My brain keeps flipping between "maximizing" and "minimizing" childhood experiences.
I grew up with a sister 7 years older than me who had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and parents who did not (could not?) acknowledge what as going on.
I was terrified of her. She was kind, and buying me things one minute and then screaming at me, swearing, belittling me and threatening to kill me the next. I know that it is silly, but I believed her.
My parents made her watch me and my sister over the summer when I was 3, my other sister was 8 and she was 10.
She resented having to watch me, so she and my other sister would play a game with me. They would sit me in a chair in the middle of the living room and tie me up with skipping ropes and scarves. Then they would just leave me alone and then go play outside. I know this happened frequently because I liked playing this "game" and got pretty good at getting out of it. It They would just keep putting me back in and try to tie the ropes tighter.
Through therapy, I realized that my mind protected me so that I saw it as something fun. Through EMDR work I realized how sad, confused and abandoned I felt. I was also able rescue little me and let her know that she is no longer alone.
Some days I think that was pretty awful. Other days It wasn't that big of a deal. So why did I burst into tears writing this? Is this normal sibling stuff that I am making a big deal out of?
Throughout the years, my sister pushed me, slapped me and frequently told me that I was never going to be anything.
Aside from one time ripping a chunk of my hair out, she never really hurt me.
I feel like it doesn't add up. I don't know why I have always felt so traumatized from her. Why I hate her. At 16 I tried to down a handful of tylenol (I spat some of it out because I could not swallow it all) because I was afraid to be left alone with her for the weekend and my parents wouldn't let me go anywhere else.
Maybe I am just attention seeking, or that "spoiled little princess brat" that my sisters think I am. If I need to fix my flaws , then I am certainly willing to work on that.
I grew up with a sister 7 years older than me who had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and parents who did not (could not?) acknowledge what as going on.
I was terrified of her. She was kind, and buying me things one minute and then screaming at me, swearing, belittling me and threatening to kill me the next. I know that it is silly, but I believed her.
My parents made her watch me and my sister over the summer when I was 3, my other sister was 8 and she was 10.
She resented having to watch me, so she and my other sister would play a game with me. They would sit me in a chair in the middle of the living room and tie me up with skipping ropes and scarves. Then they would just leave me alone and then go play outside. I know this happened frequently because I liked playing this "game" and got pretty good at getting out of it. It They would just keep putting me back in and try to tie the ropes tighter.
Through therapy, I realized that my mind protected me so that I saw it as something fun. Through EMDR work I realized how sad, confused and abandoned I felt. I was also able rescue little me and let her know that she is no longer alone.
Some days I think that was pretty awful. Other days It wasn't that big of a deal. So why did I burst into tears writing this? Is this normal sibling stuff that I am making a big deal out of?
Throughout the years, my sister pushed me, slapped me and frequently told me that I was never going to be anything.
Aside from one time ripping a chunk of my hair out, she never really hurt me.
I feel like it doesn't add up. I don't know why I have always felt so traumatized from her. Why I hate her. At 16 I tried to down a handful of tylenol (I spat some of it out because I could not swallow it all) because I was afraid to be left alone with her for the weekend and my parents wouldn't let me go anywhere else.
Maybe I am just attention seeking, or that "spoiled little princess brat" that my sisters think I am. If I need to fix my flaws , then I am certainly willing to work on that.