Reminders of adulthood - Anyone else have a therapist that often reminds you?

[Compass307]

Anyone else have a therapist that often reminds you that you are now an adult? Trying to figure out if this is done to support grounding— as an anchor to the present or what. I find it to be invalidating at times. Especially when a child part of me is seeking reassurance or understanding! Just seeing if this shows up for anyone else in therapy.

 

[Sideways]

I have had in the past at times.

And yeah, sometimes it was not what I wanted to hear. And I suspect that there was once or twice it was said with a shade more frustration than was ideal!

But it was, at times, what I needed to hear.

It could very easily be the worst thing to say to a person, though, depending on what they need in the moment.

 

[No More]

Other way round for me. I had a therapist that was pushing parts which just doesn’t work for me, not in the slightest.

There was definitely a lot of frustration from me on that, I couldn’t work with it at all. I much prefer the acknowledgment that I am an adult and I want to be treated as such.

Can you voice to your therapist to say in X moment I need Y? Or perhaps you could bring it up as a topic to explore their reasoning and see if it makes it feel any clearer to you?

 

[Movingforward10]

Yep I do. But that is a large part down to the therapy she does which is mainly transactional analysis. Which is all about child, parent, adult ego states.

It can feel invalidating at times. But actually, moving on from that, it's helpful to be aware of the different states or parts. Maybe it's not child part that feels invalidated but the parent part trying to maintain the status quo which is challenged directly by therapy?

 

[arfie]

my sense of responsibility was hideously over-developed, so my frequent reminders were of lightening up, but the principle remains. an imbalance was in need of correcting. nagging needed to achieve a healthier balance.

 

[Charbella]

Mine does but it’s about reminding me we aren’t in the past and I now have control over my own world.

It’s also done to remind me that I’m the adult when my child part needs something I’m supposed to be the one able to give it.

 

[OceanSpray]

Mine does but it’s about reminding me we aren’t in the past and I now have control over my own world.

It’s also done to remind me that I’m the adult when my child part needs something I’m supposed to be the one able to give it.

This is exactly how it happens with mine. My therapist pretty often reminds me that I’m an adult now. It’s done as a way to have me take ownership of my choices and remember that I do get to have choices now. I don’t have to do the status quo, I have the ability to change it.

 

[Rose White]

Mine did something similar to Charbella’s. I didn’t like it when it happened but it was helpful.

 

[Freddyt]

Because all therapy is separating the past and the present.

PTSD makes the past the present until trauma is processed and fit goes from "it's happening" to "it happened".

So, you are and adult = the present, which is part of the separation they are trying to create in your head.