Friend who doesn’t understand trauma, called the police on me...

[MlleD]

She's a normee ( normal) of-course she doesn't get it. At least your honest in the last part of your post ( which is good) I have one real friend and she would be here in a minute for me.. But I don't expect her to understand PTSD. PTSD is understood by/ with PTSD.

I see why you're upset about her calling the police on u. It just shows more divisions on your relationship.

Sorry, this happened to you

Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate it.

 

[Deanna]

Thank you for your kindness

I edited my last post before you replied. It just said you scared her. We are used to being far left or right of the middle.. But people don't get PTSD and it usually comes a a threat ( look at the news) Not all of us are a threat.

 

[Chris-duck]

Yes, I have a therapist who is trauma informed. I see her regularly.

Discuss it with her and see if she has thoughts?

 

[MlleD]

Twenty darn years of loyalty sure don't sound superficial to me.

Or that she is superficial. She is willing to get you help when you can't stand yourself. When you're at your bad. When you drink to drown all of your life out.

Not many people do that. The superficial drinking & good times buddies would bail by the moment you first get incoherent and the not caring shallow friends would go by the time you go for a drink...

Not stick right by your side.

And, being there for each other with new kids? Yeah, one of the toughest times a person can be there for. Not leaving each other right then means a lot of care.

You're firing into your own lines here.
Betrayed about other people in your life, taking it out on her, for a right and caring call.

What? You are now telling me that I drink to drown my life out? I don’t really understand that kind of accusation.

 

[MlleD]

Discuss it with her and see if she has thoughts?

I have talked with my therapist about it. I will brainstorm some ideas with her guidance about how to develop a plan that I can share with loved ones that honors the relationship and all involved.

 

[Deanna]

I have talked with my therapist about it. I will brainstorm some ideas with her guidance about how to develop a plan that I can share with loved ones that honors the relationship and all involved.

I guess your stuck with your newbie PTSDer's. Having PTSD sucks... Sometimes. Its good to write about your feelings here. ( I need to remember that) Bottom line is we scare people. ( look at the news) but we are not all like that. Some of us believe in therapy and good times, man! Give your friend a break but you were listening to her trivial, petty, everyday responses. I hear it too.. But lucky enough.. Not so much. My friends ( big number 2) are real with their emotions. One is PTSD

 

[Ronin]

It wasn't an accusation at all.

Just reacting to your very own words; that you were drinking while not suicidal, but having a hard time.

And your perception of cops called on you because a threat may be what is spinning you out.

You don't know the cops thought that.
For all I know they more likely saw another citizen they might help out the day, that is all.

They weren't called to a crime nor reacting as if one is taking place.

If they thought you are a threat? Woulda acted veery different.

 

[MlleD]

It wasn't an accusation at all.

Just reacting to your very own words; that you were drinking while not suicidal, but having a hard time.

And your perception of cops called on you because a threat may be what is spinning you out.

You don't know the cops thought that.
For all I know they more likely saw another citizen they might help out the day, that is all.

They weren't called to a crime nor reacting as if one is taking place.

If they thought you are a threat? Woulda acted veery different.

Just reacting is right!!!!

At no point did I say that I am a huge drinker. I provided an honest context (from that night) that I had two glasses of wine when my friend called. If anything, it is my friend that is all about drinking and I was the one that was there for HER when she had little kids. You said that I was drowning out my sorrows by drinking. That was really not accurate or constructive.

I have to tell you that I haven’t posted on the forum for a long time. I regret doing so when I get that kind of response. I am a human being trying to understand my trauma and the pain. I am trying to understand things and being vulnerable. That takes strength and I really don’t appreciate being accused of something like that. This should be a safe place. Not a shaming place.

 

[joeylittle]

@MlleD - your therapist will probably be able to help a great deal with working out how to let people (of your choosing) know what's really going on, and also how to lay down some workable safety strategies for you. Definitely bring it up.

My ability to sit and listen to her go on and on about shit that is so trivial compared to what I am going through is gone. I just can’t do the one-sided relationships that I always have done in the past when I am in the midst of profound suffering.

This is understandable.

She knows that I have been suffering but I don’t think she gets it.

She could be a good person to try out having a talk with, giving her more information, and see how it goes. Not so much how it goes for her - but how it goes for you.

There's just a big distance between knowing someone is struggling, and actually hearing directly from them what their diagnosis is, what it means, how it affects them....and most importantly, what helps and what doesn't. So even if this woman isn't the right person to open up to in that way - thinking about who you want to let into your circle, and making sure they understand how THEY can help you - and, what their options are if they find themselves talking to you when you're really, really low - all this will help make sure you don't have a repeat of the situation like the one you just experienced.

 

[joeylittle]

I will brainstorm some ideas with her guidance about how to develop a plan that I can share with loved ones that honors the relationship and all involved.

This is great.

 

[Ronin]

Just reacting is right!!!!

At no point did I say that I am a huge drinker. I provided an honest context (from that night) that I had two glasses of wine when my friend called. If anything, it is my friend that is all about drinking and I was the one that was there for HER when she had little kids. You said that I was drowning out my sorrows by drinking. That was really not accurate.

See, and those post exchanges are a rather good demonstration to how communication is complicated :D

Even with the best of intentions, and with some same baseline (like a large number of people on this site having very direct, intimate understanding of trauma.)

You are reading tone & intent, like shaming, into posts of not just me... where no such inferrence necessary or intended.

If you say you were drinking and in a bad shape, people can make differing image, based on what they lived.

Where what you mean is a few glasses of wine and wanting to talk to someone about it.

Your friend migh have had the same communication issue... not seeing you just want to chat a bit, get it out, have her listen, and move on.

She mighta think of all she connects with drinking and sadness, what she knows of suicide, and reacted based on that.. while still having your best interests at heart.

 

[Deanna]

I still can see why you are at odds with it. I would think 20 years of knowing someone would count for something... But obviously not. Either mend the relationship by assauging her fears or present yourself as very grateful for her actions is all I can say ( not knowing her)