Processing hurtful accusations

[Dynamic]

I can feel it in my chest it’s heavy. It hurts. The person is hurting triggered and stressed max.

I am praying which is good (for relief and to understand etc)

But what do you know or understand about processing hurtful accusations.

It’s a burning feeling

Thanks

 

[arfie]

"a burning feel" is a good description of processing hurtful accusations.

context is everything in my own processing. if it is a random passerby, i write it off as ignorance. you don't know me from adam, toots. a friend? parent? sibling? lover? spouse? young child? adult child? were we caught up in a tit for tat skirmish? was it out of the blue?

context counts.

 

[Movingforward10]

When my Dad, in 2019, accused me of lieing (making it up) about what was happening to my sister and her children, it made me sink into a depression and spurred me on to tackle my past and start therapy. It was incredibly hurtful to me that he accused me of that. For so many reasons: that he was denying the hurt his other child and grandchildren were going through, that he wasn't going to do anything to help protect them, that he preferred to think I was a manipulative person to make up such lies (the situation was really bad: brother in law had tried to strangle his 15 year old son and my sister: something that could have been fatal, police and child services were involved, thankfully), and it reminded me of my past and how he failed me then, and that failure was repeating now.

How did I process that? It was tough. Long. Therapy. Distancing myself from dad. Working through the hurt. Difficult. My relationship with him and my mum, and my family, changed significantly following all of this. It was the final straw in some ways of the pain of my family and their denial of reality.

Another example. Last week at work, a peer said I was offensive to her because I said what she was asking from me was to change things to support her and it didn't help me do my work. Which was true. She took it personally. But she wanted me to change something, that is a company way of doing something and not mine, because she is struggling with managing her diary. She was offended because it was a sensitive issue for her. I didn't apologise because I had nothing to apologise for. I didn't feel guilty about her accusation. I was worried she would make a complaint about me as I don't trust her. But, I have been able to be boundaired about it and get on with my stuff. This is a her issue not a me issue so I am leaving the issue with her. Not soaking it up.

Like @alfie says, context is everything. Those two examples show how difficult it can be if the accusations runs deep and is by someone who means a lot. And the second one shows how easy the accusation is to deal with if it is by someone not close and you're clearly it's not a reflection of you or a repeat of a deep occuring issue.


Do you want to share the context?

 

[Dynamic]

I’m accused of being vindictive and it roots from a problem with my cousins girlfriend :/

 

[Movingforward10]

I’m accused of being vindictive and it roots from a problem with my cousins girlfriend :/

I wonder if that is more projection by the person saying that?

I think, as with any feeling, working through feelings of accusations is acknowledging and letting them pass through you. If you're holding on to the burning hurt, it sounds like it's hit something deep inside. Maybe something about being blamed, and someone seeing you as not perfect and maybe that was dangerous before?
So, maybe if there is a deeper reason for the burning feeling maybe acknowledging that this was a relational trigger for you will help move through the feelings of it?

If someone thinks you are vindictive, then that is their view. I am sure it's entirely wrong. And if you can trust yourself about your behaviour and actions, then it's working on being true to yourself. Whether that stops them accusing you or not is outside your control. And if they continue to do so, it is a reflection of them, and a shame, but ....

 

[willowcptsdwife]

I can feel it in my chest it’s heavy. It hurts. The person is hurting triggered and stressed max.

I am praying which is good (for relief and to understand etc)

But what do you know or understand about processing hurtful accusations.

It’s a burning feeling

Thanks

It is I feel your pain. The cost of swallowing down those raw emotions to avoid conflict, until it's too much and feels like it will burst from your chest

 

[Friday]

If it hurts? I care about it. Whether true or untrue, or mixed.