Yeah. Not working.

You could try EMDR over this? It seems to be very helpful for a lot of people.

My go-to is distraction distraction distraction -- which in the grand scheme, isn't exactly healthy and not always working when freaking out acutely. Helps with the lingering fear, though.

and it could be you are in this condition now because it is kind of close to the anniversary.

And this. Body memories are a thing. Trauma anniversary periods are a thing.

Also...if people around you are flippant about your reactivity, have them do homework and read up on PTSD and anxiety. This is the least they could do.

 

[AngieG]

I am really sorry you have had this experience. It is terrifying and extremely unbearable memory and I can only imagine how that may play out in your head over and over.

I hope you are in therapy. I know you do not want to hear what to do and trust me no one can tell you what to do. But it is also hard to imagine you had this experience and so did your daughter and crippling it may be for both of you. I can only imagine she has her own story about it as well but I truly hope you get help therapeutically so you are not forever carrying on this one incident and miss out the present life with your daughter.

If you are in therapy and you are getting help, I wish you a speedy recovery and it could be you are in this condition now because it is kind of close to the anniversary.

PS. If you are interested (and you have not already found out) Peter Levine had car accident experience in which propel him to do a lot of research in how to combat PTSD. You may find it helpful.

Thank you so much. I started therapy last winter and then didn't go all summer and fall. I just made an appt with a different therapist in a few weeks. I have to learn how to let people help me I think before we're going to get anywhere. I'm so closed off to therapists....I know they're there to help and they're trained well. I just don't like someone trying to help when they REALLY don't understand the situation, you know?
My daughter doesn't talk about it much. She doesn't remember a lot, yet when I do ask her anything she cries. She may need therapy too? Idk, I feel like it's such a long road before I get anywhere and I'm hoping to find even a tiny bit of relief soon! Thank you so much ?

 

[AngieG]

I can't tell you anything because I don't have any solutions myself.

Grounding helps little - if anything, I often feel it makes it worse (the whole "the more I try to control irrationality, the worse it gets" part of anxiety)

I'm having therapy every couple weeks -- but we haven't really worked on this. One of the things T keeps trying with me is the "how often has xzy -- that I'm afraid of or freakig out over etc. -- happened?" Which...isn't helpful. Because it freaking DID happen. It keeps happening in my circles (someone where I work lost wife and son in a freak accident with a drunk driver this summer). So the whole rationalizing and putting in statistical context approach? Yeah. Not working.

You could try EMDR over this? It seems to be very helpful for a lot of people.

My go-to is distraction distraction distraction -- which in the grand scheme, isn't exactly healthy and not always working when freaking out acutely. Helps with the lingering fear, though.



And this. Body memories are a thing. Trauma anniversary periods are a thing.

Also...if people around you are flippant about your reactivity, have them do homework and read up on PTSD and anxiety. This is the least they could do.

I Absolutely agree. It happened. And it keeps happening over and over and over again every single day for the last 6 years. I don't understand their logic in some of the questions I'm asked and that's when I get mad and don't want to talk anymore. We did try EMDR, not so sure that's for me, but the concept is a good one and I understand how it can possibly help people. Again, I just need to learn to be open but I need to find someone who knows how to get me to that point. So hard!

 

[Guitargirl]

I had EMDR but combined that with medication from my GP and hypnotherapy. Hi everyone - hope we are all hanging in there. PTSD is a life changer. It can be a life ruined if you let it. You need to keep trying treatments til you find one that works for you. I had CBT but found that made me feel worse.