bellbird
MyPTSD Pro
How do you relearn to trust and take someone's word for what it is, rather than a trap?
The situation:
I'm currently having bad nightmares (the word 'currently' is probably redundant because I almost always have them).
[Side note: my team and I are working on trauma root & nightmares through therapy and meds].
Not many people IRL know about my PTSD, but two people close to me who do have told me that I can wake them up if I have a bad nightmare and need someone to be there.
The catch:
During my abusive relationship, waking him up was one of the most forbidden things.
Example:
He used to sleep a lot during the day, but he had this high qual eye mask which he showed/told me about in the beginning -- how I could turn the light on in the room and he wouldn't even notice because of the way the mask contoured his face. He told me that I could do that and that it would be ok.
Well, one day when he was sleeping, mask on, and I wasn't able to leave the room (fear of waking him with the sound of the door), I decided to turn the light on because I didn't want to lay there in a dim room (I spent plenty of time doing that while drugged and I guess on this occasion I wasn't drugged), and he'd told me that with the mask on, lights on were fine.
Long story short, it was a bad bad idea. Because even though he had said those things, they were clearly just a trap for another reason for me to get in trouble.
So, now I am stuck with a situation where it would be really nice to be able to take people at their word, so that I didn't have to be alone after a nightmare, but I am really f*cking terrified at the thought. And I am not really sure how to proceed.
People want to help me, but I can't let them. It doesn't feel very nice.
The situation:
I'm currently having bad nightmares (the word 'currently' is probably redundant because I almost always have them).
[Side note: my team and I are working on trauma root & nightmares through therapy and meds].
Not many people IRL know about my PTSD, but two people close to me who do have told me that I can wake them up if I have a bad nightmare and need someone to be there.
The catch:
During my abusive relationship, waking him up was one of the most forbidden things.
Example:
He used to sleep a lot during the day, but he had this high qual eye mask which he showed/told me about in the beginning -- how I could turn the light on in the room and he wouldn't even notice because of the way the mask contoured his face. He told me that I could do that and that it would be ok.
Well, one day when he was sleeping, mask on, and I wasn't able to leave the room (fear of waking him with the sound of the door), I decided to turn the light on because I didn't want to lay there in a dim room (I spent plenty of time doing that while drugged and I guess on this occasion I wasn't drugged), and he'd told me that with the mask on, lights on were fine.
Long story short, it was a bad bad idea. Because even though he had said those things, they were clearly just a trap for another reason for me to get in trouble.
So, now I am stuck with a situation where it would be really nice to be able to take people at their word, so that I didn't have to be alone after a nightmare, but I am really f*cking terrified at the thought. And I am not really sure how to proceed.
People want to help me, but I can't let them. It doesn't feel very nice.