Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

[Givrali]

Also I've been forced to go to the living room of my group home because my room was too hot

 

[Givrali]

I f*ckING hate her. She can burn in he'll for where I'm concerned

 

[Givrali]

10 more days to endure this before leaving

 

[Givrali]

Maybe it won't ever get better

 

[Givrali]

I have money loving family and friends, lot of people I can get help from, I'm smart, ressoureful, a fighter, creative, maybe self taught.

I'm lucky but it's waste because I can't get better.

Sorry but you bet in the wrong girl.

 

[Givrali]

Four is à cursed number I'm some culture. Well can't say it bring them luck. I was their fall.

You should have stopped at three even if the first one never really lived.

 

[Givrali]

better mood this morning
people are still way too annoying but I'll deal with it
slept about 7h which is about ok
I thought about going to hotel for the rest of my time here but I'm so afraid there won't be a place for me there that I can't even look at the hotel to see if it's true
I'm f*kin done with groupe home and people I'm forced to deal with. They say 10 days left. I say forver feeling

 

[Givrali]

it's that supposed to be about how I deal with trauma or something ? Well you can say I'm dealing with it by avoiding every thoughts about it unless the chatting bring a memory up

 

[Sideways]

Well you can say I'm dealing with it by avoiding every thoughts about it

Yep. This is part of the disorder aspect of PTSD - as in, one of the differences between experiencing something traumatic, and experiencing something traumatic which develops into PTSD.

Avoidance is the Criteria C part of of diagnosing a person with ptsd. We very typically avoid thoughts about things related to the trauma. It's a coping strategy.

One of the things trauma-focused therapies try to do is help us stop avoiding these thoughts, but in a way that is safe for us. That's a big part of why, so very often, you'll see folks here on the forum recommending that people with ptsd have a trauma-informed therapist.

Things don't have to be this hard for you, but having a trauma-informed therapist can help ensure that the recovery process doesn't do more harm than good. While avoidance can become incredibly dysfunctional, you don't want to destroy a person's coping strategies unless you've got plenty of substitutes in place.

 

[Givrali]

well my trauma-informed therapist is bassically just trying to keep me stable enought to not have to send my in psychiatric hospital befoire I'm living in my own home

 

[Givrali]

she said the EMDR I did was a stabilizing EMDR and not the "curative" one. But seems like I'm still too fragile to try the real thing so we're working in reconizing and accepting and handling everday emotions. Which means a lot of work even in a 1h per week sesson

 

[Givrali]

I spent a great time with my cousin so I'm feeling really bad right now because I was happy then she left. I want her back