My Sister and Me

[Changing4Best]

She didn't call, so I called, hoping she'd be home and available. I explained that I am under quarantine for two weeks. I got the test for Covid symptoms, but it might be allergies or a sinus infection. I have been trying to get in touch with my Dr. all day. No luck. Ah well, now since I've been tested, I really don't need to talk to her.

 

[ladee]

You just THOUGHT you needed to talk to her. You took action to find out if you have COVID and are self quarantining. You did fine without her.

 

[Changing4Best]

You just THOUGHT you needed to talk to her. You took action to find out if you have COVID and are self quarantining. You did fine without her.

She's an RN, so I wanted to see what she would advise. She told me to drink lots of fluids. So, yes I knew that, but I wasn't really drinking enough. I'm forgetful. So, in a small way, she helped.

 

[Changing4Best]

One thing I was thinking, my sister was always very shy when we were kids. This came up today, because she called her son and told him about me possibly having Covid. He texted me and asked how I am doing. She would have just called me, but being shy, I think is her reluctance to call me. She is far more familiar with her son than I, so that's what's been going on I think. She waits for Me to call. Rather than deal with her shyness. This is just a guess, but rings pretty spot on I think, now that I think it over.

 

[TruthSeeker]

We cross-posted. I want to ask how you feel forgiving her will change the dynamics of the relationship. And are you prepared for, even after forgiveness, to still be hurt by her? Just asking. I became indifferent to my sister. She did some really horrible things to me that shaped the person I was for a long time. It was deliberate. Indifference is it's own balm for the soul sometimes.

My family used indifference to hurt me....to oust me.....I didn't fit in. I don't think that achieves anything because it's intent isn't to just disconnect....it can be used to hurt back..................just a different perspective.

 

[Changing4Best]

My family used indifference to hurt me....to oust me.....I didn't fit in. I don't think that achieves anything because it's intent isn't to just disconnect....it can be used to hurt back..................just a different perspective.

Well, another thing I thought of is that my sister may be jealous of my relationship with her daughter. Whereas she and I talk once a month, I'm just about in touch with my niece every few days. There's a special bond between us that my sister could never achieve with either of us.

 

[ladee]

@TruthSeeker I am so sorry that indifference was used to hurt you and make you feel you were not valued. You are right, it can be used to hurt.

Sadly for both my sister and me, she could have cared less how I felt about anything. I worked on indifference "toward her opinion of me" to keep myself from continuing to BE hurt by her. I had to stop volunteering to be her victim.

Again, I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of indifference. I was constantly told by her how worthLESS I was. So I had to figure out a way to not be hurt by her. That is what worked for me because I did not want to hate her. I hope this made sense.

 

[Changing4Best]

My family used indifference to hurt me....to oust me.....I didn't fit in. I don't think that achieves anything because it's intent isn't to just disconnect....it can be used to hurt back..................just a different perspective.

indifference is hurtful, I agree. In a way this could be indifference from my sister. What an awful thing to have to deal with for a whole life. I feel for you @TruthSeeker

 

[Mach123]

This I think is pretty easy. Do I want to feel good or bad about this? Going in I know I’m going to get hurt meaning this relationship is not balanced in a way I would prefer.

Therefore I have a choice. Even after I make the choice I can still get hurt because no defense is perfect. But if I’m going in, I’m going all in.

You want to talk to another person, don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed or rather, expect the worst and then take what you get. The people closest to you have the capacity to hurt you the most.

But I know the longing and I’m not being heartless. It’s just we get mixed up. The love (unconditional) has to come from us and be extended TO the other person, then you can’t be hurt.

I was thinking about calling my sister lol. My wife laughs at me because I always say after “why do I do it”?

 

[Changing4Best]

This I think is pretty easy. Do I want to feel good or bad about this? Going in I know I’m going to get hurt meaning this relationship is not balanced in a way I would prefer.

Therefore I have a choice. Even after I make the choice I can still get hurt because no defense is perfect. But if I’m going in, I’m going all in.

You want to talk to another person, don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed or rather, expect the worst and then take what you get. The people closest to you have the capacity to hurt you the most.

But I know the longing and I’m not being heartless. It’s just we get mixed up. The love (unconditional) has to come from us and be extended TO the other person, then you can’t be hurt.

I was thinking about calling my sister lol. My wife laughs at me because I always say after “why do I do it”?

I guess that's just life. Sometimes when I call her, I lose and sometimes I win. To win, we need to have a pleasant conversation. If I lose, we don't, like she cuts off the conversation too soon. She does that quite often, like she's too busy with more important stuff to be bothered with than me. I have to find a better way to look at this. It could all just have to do with her. She suffers from depression a lot, so that can cause a person to not want to talk with anyone!

 

[Mach123]

I love the way you said it, and I hate that it’s like this with almost all my relationships because, I remember trying to do this with my dad when I was a teen. It was truly awful because I was so young and trying to “get” these people and I’d be walking home and I was so depressed and I would think, I won’t let him get to me no matter what, and I’d be shouting in like 3 minutes. I was SO depressed. I hope you feel better! I’m sorry your family is like mine : (.

 

[Changing4Best]

I love the way you said it, and I hate that it’s like this with almost all my relationships because, I remember trying to do this with my dad when I was a teen. It was truly awful because I was so young and trying to “get” these people and I’d be walking home and I was so depressed and I would think, I won’t let him get to me no matter what, and I’d be shouting in like 3 minutes. I was SO depressed. I hope you feel better! I’m sorry your family is like mine : (.

I'm sorry too that your family is like mine. My sister says insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids. I say it is a generational thing, both ways. There's no way to come from a dysfunctional family and not have it, I think. Years of therapy don't completely solve it, just make it a bit easier to deal with.