whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
I have a completely "out of sight, out of mind" attitude with this, and not only am I deeply ashamed by it, but it feels so important that I should not be here/alive because I can't resolve it.
I should also say that the "out of mind" part doesn't always work, but I sure try. And there is an immense amount of anxiety and guilt associated with it all.
This happens mostly with animals, but that's due, in part, because I'm not around people much. I do, though, tend to hold animals in higher regard, so there's that.
It's extremely difficult for me to even acknowledge that there might be an animal that is hurt/injured, in pain, or in some need of help. It's even harder for me to do anything about it. This goes against everything I believe and think--there is nothing in this world more important to me than animals. If it's an animal in my window well, I shut the blinds (although in that case, they never stay closed for long, and I figure something out to help). A bird flew into my bedroom window a couple of weeks ago--my anxiety was off the charts, and I wanted to scream. I did go out and check on it, and did a little energy work with it while it recovered.
I don't always, though. Well, I can only think of a couple of times I haven't--I guess I usually do something, but it doesn't matter because it's not every single time. And the anxiety doesn't go away, in any case.
Not sure why. Except the emotional pain I feel when another is hurt is sometimes more than I can bear. And I think maybe I worry or think I won't be able to figure out what to do. Which is a BS excuse.
This is one of the most important and awful things I'm dealing with right now. And have been for a while. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to feel better about how I am/have been. I don't know how to get past the shame.
I should also say that the "out of mind" part doesn't always work, but I sure try. And there is an immense amount of anxiety and guilt associated with it all.
This happens mostly with animals, but that's due, in part, because I'm not around people much. I do, though, tend to hold animals in higher regard, so there's that.
It's extremely difficult for me to even acknowledge that there might be an animal that is hurt/injured, in pain, or in some need of help. It's even harder for me to do anything about it. This goes against everything I believe and think--there is nothing in this world more important to me than animals. If it's an animal in my window well, I shut the blinds (although in that case, they never stay closed for long, and I figure something out to help). A bird flew into my bedroom window a couple of weeks ago--my anxiety was off the charts, and I wanted to scream. I did go out and check on it, and did a little energy work with it while it recovered.
I don't always, though. Well, I can only think of a couple of times I haven't--I guess I usually do something, but it doesn't matter because it's not every single time. And the anxiety doesn't go away, in any case.
Not sure why. Except the emotional pain I feel when another is hurt is sometimes more than I can bear. And I think maybe I worry or think I won't be able to figure out what to do. Which is a BS excuse.
This is one of the most important and awful things I'm dealing with right now. And have been for a while. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to feel better about how I am/have been. I don't know how to get past the shame.