Tired Of The Journey

[Tessa]

Thankyou Alixipain, I understand the coping with emergencies yet panic in the shopping centre feeling.
I will move forward and I still hope I get my job back as I enjoyed it. My grief is settling and I am trying to focus on excercise and editing my book.
I am glad you have managed to cast suicidal thoughts aside. You are welcome here and will find we all help each other as we battle PTSD.
Take care

 

[alixipain]

I am glad you have managed to cast suicidal thoughts aside. You are welcome here and will find we all help each other as we battle PTSD.
Take care

I haven’t been able to cast them aside, by no means. I still search my home high and low at times when I go downhill, I ride that rollercoaster often. I've learned through the years that I use a butter knife across certain scars that it gives the effect I'm doing it again. By no means have I casted them, this weekend was tiresome to me, I even wrote a farewell letter to her, but will never give it to her. I’ve written close to a hundred. There’s things I’d love to say to her but cannot from fear she will not be there. I called her once when I needed someone to talk to and was given the statement that other people work! Pretty much telling me even though she said I could call her anytime it has to be on her hours not mine.

 

[Tessa]

I paint a smile on my face today and try to hide the cold sick feeling inside. My husband turns 60 today and I feel so ashamed at not being allowed to work and being so humiliated.
PTSD treatment involves the person feeling safe and in control...my job made me feel safe and in control...
People making decisions about me have no idea how to treat PTSD and help people feel strong again

 

[Tessa]

How much more am I expected to take?? Today the relief nurse took everything out of my office and packed it in a box in the storeroom. My degrees,diploma awards family photos...everything. Not acceptable behaviour on anyones terms. Struggling to keep afloat and not let the bullying destroy me.
Please say a prayer for me I am trying so hard to hang on..

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((Tessa)))))))))

I went through a bullying like that when I left my paramedic job. Big Hugs.

I thought it was awful but...have landed a job that is MUCH healthier, where I'm still 'getting to make a difference'...and have a wonderful boss. A new career. A much better paycheck.

...and much better peace of mind. Take care of you....you will land on your feet. You're smart, strong, talented and caring.

You WILL overcome. ...and you will find meaning and resolution.

Don't let them define you, get under your skin, or make you feel less wonderful than you are. F--K 'EM!!!

Imagine us sitting right beside you, glaring at them.

*linking arms*

 

[Tessa]

Thankyou Bloom,that is a powerful thought...us linking arms. Trying to stay strong.

 

[Tessa]

Finally the big boss is back and says she is appauled at the behaviour of the nurse taking all my things out of my office and directed her to put them all back.
Unfortunately my masters degree glass has been smashed..nasty horrible behaviour. I feel an iron shield inside trying to cope with all the bad treatment. I feel like I have my hands handcuffed behind my back and have to stand and watch all my work and qualifications get trashed in front of me : (

 

[alixipain]

Finally the big boss is back and says she is appauled at the behaviour of the nurse taking all my things out of my office and directed her to put them all back.
Unfortunately my masters degree glass has been smashed..nasty horrible behaviour. I feel an iron shield inside trying to cope with all the bad treatment. I feel like I have my hands handcuffed behind my back and have to stand and watch all my work and qualifications get trashed in front of me : (

the glass may be broken however the degree, and the work to get it hasnt been broken!
that takes a ton of effort, work, and determination to achieve no one will take that from you, i have war wounds, my purple hearts are long since gone, but the scars remain, along with the memories of how they were recieved, few can say that their battle wounds were good, Me, however can; for others where saved in the process of me taking those bullets, which inturn means there is a daughter, a son, mothers and fathers enjoying the smiles and laughters together, the way it should be! I know it takes more determenation to get better, to get myself from broken to where normal people are at today.

 

[Tessa]

Still a brick wall. Not allowed back to work even though my GP and psychologist signed me off on 17/1 !!!
Visited a rehab provider and met with boss. I feel so bad because my husband was fighting back tears in the interviews. What has all this stress done to my beautiful man.
My lawyer says it is mental health discrimination however the wheels of justice turn slowly.
Today some niggly sucidal thoughts crept back and I thought the world would be better off without me.
A soft breeze of faith must keep my candle alight...

 

[Tessa]

The psychiatrist report is back and the first one is fine however the agency have given him another set of questions weeks later which are trying to twist his arm and have given misleading information.
Yersterday I was crying and had lost all hope as I have tried all avenues to get help.The phone rang and it was my boss telling me I could go back to work but I have to have mediation with the bully.
Now we are surrounded by floodwaters and the only way out of my house is by boat.Some houses are already under.

 

[Tessa]

Just been through a major flood.Lost all our furniture clothes etc. Spent 2 weeks in an evacuation centre after working nearly 48 hours to help evacuate the community. Somehow I can't stop crying.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((((((Tessa)))))))))))))