Conflicted Heart: Coping with Toxic Attachments

[lvnumc1]

I don't know what to do, I'm not used to being without her even after all this time. Its as if he's a part of me. I know our relationship wasn't that good, but its like my brain fogged up the horrible aspects about it all. I could feel so upset at him for causing me so much pain, but I miss him. I don't understand myself, I see him sometimes out and about and I feel sick. Yet, I also want to be in his presence. It feels like I am addicted even though he's damaged me far beyond what I could imagine. Why can't I accept it? Why do I miss him? Why do I feel this way? I'm still so lost after all this time and it hurts because I just want to get better. I think I have been, but its like he's always lingering in the back of my head. He's so well known, he's everywhere, what do I do? How do I focus more on me, I wish I couldn't care anymore.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I think we like things to stay the same, even if they're bad for us. We fall into a way of life and once that structure (and presence of someone) is gone there is a void. I think we're programmed to want to keep bonds too, even if the loss of them is good, we all require close bond(s) of some kind. We weren't meant to be abused so there is a conflict between the instinct to hold on and logic to find it horrible idea and flee.
That's my understanding of it.

 

[Sideways]

It feels like I am addicted even though he's damaged me far beyond what I could imagine.

I relate. No answers, but I get it. It’s shit.

 

[SallyO]

I don't know what to do, I'm not used to being without her even after all this time. Its as if he's a part of me. I know our relationship wasn't that good, but its like my brain fogged up the horrible aspects about it all. I could feel so upset at him for causing me so much pain, but I miss him. I don't understand myself, I see him sometimes out and about and I feel sick. Yet, I also want to be in his presence. It feels like I am addicted even though he's damaged me far beyond what I could imagine. Why can't I accept it? Why do I miss him? Why do I feel this way? I'm still so lost after all this time and it hurts because I just want to get better. I think I have been, but its like he's always lingering in the back of my head. He's so well known, he's everywhere, what do I do? How do I focus more on me, I wish I couldn't care anymore.

I have done the same thing at the end of relationships. I was brought up with Narcissists and was the scapegoat. I thought I was wrong all the time, unloveable and had a fear of abandonment. I would attract narcissists because I was comfortable with that personality even though I didn't like it and I would end up like you. I was glad to escape the abuse but I missed him and felt crazy. CoDA was very helpful and I am just starting this group.