Muttly
MyPTSD Pro
So, as some of you know, I was scheduled to get spinal surgery July 5th. The long story short is that I now have covid and because of that they are postponing mu surgery until September 6th. It's been such a long haul. I've been pushing myself hard to keep working and get things done prior to the 5th. And now it's back to waiting and living in pain. And the friend who was going to stay at my house, to care for my pets while I was in the hospital and care for me when I got home, won't be available in the 6th. And I haven't been able to work full time with my back like this, so this just drags out the amount of time I'm not making enough.
And my head is all screwed up on old tapes. I'm working really hard to not give them space. But there's these old messages:
it's all my fault I got covid so I shouldn't complain about anything
It's all my fault I got covid and it has caused other people problems and screwed up their plans so I am bad and a burden
This proves I didn't need surgery or help in the first place.
I'm too needy and always have problems and just need to be fine.
My birthday is in a few days which probably isn't helping things. It's a very big trigger. And I feel better than a few days ago but it's possible I'm sill not feeling well and that's making things worse.
I decided to give myself today as a pity party day. And then tomorrow I'll work on having a positive attitude and getting on with life. It's just a few months. Big deal.
And my head is all screwed up on old tapes. I'm working really hard to not give them space. But there's these old messages:
it's all my fault I got covid so I shouldn't complain about anything
It's all my fault I got covid and it has caused other people problems and screwed up their plans so I am bad and a burden
This proves I didn't need surgery or help in the first place.
I'm too needy and always have problems and just need to be fine.
My birthday is in a few days which probably isn't helping things. It's a very big trigger. And I feel better than a few days ago but it's possible I'm sill not feeling well and that's making things worse.
I decided to give myself today as a pity party day. And then tomorrow I'll work on having a positive attitude and getting on with life. It's just a few months. Big deal.