EMDR bringing up memories..real?

[Quassus]

I know there are alot of posts about if memories can be trusted etc. Today I went in for an " emergency " session due to a devastating somatic/ body flashback last night. My T decided to do some EMDR with it. Working through , my mind suddenly jumped to something I know happened, but with an added part that was extremely distressing and did coincide with my flashback last night. But, I don't know if I trust this memory, and if I do its very distressing. I've not had an experience before with EMDR bringing up something new. T felt it was a missing piece that fit my timeline, but also said we obviously can never know if memories are accurate. We just have to accept what the mind brings up. So hard to do. I had to stop the session, which I've never done, because I was starting to dissociate and get extremely uncomfortable. I had to use some tools to get myself settled and grounded. Im doing okay but also feeling distressed. T said she would be able to see me again tomorrow if I want to continue, but I'm waiting to see how I feel in the morning.

Has EMDR brought up aspects of memories you aren't sure are real? How did you cope?

 

[Charbella]

Has EMDR brought up aspects of memories you aren't sure are real? How did you cope?

Yes and it was horrible. It seemed 100% real but I’ve learned since that it wasn’t. Elements were real but later when we did more EMDR with it it changed and finally settled into two memories that were unrelated. BUT it was not one session, it was MANY and sticking with all the things that came up trying to work to a point of knowing the memory wasn’t what I thought it was. To be honest I’m still not done with it and that was September but I needed a break and in the mean time I figured out why it came up the way it did and that the person in the fragment was not a new abuser.

 

[Quassus]

Yes and it was horrible. It seemed 100% real but I’ve learned since that it wasn’t. Elements were real but later when we did more EMDR with it it changed and finally settled into two memories that were unrelated. BUT it was not one session, it was MANY and sticking with all the things that came up trying to work to a point of knowing the memory wasn’t what I thought it was. To be honest I’m still not done with it and that was September but I needed a break and in the mean time I figured out why it came up the way it did and that the person in the fragment was not a new abuser.

Thank you. I think this new one, if real, actually does sort out another that I always felt was not correct and possibly two memories my brain had linked but didn't actually belong together. This one would separate the two into clearer separate memories with different perpetrators which makes more sense. But, ugh, it's awful. The two would have happened during the same period of time, so makes sense my brain linked them. But this is hard..

 

[Charbella]

I get that. Mine were tiny fragments. Hands coming at me, but for sure more distressing than most of the things I’ve dealt with because they were so small and open to interpretation.

 

[Freida]

Yep. And it sucks
I thought I was just delusional in some sick way cause nope. Those things couldn't have happened

Fast forward a bunch and now I know it's the physical reaction that tells me it's real even if the memories don't make sense. If it makes me want to throw up or makes my hands hurt it's real.
Putting into a cohesive picture is a brutal process but it's totally worth it in the end.

 

[somerandomguy]

There were two events that I could not remember - I know they happened, but I didn't have conscious access to them. EMDR shook them loose. It was not fun. But I am better off having those memories than not having them.

I'm not aware of EMDR bringing up false memories. Not to say it doesn't happen, but I've never heard of it happening.

 

[Quassus]

There were two events that I could not remember - I know they happened, but I didn't have conscious access to them. EMDR shook them loose. It was not fun. But I am better off having those memories than not having them.

I'm not aware of EMDR bringing up false memories. Not to say it doesn't happen, but I've never heard of it happening.

That makes sense. The more I sit with this new memory, the more real it is. It's more like you said...always been there but couldn't access it. It's now shaken loose. I am beginning to see the person's face a little bit more as time goes on..it started as a shadowy figure in the dark. Now it's a clear room I cam describe and a person I am vaguely remembering features.

 

[Freddyt]

It's more like you said...always been there but couldn't access it. It's now shaken loose.

Yup - that's how it works. It's like archaeology, as you keep digging you find bits an pieces and keep putting things together.

Be prepared though too as unexpected things pop out from time to time......

 

[Friday]

Has EMDR brought up aspects of memories you aren't sure are real? How did you cope?

Honestly? I have no idea.

As my mind has protected me in faaaaar too many ways, proven very VERY false; as well as seen other people’s minds completely fill in the blanks incorrectly… to ever take eyewitness testimony as anything other than an homage. Including my own. IE? Something, like this, sort of happened. Maybe. And I was there. Or someplace like it. Maybe

I have an EXQUISITE memory. Seriously. I’m not quite eidentic (thank the powers that be!) but I’m close. (I won’t remember the pages on a book, but I’ll remember the book, and the moment, and where both were -both geographically & spatially- So a red fabric bound book about calf high, about 1/3 through, from where I last placed it AND be able to find the correct page in about 4 seconds of flipping through, from any edition, anywhere. My memory? Is VERY spatial. But also highly mutable. And highly adaptive. I’ve learned the limits of my own memory v imagination via trial and error

Meanwhile, my flashbacks? I can absolutley trust, as languages I don’t speak? Translate perfectly. But MEMORIES & NEED? Are sooooo fawking mutable. Like being absolutely convinced someone I loved was dead, when in reality? THEY were alive & well, but who I was when I knew them?

Do you know you own limits? Or are you new?

 

[Quassus]

Honestly? I have no idea.

As my mind has protected me in faaaaar too many ways, proven very VERY false; as well as seen other people’s minds completely fill in the blanks incorrectly… to ever take eyewitness testimony as anything other than an homage. Including my own. IE? Something, like this, sort of happened. Maybe. And I was there. Or someplace like it. Maybe

I have an EXQUISITE memory. Seriously. I’m not quite eidentic (thank the powers that be!) but I’m close. (I won’t remember the pages on a book, but I’ll remember the book, and the moment, and where both were -both geographically & spatially- So a red fabric bound book about calf high, about 1/3 through, from where I last placed it AND be able to find the correct page in about 4 seconds of flipping through, from any edition, anywhere. My memory? Is VERY spatial. But also highly mutable. And highly adaptive. I’ve learned the limits of my own memory v imagination via trial and error

Meanwhile, my flashbacks? I can absolutley trust, as languages I don’t speak? Translate perfectly. But MEMORIES & NEED? Are sooooo fawking mutable. Like being absolutely convinced someone I loved was dead, when in reality? THEY were alive & well, but who I was when I knew them?

Do you know you own limits? Or are you new?

I'm newer abd still recognizing how my brain is working and processing all these things coming up. As i look back I am starting to see how my brain has been bringing stuff up and putting it together. Originally I thought my flashbacks related to something else and I struggled with knowing and questioning if it were true. With this new " memory" coming up I can see why I thought that even though it wasnt what i first thought. I can see how my brain was processing it and relating two separate incident. But now all my flashbacks, which have been mainly body or somatic reliving type ones with some vague visuals, fit perfectly into this new memory like a missing piece to the puzzle. I guess I've decided to accept what's coming up, trust my brain, and see where we go. As I have bits keep coming back and the memory is becoming more of a storyline. It all fits perfectly, which is both awful and strangely freeing. Like Im finally letting go of a secret that was buried deep deep down and haunted my whole life without me seeing it. But I still have moments I wonder if it's real.