Jesus F’ng Christ

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I had a doozy of a nightmare about my evil, dumped “mother.” I thought I was over having nightmares about that c*nt. The year after I dumped her I had relentless nightmares about her stalking me, assaulting me, horrible, violent, terrifying dreams. My hypervigilance went through the roof.

What’s weird is I can’t recall having a nightmare about the c*nt until I cut her off. Interesting, no?

My nightmare was me swimming in a body of water (I enjoy such things) and me having a feeling of being persued. I grabbed a snorkel so I could be below the surface and unseen. There were lots of people around; there was a beach.

I got out of the water, later and I was accosted by some cops. I was horrified when they said my “mother was looking for me.” PS: in my nightmare I was a grown ass woman somewhere in my 20s.

So, I told the cops every bad thing she has done to me and that I do not want to speak with her. They look dismayed and walked away.

Somehow, I knew they told her I was an adult and not interested in speaking with her/I was fine. In my nightmare she FREAKED the f*ck out and hunted me even more. Or something.

I woke up sweating and feeling very depressed.

I dragged myself outside for a walk trying to dispel the awful dream which *mostly* worked.

I guess I’ve been more nervous watching my blocked voicemails inbox. The temp block is about expired. The last time the c-*t got through my barriers she was very angry and said, “I AM your mother and you ARE my daughter.” Ps: I haven’t so much as breathed in their direction in years.

I guess, deep down, I’m still afraid of her and my shitrat biological father. They’re both sick, evil, horrible, deranged. NPD or ASPD or bipolar idk. IDGAF anymore. Not my parents; not my problem.

I can’t go to therapy for this. I’m scared shitless I will hear “they’re your PARENTS!” and negate the boundary crashing, sick hedonistic garbage, abuse, over-the-top cruel criticisms blah blah.

 

[Rose White]

I can’t go to therapy for this. I’m scared shitless I will hear “they’re your PARENTS!”

Do you already have a T? Have they said things like that before?

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

Do you already have a T? Have they said things like that before?

No but in my late 20s a T did immediately realize The C*nt was the source of my mental problems and taught me how to enforce boundaries. I deployed these tactics but it became obvious it wasn’t going to work. The more I put up boundaries the more the C*nt stomped all over them.

When I was a teen a T said The C*nt had the right to beat me. (No, I’m not making this up; it was one of the worst days of my life.) I hear from many people their T minimizing their bad experiences with their “parents” and stuff. I guess my PTSD makes me even more apprehensive about speaking to a stranger IRl. I *did* confess to my Physician that I’m NC with my asshole DNA donors and why (gave him the cliffnotes) as explanation why I have a limited family health history/only vague knowledge etc.

I feel a lot more comfortable spilling the beans anonymously.

Also, despite the nightmare I’m MUCH better off after dumping the scumbags.

I took my Labrador Retriever for a walk after posting this. Helps.