QuirkyLady22
New Here
Hi everyone! I’m 46 and have CPTSD with a history of childhood abuse, neglect, abandonment trauma and all that goes with it. I was married for 10 yrs to a partner that didn’t do any self work and was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive at times. I’ve done loads of trauma work (EMDR,IFS) and made real changes in my life over the years. I’m currently seeing two therapists presently. One focuses more on IFS and exile parts and the other focuses more on present coping and how it effects me now with EMDR. I have been fortunate to have long periods of remission and to find peace in my life.
Well.. I’ve started my first relationship after my divorce (over a year ago) and I am struggling. I dated for a bit but didn’t find anyone I was super into until this person. I was surprised I actually developed feelings and interest in this person since initially there were no huge sparks. Which for me is a good thing considering my history with abusers. I didn’t just go for someone based on sexual chemistry.
My abandonment wound was triggered by them pretty bad in December and I can’t seem to get on top of it. It’s around only one “recovery” friend in their life. Basically.. I was in a triggered disassociated state (not my normal anymore) and he knew this. His recovery friend called with a crisis and he dropped everything with me to help them. This is my worst and fear and something with a direct line to my childhood neglect. To be in such a vulnerable place and be left. Now I can’t even hear this persons name without a trigger.
Later he called me needing support after her crisis and I learned her issue was domestic and triggering for me. I was triggered further because he kept saying he needed to call her and I kept saying I was triggered. I ended up having to leave his house because I was getting worse. I had a bad episode that night of disassociating again.
I work a professional job and it’s starting to affect my work. Nothing bad has happened at work but I am super distracted and I am a provider in a hospital so you can imagine my concern. I end up getting mildly triggered at work thinking that I will be abandoned.
I’m doing the work and using RAIN with lots of self soothing. I can’t seem to make him understand how dire my situation is. I don’t know what boundaries are appropriate with this friendship he has. They talk on the phone a lot (twice daily) and text. They hang out. He watches her dog. He lets up her use his car. She’s attractive. Probably more than me. I have asked him to not talk to her when we are doing things which was an issue and rude in a way too. He has stopped that. It’s so stressful for me to even write about. So much shame.
PTSD community what have you found most helpful when your abandonment trauma is triggered?
What advice would you give a partner dealing with it?
What helps you most when severely triggered?
Do I throw in the towel just because I can’t seem to get it together?
Well.. I’ve started my first relationship after my divorce (over a year ago) and I am struggling. I dated for a bit but didn’t find anyone I was super into until this person. I was surprised I actually developed feelings and interest in this person since initially there were no huge sparks. Which for me is a good thing considering my history with abusers. I didn’t just go for someone based on sexual chemistry.
My abandonment wound was triggered by them pretty bad in December and I can’t seem to get on top of it. It’s around only one “recovery” friend in their life. Basically.. I was in a triggered disassociated state (not my normal anymore) and he knew this. His recovery friend called with a crisis and he dropped everything with me to help them. This is my worst and fear and something with a direct line to my childhood neglect. To be in such a vulnerable place and be left. Now I can’t even hear this persons name without a trigger.
Later he called me needing support after her crisis and I learned her issue was domestic and triggering for me. I was triggered further because he kept saying he needed to call her and I kept saying I was triggered. I ended up having to leave his house because I was getting worse. I had a bad episode that night of disassociating again.
I work a professional job and it’s starting to affect my work. Nothing bad has happened at work but I am super distracted and I am a provider in a hospital so you can imagine my concern. I end up getting mildly triggered at work thinking that I will be abandoned.
I’m doing the work and using RAIN with lots of self soothing. I can’t seem to make him understand how dire my situation is. I don’t know what boundaries are appropriate with this friendship he has. They talk on the phone a lot (twice daily) and text. They hang out. He watches her dog. He lets up her use his car. She’s attractive. Probably more than me. I have asked him to not talk to her when we are doing things which was an issue and rude in a way too. He has stopped that. It’s so stressful for me to even write about. So much shame.
PTSD community what have you found most helpful when your abandonment trauma is triggered?
What advice would you give a partner dealing with it?
What helps you most when severely triggered?
Do I throw in the towel just because I can’t seem to get it together?