How Do You Know?

[deer_in_headlights]

((((((((((((((Kath)))))))))))))))

...Thank you, your compassion and hugs mean more than I can say...
Love you...

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm not very good at words Deer but I am so sorry too :(
(((Deer)))

 

[deer_in_headlights]

((((((((((((((((Junebug)))))))))))))))
Your compassion shines through your words, making your already beautiful ones very healing and heart-touching.
I love you...
Thank you...
((((((((((((((((Junebug)))))))))))))

 

[BloomInWinter]

...and when is it time to find a new therapist?

For us to heal our trauma, we need to be able to do a 'patient to therapist trauma transferance' through a therapeutic relationship. Unless we can brave that trauma transference, we will take far longer to heal, if it even is possible. I do believe it is possible to have this healing relationship with compassionate, caring people who are not trained therapists. But my answer is confined to therapy since this is the forum.

A therapeutic relationship is a healing relationship based upon mutual trust and communication.

I don't think it's possible for us to trust someone who we perceive as so weak they allow us to abuse them.
Result: therapeutic relationship rupture. Wasted time, money, effort.

I don't think it's possible to forge a strong alliance with someone who is abusive to us. Even if we are silent because that is our job, and we are being paid to do it, it doesn't mean we are working well together.
Result: therapeutic relationship rupture. Wasted time, money, effort.

I don't think we can heal ourselves until we acknowledge that abuse is wrong. If we are abusing someone, we have not fully accepted that abuse is undeserved and wrong.
Result: therapeutic relationship rupture.

A good, healthy therapist won't allow us to abuse them. They will consider it a waste of OUR time & money, and rightfully so.

As a paramedic, I got abused a LOT by people I sincerely wanted to help. Including many, many mentally ill patients. I never showed anything but compassion and professionalism, but it HURT me.

I never intentionally abuse my T. He is a professional who is trying to help me. He's not responsible for me being there. If I make myself a burden to him, he's less focused on helping me learn what I need to and has to spend far more time, emotional energy protecting himself from me.

If we can abuse our T. without conscience...we are taking on the role of our abusers. We need to be honest and look at that or we will be abusers to others.

To continue to abuse our T. means we are ruining our chance at a healing therapeutic relationship. Why bother?

 

[BloomInWinter]

To Trapped & Heather,

I'm sorry for my post seeming like it was pointed AT you. I promise, that was NOT my intent.

I am often clumsy and far too analytical in my communication style. I saw the postings as a general discussion and hence responded as that but NOT as a commentary on your or anyone else's individual actions. I hope you can forgive me.

I do still feel the same way generally, but am hoping to learn to be more careful to post clearly that it's not meant to 'should' on anyone. I get triggered to my paramedic mems of taking people to mental institutions where they often got treated terribly.

I got treated poorly by many of the patients (though I knew they couldn't help it, it still hurt.) I would have anger at the staff & at the same time feel so alone by caring about the patients while getting made fun of by my partners for caring about people who would be pretty abusive to us.

It truly was not meant in any way as a personal dig. I have great admiration for you, and more than a little bit of jealousy that you can muster the courage to even stand up to your T. as I'm far from that much, even. I'm far from even working my way up to transferrance as my emotional self is completely in retreat.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I have to say THANK YOU to Trapped & Heather! Today, at my T. appointment, for the first time I was able to respond back to my T. with something I didn't like! I've never been able to do that before!

He asked me 'So, are you exercising?' to which I said 'When a man says that to a woman, we hear 'you look like you're putting on weight!'"

He looked pretty horrified and said 'I'd NEVER think that! I'm asking about your endorphins!' or something like that.

I can answer THAT question without the whole 'body hating' filter going on and I did. ...and was so proud of myself that I learned that its ok to respond back.

So, THANK YOU for a lesson that I never had a chance to learn growing up! So this is what it would have been like having a social circle to learn from, instead of being the drunk I was as a teen. :>

My poor T. better watch out! :P

*grateful*

 

[Heather]

I do still feel the same way generally, but am hoping to learn to be more careful to post clearly.

Bloom - I think you're right about what you said. A lot of times I do take my anger out on him. Ever since I responded to this post I've been thinking about what you wrote. I told my therapist what you all said, he just smiled.

He gives it back to me though....

. Last time I saw him when our session was over he told me to get out of his office because it was his nap time.

He says if I'm going to dish it out I have to be willing to take it.(lunatic).

Seriously, I think it's a defense mechanism. It's a way to avoid dealing with the issues. I know I've said this many times before it's much easy to sit in his office and make fun of him than to deal with my past. He also allows me to avoid. I think I need to start writing stuff down that I want to talk to him about and bringing it in. I always have stuff I want to talk to him about but I never bring it up and then we always end up talking about "fluff". No wonder I'm getting no where.

So, back to my original statement you're right I shouldn't be mean to the very person who is trying to help me. Even if he says it's ok or that he doesn't take it personally.

Hugs. Heather

 

[BloomInWinter]

I've learned so much from people on here!

((((((Heather)))))))

I think, for the first time, I have the courage to try to engage back with my T. on the things I don't like. I didn't realize how much I was RUNNING from that under the false guise of 'being nice'...um, how can he help me if he doesn't know what I'm thinking?

I do think there's something healing in being able to speak back...something it was never safe for me to do.

Scary stuff for me...