Good morning all. Fast forward a week and still no contact. As of yesterday he removed me as a follower on Instagram but kept following me. It still kills me inside but I'm getting stronger. I mean removing me but staying following me doesn't really make any sense. Clearly doesn't want me to see what's posted but happy enough to look at mine. Safe to say I removed as a follower too. I'm not into childish mind games. I just don't know whether to remove off Facebook now and try to get on with my life. I really don't want to do that but to be honest, I don't think I will ever hear again so what am I hanging on to? It's just not an easy thing to do after all I love this guy. When I think about it I still can't comprehend what's happened when a month ago we were talking of moving in together. I'm sorry to post here but I do need a little advice. I'm also seeking therapy from next week. It's totally broken me and whilst he has no feelings mine are eating away at me daily.i even thought he'd keep in touch as a friend but no nothing. I know I deserve better but the thought of starting again scares me a lot. I really don't understand his actions. His best friend also removed me which tells me they've likely had a chat and just done it together but as I say why remove me but stay following me? I still won't get in contact or react but I removed him because why should he see what I'm doing? Do you think I should do the same on Facebook or just leave it? Thank you.
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DentedCan 2.0
Bronze Member
Block him and move on with your life. I say this with a heavy heart because I know that you love this man and I also know what he’s going through and have a lot of compassion and empathy for him. The thing is I wish I could tell you it would change, that he’ll be everything that he was before and to some degree he may… But there will be repeated times in your future if you try to stay in this relationship that he will do this again. There will be times where you’ll be confused, not understand, feel rejected, abandoned, and when you’re in need of him he won’t be there. I think you have to ask yourself if that’s the kind of relationship you want long-term regardless of the love you have. It’s been six years for me blu and I remember thinking and feeling the exact same way after the first time he did this to me… I don’t know how many times later it still feels the same way. I think it’s wonderful that you’re going to therapy it will give you a lot of insight into the relationship and your own feelings. The question you have to ask yourself is even if he does contact you in a week in a month in six months, comes back to you the man that you fell in love with and remember… Is the push and pull up and down pull you in and ghost you out the kind of relationship that you want to have long-term? I can certainly tell you from experience I know it’s not the kind I want. The longer you stay in it and try reasoning away his actions and accept this for yourself, the harder it is to get out.
Livinginhope
Silver Member
Hi @Blue89 I'm so sorry this is causing you so much pain. No-one can tell you what to do, but sadly I do think he's leaving you with few choices at the moment. Like @DentedCan 2.0 I hung in there and hung in there, always trying to understand and always being there for him. The horribly sad and harsh reality is that, with a high degree of certainty, he will do this again
So, my advice in this moment would be 'don't sweat the small stuff' like the social media following. All it's doing is keeping you thinking of him 24/7, locked in that gut wrenching cycle somewhere between sheer panic and abject pain. I know you're there anyway, but you now need to do whatever you can to make your days a tiny bit more bearable. Hour by hour, if needs be.
Therapy is a great idea and should really help. What's happened to you will rock your self-esteem, self-worth and self- confidence. I've been there. I'm there again now, too. But, unlike you, he's put me here before and I'm stronger than I was the times before.
Have you considered going completely no contact for a couple of months? ie: Taking his number out of your phone (not necessarily blocking him) and removing him from all your SM. Over time, it will stop you checking up on him.
I know a week feels an eternity right now, but in the big scheme of things, it's nothing. He has said he needs space. You must give it to him. And give it to yourself too. Properly. Completely. Focus on YOU. I know it’s nigh on impossible at times. I know you will still cry at times. I know the panic and pain will still be there. But slowly, eventually, you will improve.
Time will heal you. And it will allow him space to consider his life, and to discover (hopefully) that he misses you. If he does eventually return, it will also have made you strong again. Strong enough to make the right decision for your future, whatever that might be.
Take care x
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I know I've said it before but thank you both so much. I know you're right and ordinarily I'm not one to focus on social media but I'm grasping at straws and everything he's doing seems to hurt that much more.
I'm definitely hopeful therapy will help. I'm trying to focus on me and I nearly sent a message when I noticed the social media thing but I didn't and I'm proud of myself for that. I have kept his number and he's now active again on what's app so what kills me is knowing he is treating everyone else fine yet I offered friendship but even that isn't enough. Maybe deep down I was pushing the relationship but I love him so hey ho.
I will continue the no contact though. I totally expect him to delete me on social media eventually and he can crack on and do that. Everyone is telling me I should do it but it's so hard for me. I also have his mum on social media and she's lovely and really likes me so if I remove him I'd have to remove her and that makes me feel quite crap. Do you think it would be bad to delete him and keep her? I can't even think straight anymore.
I'm in no rush to get into another relationship but I do feel I need to smile again and go on some fun dates with no expectation. Maybe that's a bad idea too but it'll help to get some confidence back Maybe.
I really do empathise with your situations too. You've honestly helped me so much especially when I feel I'm going to cave in. Ptsd or not... I can't understand why someone that 'loved' me so much now feels absolutely nothing for me or even understands just how I'm feeling. It's brutal to be honest. I think he actually hates me at the minute. Everything is anger and aggression and maybe I deserve it. I don't know. You're fantastic people thank you
I'm definitely hopeful therapy will help. I'm trying to focus on me and I nearly sent a message when I noticed the social media thing but I didn't and I'm proud of myself for that. I have kept his number and he's now active again on what's app so what kills me is knowing he is treating everyone else fine yet I offered friendship but even that isn't enough. Maybe deep down I was pushing the relationship but I love him so hey ho.
I will continue the no contact though. I totally expect him to delete me on social media eventually and he can crack on and do that. Everyone is telling me I should do it but it's so hard for me. I also have his mum on social media and she's lovely and really likes me so if I remove him I'd have to remove her and that makes me feel quite crap. Do you think it would be bad to delete him and keep her? I can't even think straight anymore.
I'm in no rush to get into another relationship but I do feel I need to smile again and go on some fun dates with no expectation. Maybe that's a bad idea too but it'll help to get some confidence back Maybe.
I really do empathise with your situations too. You've honestly helped me so much especially when I feel I'm going to cave in. Ptsd or not... I can't understand why someone that 'loved' me so much now feels absolutely nothing for me or even understands just how I'm feeling. It's brutal to be honest. I think he actually hates me at the minute. Everything is anger and aggression and maybe I deserve it. I don't know. You're fantastic people thank you
Hello all. I thought I'd write a closing post. So today I found out my ex has been cheating on me with his ex. As soon as he removed me from Instagram my suspicions grew and I asked a mutual friend to check for me and there is was... a photo of him and his ex together. So ptsd or not... it all makes sense now. I'd like to thank you for all your help and support. I'm totally broken and I messaged him saying he will never hear from me again and that he should have been honest and not cheated. Naturally he didnt reply. I feel physically sick by it all. I knew I wasn't going mad though. Be sure to take care all.
Livinginhope
Silver Member
I'm so sorry to hear that. Please take care of yourself and take time to heal x
Hello all...back again. You were so helpful last time... I'm slowly getting there now. It still hurts but sending everything he bought me back to him has helped in many ways however.... I sent him back the bracelets he bought me and he's now wearing them in photos. I've only been the shown the one as I've said I don't want to see anything else he posts after what he's done to me. But I can't understand why he would wear them. I half expected for them to be thrown or at least out of sight yet he chooses to wear them in photos. I can't get my head around that?!?! Well I've learnt a lot about ptsd thanks to you guys, I've also learnt how much it hurts to be cheated on. I don't think I'll ever hear again and I'm okay with that. Just can't make sense of the jewelry thing. Can't help but feel it's some sort of mind games. Along with the jewelry I sent a heart felt letter but as predicted I've received nothing back and no closure. Just thought I would share my feelings as you maybe able to shed some light on the behaviours although we will obviously never know for sure why he's wearing them etc... thank you all.
Makeupqueen1
New Here
I know the feeling. It’s almost scary how accurate your situation is to mine. All those same things started happening with us. He was obsessed with me every second of every day for a year. Switched meds and completely changed. Stopped calling, stopped answering. Told me he felt empty. I ended up having to block him bc I couldn’t stand the temptation of seeing him on my Snapchat, or pics/videos of us. It’s been a week since I’ve heard from him and as much as I miss him, I hope he continues working on himself. I don’t think I could risk putting myself through this again, and sadly, ptsd will never go away so it’s better off leaving it where it is. Wishing you the best, we’ll get through this!
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