Trauma Bonds

[silverlinings1069]

How do you "break" trauma bonds? I am looking for any and all bonds. Romantic, friend, relatives... And what do you do to heal from them once severed?

 

[Friday]

Self confidence, self respect, f*ck it. All equally valid. Ime/imo.

 

[hithere]

How do you "break" trauma bonds? I am looking for any and all bonds. Romantic, friend, relatives... And what do you do to heal from them once severed?

Hi. I'm working on this topic now. It has taken me a long time to get to this point. For me it's very complex and I believe I have found some answers for myself. I just firstly wanted to acknowledge your post since I'm dealing with it.

I've had to look at the bond, what is healthy what is unhealthy. Then the deep, deep dive of "why" am I bonded and what beliefs and emotions mechanisms are operating to keep it in place.

I used psychoanalytic thought and theory to examine myself, and my developmental years. This took a lot of deep self reflection and deep diving and re-experiencing emotions from childhood which were brought out thru transference in therapy. Unfortunately, therapists are CLUELESS about this phenomena and they usually avoid the emotions in themselves that are stirred up. Even with expensive psychoanalytically trained therapists! So all the responsibility to sift thru all the shit of transference was on me. I chose to take it on. (I read ALOT of psychoanalytic books and papers!!

One modality that really helps get to this stuff quickly is Internal Family Systems (IFS) and welcoming all my parts and getting to know all of them and each of their stories and responsibilities that they carry. How old they feel, and how they came about. That part is actually pretty easy and quick (and relieves a lot of emotional distress, too)

Once I became welcoming and accepting of all of me and my parts that I hated and thought were ugly, it became easier to see the current trauma bonds in place.

I'm now at the place of breaking them, but it's not as easy as one would think because certain parts are attached to the people I need released from, each for certain reasons. Once I get all parts on the same page, I will use a Christian spiritual practice called "severing soul ties." I'm using the books by Chrarles H Kraft ("Deep Wounds, Deep Healing") I personally believe in demons and that there is a spiritual component that keeps me tied as well. So there is spiritual authority I need to use to deal with that aspect as well. I understand people have different beliefs, but Im writing about me, though, and how I'm going about it.

So far its working well for me. I will update after I get through the actual severing of the soul ties. This is HUGE for me. My whole life actually has been ruled by these bonds, and have caused me to become bitter, and conflicted, and angry. There is a lot of DENIAL I have to plow through. I have to uncover my UNCONSCIOUS issues and realities and truth. I don't want to believe I'm angry or capable of causing pain to others. But that's just a big fat lie that keeps these bonds in place.
Hope this all made sense!

 

[silverlinings1069]

I've had to look at the bond, what is healthy what is unhealthy. Then the deep, deep dive of "why" am I bonded and what beliefs and emotions mechanisms are operating to keep it in place.

I have been doing this with my T but mostly by myself. The big question "why"...I have been asking this my entire life. Now I seem to be making some progress.

One modality that really helps get to this stuff quickly is Internal Family Systems (IFS)

I have never heard of this but will check it out. Thank you for the suggestion.

Once I became welcoming and accepting of all of me and my parts that I hated and thought were ugly, it became easier to see the current trauma bonds in place.

This has been huge for me. I felt like all of me was ugly, bad. I am now able to differentiate between what I like about myself and what I don't (okay still working on it) - not in relation to anyone else but to myself - and I am learning to like all the parts of me, even the not so good. I think this is why I am finally able to admit and acknowledge my trauma bonds.

I'm now at the place of breaking them, but it's not as easy as one would think because certain parts are attached to the people I need released from, each for certain reasons.

I find it very hard to break them. And that is what I think I will have to do - a mental "break" of the chain that holds me to them. I will not be able to just "let it go". I will need to beat and cut and saw and just utterly destroy them in my mind for them to be gone forever (if forever is even possible with trauma bonds).

So far its working well for me. I will update after I get through the actual severing of the soul ties. This is HUGE for me.

I am so happy for you! This is a wonderful accomplishment. I am not sure if I have actually severed the ties but I know they are not as strong. I cannot help but think about them but it is much less. I do not worry about what they might think as much. I am very curious as to how you will feel and what the experience will encompass once the ties have been severed. Thank you so much for your response. I am also curious as to the information you have read. I am a researcher by nature and would love to read some of the texts you utilized to arrive at your conclusion (which seems very well informed).