Hello everyone,
I’ve set up appointment with a therapist to understand the effects of that CPTSD has on the downfall of a strong relationship I was in. A year and a half ago I got into a relationship and noticed that my partner has symptoms of PTSD, reoccurring nightmares, night terrors, anxiety attacks in certain situations and place etc and urges her to mention to her therapist that this stuff was happening despite her hesitation. It turns out that she was diagnosed with CPTSD from back to back abusive relationships and childhood trauma and started EMDR treatment. Despite the occasional situation where she would shut down or have episodes everything was good for the most part. This last October I moved into her place for what was supposed to be 5 months while I went to school, there was always a bit of distance. Immediately, like as we crossed the bridge to go to her part of town, she started acting very dark, a week into it she broke down and started to cry, saying that she doubted our relationship and things didn’t feel right, she also asked me to move out. This crushed me, I spent some time away and secured student housing that I would be able to move into in a month and a half later. After talking to her therapist they determined that me moving in triggered her PTSD and that it would be difficult and require a lot of work for us to survive. After getting an explanation she perked up and resolved to do everything she could to work on it, and asked me to cancel the student housing and stay. Less than a week later she returned to being nasty with me and treating me with contempt, all the while going out of her way to schedule things without me. When I would bring up her behaviour and how it made me feel she would get defensive and seemed to forget entirely about the trauma response she had. This continues for 2 months until she got so paranoid that she went through my iPad and the texts I had with a female friend of mine a year prior that I had spent and hour a few times in the middle of the day for coffee and emotional support while I was doing chemotherapy treatments (I beat cancer and I’m fine now mostly, she had experience caring for her uncle that died of terminal cancer). She accused me of all kinds of things, despite the fact that I had told her about the visits and picked apart everything seemingly thinking thing that weren’t there, such as accusing me of texting my friend more than her which was nonsense. At the time I wasn’t aware and neither was she what her triggers where or disregulations. I moved out and we decided to call it an end a week and a half later. A week after that I contacted her sister who we lived with to pick up a few things, we got to talking and I mentioned that I wanted to be there for her though everything and anything but I couldn’t do it anymore, not when it interferes with my friendships, the sister told my ex about our conversation, she blew up and told me never to talk to her again. I’m ok going my own way, I just find the whole thing jarring and especially the social media stalking that happened after the fact.
It’s been helpful reading other peoples experience and getting a better understanding of the beast we were dealing with even tho I have no intentions on trying to salvage that relationship, for my own health I’ve been looking to understand the behaviour.
I’ve set up appointment with a therapist to understand the effects of that CPTSD has on the downfall of a strong relationship I was in. A year and a half ago I got into a relationship and noticed that my partner has symptoms of PTSD, reoccurring nightmares, night terrors, anxiety attacks in certain situations and place etc and urges her to mention to her therapist that this stuff was happening despite her hesitation. It turns out that she was diagnosed with CPTSD from back to back abusive relationships and childhood trauma and started EMDR treatment. Despite the occasional situation where she would shut down or have episodes everything was good for the most part. This last October I moved into her place for what was supposed to be 5 months while I went to school, there was always a bit of distance. Immediately, like as we crossed the bridge to go to her part of town, she started acting very dark, a week into it she broke down and started to cry, saying that she doubted our relationship and things didn’t feel right, she also asked me to move out. This crushed me, I spent some time away and secured student housing that I would be able to move into in a month and a half later. After talking to her therapist they determined that me moving in triggered her PTSD and that it would be difficult and require a lot of work for us to survive. After getting an explanation she perked up and resolved to do everything she could to work on it, and asked me to cancel the student housing and stay. Less than a week later she returned to being nasty with me and treating me with contempt, all the while going out of her way to schedule things without me. When I would bring up her behaviour and how it made me feel she would get defensive and seemed to forget entirely about the trauma response she had. This continues for 2 months until she got so paranoid that she went through my iPad and the texts I had with a female friend of mine a year prior that I had spent and hour a few times in the middle of the day for coffee and emotional support while I was doing chemotherapy treatments (I beat cancer and I’m fine now mostly, she had experience caring for her uncle that died of terminal cancer). She accused me of all kinds of things, despite the fact that I had told her about the visits and picked apart everything seemingly thinking thing that weren’t there, such as accusing me of texting my friend more than her which was nonsense. At the time I wasn’t aware and neither was she what her triggers where or disregulations. I moved out and we decided to call it an end a week and a half later. A week after that I contacted her sister who we lived with to pick up a few things, we got to talking and I mentioned that I wanted to be there for her though everything and anything but I couldn’t do it anymore, not when it interferes with my friendships, the sister told my ex about our conversation, she blew up and told me never to talk to her again. I’m ok going my own way, I just find the whole thing jarring and especially the social media stalking that happened after the fact.
It’s been helpful reading other peoples experience and getting a better understanding of the beast we were dealing with even tho I have no intentions on trying to salvage that relationship, for my own health I’ve been looking to understand the behaviour.