Have you ever wondered if those who abused you suffered any impact from it in their own lives?

[DharmaGirl]

This will sound stupid to most, but wishing bad Karma on others makes bad karma for you. It's best to let it go, if there is nothing you can do as far as the law goes, and work on healing yourself and finding the amazing good inside you. I don't worry at all about others Karma, that's their problem. My Karma is more important to me. Maybe it took me longer to heal, since I knew my abusers came from abusive situations, and it was hard for me to hate someone who had been treated like me and didn't know better, or were lower functioning. I really didn't want to hate, since I would be the only one suffering from that hate. They wouldn't know or care.

 

[Friday]

I really didn't want to hate, since I would be the only one suffering from that hate. They wouldn't know or care.

Indifference is liberating in a way I can never fully give justice to. A breath of fresh air and energy freed up to put to good use / renewed purpose / my own desire / my own life / people worth my attention and effort.

If all my energy is wrapped up, or even just bleeding/draining, into hating someone? I’d better not have anything better, or anyone better, to spend it on. The sheer degree that I hate myself for shorting people who deserve my attention, and missing out on my own life? Is equally indescribable. Rather dig 2 graves & get it done, or drop them like a hot coal and get on with my life.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Let your self-hatred go too, @Friday, you have more than worked off any debt you owe by being here. You are a level head and are able to explain things in a way I can understand. You have helped so many. You deserve to love you.

 

[Sideways]

My abuser thoroughly enjoyed what he did to me as best I can tell.

What life does or doesn't dish out to him - he won't stop unless forced or dead, and even then, likely he feels he was entitled to what he was doing in his own twisted logic.

One guy who raped me, as a completely seperate incident to my primary abuse, ended up moving to Canada, marrying a beautiful woman and having kids. Oddly, it was at that point I think I decided I wouldn't take my evidence to the police and have him charged. And not just because he had kids relying on him.

Because, as best I could tell from the safety of online, he'd found happiness. Maybe it was all very superficial and he's miserable, idk. But he seemed to have found happiness in my mind at least.

He certainly wasn't a happy person living his 'best life' when he raped me. He was a drug addicted serial womaniser living in a shitty house with a shitty job and a bunch of reeeeally shitty 'friends'.

Which is probably why he went where he did with me. Because he was living a shit life.

And, if he's now happy? With a life that has deeper meaning to it than how many chicks he's shagged and when his next hit will be? Then that feels...good. Because if anything is going to make him a better person than he was when I crossed paths with him, happiness and a life with meaning should do it.

So, in an odd sort of way (and probably because it was a minor hiccup in my shitty life and not what gave my this dreadful illness), him getting a happy life, rather than his 'just desserts', helped me let it go.

 

[mumstheword]

I've had two main abusers and many other's who predated on me as a vulnerable depressed and demoralized autistic teen and some bully children and sexually abusive children, as a child, oh and male partner's of my mother who terrorized and assaulted myself and my mother.

I can't hope for "justice" on my main abusers, because I'm related to them. I sincerely wish they were happy and healthy, it would be the best all round.

I doubt that will.happen though, as they are definitely disorded personalities, and are in so much internal, disabling, distortion and desperately trying to avoid accountability and responsibility.
They will probably die, lonely and afraid, and that doesn't make me happy, it makes me sad.

Justice is about me. About me triumphing over adversity and developing wisdom and "post traumatic growth", about me being able to help arm my children against further predation and abuse, because having a dad who is as narcissistic as theirs? Needs a strong, boundaried, resiliant, psychologically cluey and responsive, responsible mum.

Justice is about acting to prevent further harm, it's NOT about vengence or revenge, in my opinion.

Their father has been hideous to me and damaging to our children, but wanting him to hurt or getting the law to have him incarcerated? Only adds more hurt to his and my own offspring, which is the opposite of justice. If he does get hit by the law, I won't be sad, but, our children, are my concern, over and above his "just desserts".

All I need to do is give him enough rope, and he does a great job hanging himself, so to speak.

All of the other "abusers"? I don't bother giving them the time of day, in my mind, it's nothing to do with me.

I wouldn't even recognise them, most of them, they are like wild animals to me, I, unfortunately, got trapped in their cage, with them, and they savaged me.

Best learn not to be anywhere where wild animals frequent, and I know that, now I'm grown. I was, just, simply, too vulnerable to protect myself, as a young person, nor did I have any protectors.

Finally, now, I have someone who has my back (me) and other's who support and care for me.

 

[IAHC]

This might be weird so feel free to ignore it if you’re not religious. But I’ve heard a theory about hell that after we die God shows us the pain that we’ve caused others. So for those who’ve hurt you and have hurt me, they would have to go through all of the pain that the put us through to understand their actions. Not like a fire and brimstone thing but just accountability. I don’t know if that’s helpful but if I ever feel caught up in the unfairness of it all, it’s a comforting thought to imagine that person having to face my pain at the end of his life.

 

[whiteraven]

In my particular case, asking that question - how it may have affected those who abused me - has been enormously helpful. It helps me see them as people and not monsters. I hate, in some respects, that they are/were people, because it's much easier to hate and fear monsters.

Seeing them as people creates a whole new set of problems, but that's for another day.

 

[user27357]

I guess I always assumed they did because I have always felt sorry for them. They would probably think (or act as if ) that was laughable, me feeling pity for them, but to live a life with no understanding of the world around them except the one painted by the brain-damaged (for real, head trauma) founder of their church in the 1880's has to be a life of confusion and self-doubt. I don't believe in hell, but they did, so I guess if there is a hell it waits for them, not me.

 

[Gs172003]

In my particular case, asking that question - how it may have affected those who abused me - has been enormously helpful. It helps me see them as people and not monsters. I hate, in some respects, that they are/were people, because it's much easier to hate and fear monsters.

Seeing them as people creates a whole new set of problems, but that's for another day.

Im struggling with this too

 

[Firefly]

In the course of revisiting and working through my childhood trauma which I am still reprocessing as some new stuff has emerged, I was pondering an impossible question:

If the teenagers who abused me in the ways each one did, where I was their partner without reciprocating back, did this in any way quite possibly have any impact on them and their adult life?

It's possible that Karma likely will if that already hasn't taken care of this on some level.

Thoughts are always welcome!

I take pleasure in wishing pain and suffering on those who have hurt me or my family. I pray to God and specifically ask him to inflict ill will on those who hurt me. This gives me happiness. ?
Years ago, I asked a therapist more or less the same question that the OP asked here. Her answer was that some bad people have regret and that others never feel an ounce of guilt.

 

[Kamorth]

I've spent way too much time thinking about this question. I have ended up pitying my grandfather. After he died, when we were sorting and storing his things, we found journals he had kept since WWII. In them he talked about asking for help for his bad thoughts, asking my grandmother to not let the kids run around naked around him, begging to be allowed to see a psychiatrist... And getting it all shut down because she didn't want to be married to a man who felt the need to talk about his feelings, being told he just needed to go to confession and get over himself. His life sounds utterly miserable. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it doesn't make me feel better about any of it either. Nobody deserves what he went through any more than I deserved what he put me through.

She, on the other hand, is the spawn of Satan and I am thoroughly enjoying watching her carefully manipulated family abandon her in her old age. She's had them all at each other's throats for 6 decades just so that she could control their lives and I don't care if it makes me a bad person, she deserves to have them all see her for what she really is before she dies alone and unloved. That's the bed she made and she can't blame anyone except herself no matter how hard she tries. The fact that she went missing in the outback for 2 months and then showed up angry that no one had tried to find her or even reported her missing to the police was the funniest piece of news I've gotten since I left.

 

[Deanna]

When I was younger, I just knew they would eventually die, one by one. Not all was sexual abuse.. But a lot of beating. I still can't forgive my real father for all the beatings.. But it's more about holding him responsible. My mother use to beat the sh#t out of us too.. I don't have any communication with her