Sufferer Newly awakened to the effects of the trauma I've suffered

[tsunamismommy]

Hi. My name is Nicole. Although I'm a bit older, I have just found out about CPTSD and that I suffer from it. I was sexually molested by my father growing up and my mother was cold and distant. She died when I was 13 in a drunk driving accident and I spent a month in the hospital and 2 months in a body cast. Since my father was a pedophile, I lived with my oldest sister until I was 17. She became a violent drunk who was difficult to live with. My first husband was abusive physically and mentally and my second husband went to prisoner for rape about 6 months after we married. On the plus side, I have been married for almost 34 years to a very loving and wonderful man. I have a very difficult time forming attachments and have very few friends. I don't trust people and I feel like no one likes me. I feel like I'm a horrible person and don't know where to go from here.

 

[Riley Jones]

Nicole, thank you for sharing some of your story. It takes a great deal of courage to open up about experiences like those you've been through. It sounds like you have endured a tremendous amount of trauma and it's completely understandable that it has had a lasting impact on your life.

Realizing that you may be struggling with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) can be a pivotal moment in your healing journey. Acknowledging and validating your feelings and experiences is an important step towards healing.

It's heartening to hear that you have a supportive and loving husband. Having a strong support system can make a significant difference in the recovery process. I also want to encourage you to consider seeking support from a mental health professional who specializes in trauma therapy. Therapy can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions, work through past traumas, and learn coping strategies to manage symptoms of PTSD and CPTSD.

In addition to professional help, connecting with others who understand what you're going through can also be incredibly beneficial. Myptsd.com is a peer-to-peer community where individuals with PTSD and CPTSD come together to share experiences, offer support, and find understanding. There are specific forums on the website that cover various topics related to PTSD and CPTSD where you can connect with others who may have similar experiences.

Remember that healing is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. You are not alone in this, and reaching out for help is a brave and important first step towards healing.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum - sorry you have reason to be here.

The good news is if you’ve just been diagnosed with cptsd, then that gives you a direction to head in, in terms of effective therapies and treatment approaches.

Hopefully this place is a helpful resource your reocovery.

 

[Freddyt]

Welcome @tsunamismommy!

I found my trauma later in life too. There is hope to be better for sure.

This is a great place for learning to deal with your everyday. Lots of members have "been there done that" and can really help.

 

[tsunamismommy]

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am definitely thinking I need some professional help. I am struggling with the trauma I've caused others due to not realizing the effects mine had on me.

 

[mszl]

Hi @tsunamismommy welcome to the forum. I'm also CPTSD sufferer. Feel free to open and vent yourself here, you will be listened and people are awesome here.

I feel like I'm a horrible person and don't know where to go from here.

You are not horrible person, and I know that because horrible people don't think they are horrible.
Take care! (have a cat for support )

 

[Quassus]

Hi. My name is Nicole. Although I'm a bit older, I have just found out about CPTSD and that I suffer from it. I was sexually molested by my father growing up and my mother was cold and distant. She died when I was 13 in a drunk driving accident and I spent a month in the hospital and 2 months in a body cast. Since my father was a pedophile, I lived with my oldest sister until I was 17. She became a violent drunk who was difficult to live with. My first husband was abusive physically and mentally and my second husband went to prisoner for rape about 6 months after we married. On the plus side, I have been married for almost 34 years to a very loving and wonderful man. I have a very difficult time forming attachments and have very few friends. I don't trust people and I feel like no one likes me. I feel like I'm a horrible person and don't know where to go from here.

Welcome! I was recently diagnosed as well. I started therapy 2 months ago after making excuses to avoid it for years until I started having flashback/ Body memories of CSA. I am so glad I started even though it's been really hard! I wish I had dealt with things earlier. This forum has helped me so much! I realized I'm not crazy and what I have been experiencing is common to others with PTSD. See you around the boards.

 

[tsunamismommy]

Thank you. I am going to start looking for someone to talk to as soon as we move. Where we live now, it's 2 hours to anywhere a medical professional is available.

 

[tsunamismommy]

Hi @tsunamismommy welcome to the forum. I'm also CPTSD sufferer. Feel free to open and vent yourself here, you will be listened and people are awesome here.

You are not horrible person, and I know that because horrible people don't think they are horrible.
Take care! (have a cat for support )

I know in the past I have treated people poorly due to my trauma and although I am generally a good person, it's so hard to let go of the wrong I did. Thank you for your kind words. I need to forgive myself, but I'm finding it hard to do that

 

[tsunamismommy]

Nicole, thank you for sharing some of your story. It takes a great deal of courage to open up about experiences like those you've been through. It sounds like you have endured a tremendous amount of trauma and it's completely understandable that it has had a lasting impact on your life.

Realizing that you may be struggling with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) can be a pivotal moment in your healing journey. Acknowledging and validating your feelings and experiences is an important step towards healing.

It's heartening to hear that you have a supportive and loving husband. Having a strong support system can make a significant difference in the recovery process. I also want to encourage you to consider seeking support from a mental health professional who specializes in trauma therapy. Therapy can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions, work through past traumas, and learn coping strategies to manage symptoms of PTSD and CPTSD.

In addition to professional help, connecting with others who understand what you're going through can also be incredibly beneficial. Myptsd.com is a peer-to-peer community where individuals with PTSD and CPTSD come together to share experiences, offer support, and find understanding. There are specific forums on the website that cover various topics related to PTSD and CPTSD where you can connect with others who may have similar experiences.

Remember that healing is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. You are not alone in this, and reaching out for help is a brave and important first step towards healing.

Thank you. I am hoping that being with like minded people will help me heal.

 

[mszl]

it's so hard to let go of the wrong I did

Well I have my share of crap I put my family through that I haven't yet processed with therapist or here on the forum.
Take your time, don't rush things and don't be scared to write. We'll hear you.

 

[tsunamismommy]

Welcome to the forum - sorry you have reason to be here.

The good news is if you’ve just been diagnosed with cptsd, then that gives you a direction to head in, in terms of effective therapies and treatment approaches.

Hopefully this place is a helpful resource your reocovery.

Thank you

Well I have my share of crap I put my family through that I haven't yet processed with therapist or here on the forum.
Take your time, don't rush things and don't be scared to write. We'll hear you

Thank you