J
just me here
Just surviving this is a sucess story isn't it? Has anyone ever said: Yeah, I had PTSD. Took awhile , but I got over it. Anyone?
We don't get better , do we?
We don't get better , do we?
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I went to so many doctors, and programs I started to think this was never going to go away. I could not get better. All most every doctor was working with a half a brain cell. Some told me I was doomed, and would never be more then I was sitting there at that moment. And then I began to think I just did not want to heal. Maybe I needed to feel paranoid, and angry, and alone just to feel normal.
What I know now- seven years after the damage begun is this. You have to think outside the box. Telling myself that I was suppose to feel pissed, and alone was the right thing for me at the time. It was the honest truth. It wasn't another pill to swallow, and I began to gain hope. I also realize that you have to keep an outlet open. A way to put out all the anger, and all the fear. I shut that down and now I feel like I did when I first started treatment.
If you keep the honest truth open with yourself, and you find an outlet things do change. But the person you were before is gone. You have to reivent yourself.
Hold on.
What I know now- seven years after the damage begun is this. You have to think outside the box. Telling myself that I was suppose to feel pissed, and alone was the right thing for me at the time. It was the honest truth. It wasn't another pill to swallow, and I began to gain hope. I also realize that you have to keep an outlet open. A way to put out all the anger, and all the fear. I shut that down and now I feel like I did when I first started treatment.
If you keep the honest truth open with yourself, and you find an outlet things do change. But the person you were before is gone. You have to reivent yourself.
Hold on.
cherryblossom
VIP Member
PTSD isn't curable. Anyone who says they are cured is either lying or didn't have PTSD in the first place.
However, PTSD and all it's symptoms can be managed, so in that sense we can get 'better' - as in 'better' than we were, not completely cured. Even then PTSD can still be a roller-coaster, and we need to continue to work on 'managing' our PTSD. We need to remain very aware of our stress levels, and manage our lives to keep our stress levels low. This can mean all sorts of different things to different people depending on the severity of the PTSD, and an individual ability to 'cope'. We can never become complacent in looking after ourselves, limiting our stress when we can, and therefore continuing to 'manage' our PTSD.
The important thing is not to write yourself off because you have PTSD. Not to think that because PTSD isn't curable, there's no point in trying. PTSD can be managed, so never give up finding ways to help you to manage your symptoms.
However, PTSD and all it's symptoms can be managed, so in that sense we can get 'better' - as in 'better' than we were, not completely cured. Even then PTSD can still be a roller-coaster, and we need to continue to work on 'managing' our PTSD. We need to remain very aware of our stress levels, and manage our lives to keep our stress levels low. This can mean all sorts of different things to different people depending on the severity of the PTSD, and an individual ability to 'cope'. We can never become complacent in looking after ourselves, limiting our stress when we can, and therefore continuing to 'manage' our PTSD.
The important thing is not to write yourself off because you have PTSD. Not to think that because PTSD isn't curable, there's no point in trying. PTSD can be managed, so never give up finding ways to help you to manage your symptoms.
- Post starter
- #4
D
Deleted member 5760
I feel the title of this thread often. I just can't let myself believe it. I'm too young to write myself off yet. I have worked so hard at beating this PTSD thing that I'm not ready to give up hope. It would just be so much of a waste to do so. I truly believe I have the mindpower and the willpower to reach a point of management. But it's not easy. It's by far the hardest challenge I've ever faced.
I just can't believe how jittery I am. The smallest things - the elevator opens in my building when I go outside and it's like I'm ready to 'jump' if someone's in it. I just wanna be able to do simple everyday things like that. Hit the button on the elevator and not feel a sense of unease at what's behind the door. Is that really so much to ask?
To give up hope now would be sad.
I just can't believe how jittery I am. The smallest things - the elevator opens in my building when I go outside and it's like I'm ready to 'jump' if someone's in it. I just wanna be able to do simple everyday things like that. Hit the button on the elevator and not feel a sense of unease at what's behind the door. Is that really so much to ask?
To give up hope now would be sad.
cherryblossom
VIP Member
You will get there jen, so definitely don't give up hope, or give up trying.
I know I tend to dwell on the things that I can't do (yet!), rather than looking at my achievements so far. But actually our achievements, however small, are really important to acknowledge. We don't learn to manage our PTSD over night, but all our small achievements lead us closer to the goal. Self-esteem takes a huge beating due to PTSD. By being proud of our successes, we in turn boost our self-esteem, which makes the next task seem much more do-able in our minds. Hang in there.
I know I tend to dwell on the things that I can't do (yet!), rather than looking at my achievements so far. But actually our achievements, however small, are really important to acknowledge. We don't learn to manage our PTSD over night, but all our small achievements lead us closer to the goal. Self-esteem takes a huge beating due to PTSD. By being proud of our successes, we in turn boost our self-esteem, which makes the next task seem much more do-able in our minds. Hang in there.
I would like to get 'better.' I don't know if it happens fully. We may be able to learn 'coping' skills so that we can manage the disease.
It's a process. You've got to accept the here and now (though I know it is so hard to do sometimes).
I like the rollercoaster analogy. Some days I'm on fire- happy as hell and oblivious of the world- then the smallest fragment will appear and my world will darken and warp into a shadowy hell of fear, paranoia and ultimate rage.
It's a process. You've got to accept the here and now (though I know it is so hard to do sometimes).
I like the rollercoaster analogy. Some days I'm on fire- happy as hell and oblivious of the world- then the smallest fragment will appear and my world will darken and warp into a shadowy hell of fear, paranoia and ultimate rage.
It depends on what one considers 'better'. CB's posts pretty much say it all, but positively. To me, that IS 'better'. For me, having accepted the PTSD meant living with it,not fighting it all the dam time. That's just plain exhausting. It's managable, sometimes more than others and sometimes better than others but one learns more AND better. Yes, I can say that at this moment when tomorrow I might have trouble pasting 2 sentences together plus refuse to answer the phone plus who knows when some dark thing peers around a corner telling me I don't wish to be here. Who knows? There's a LOT going on in my life- keeping an awfully good eye on it. I'll know what to do then, however, and will hopefully do it. It's better than where I was and I'm by far a better person than I used to be for having to put this thing in it's place on a regular basis- just more adept at looking all kinds of truth in the face these days among other things.
I don't know. Of course there's no cure for PTSD. When I get the hang of the Wiki thing I would like to propose an article on snake-oil salesmen on the subject. I wouldn't mind a mild argument on defining 'better' for the purposes of perhaps labeling managable days/weeks/months as that, however. Gosh, we're allowed to feel better, or GOOD-it's the point of trying. Will someone with PTSD have days where the sun is shining, you're humming for no reason whatsoever, nothing in the world feels 'wrong', the cat and dog are idyllically sleeping in front of the fire and all is well? Yes, and one should feel free to revel in it, not worry because inevitably this dam thing is going to bite you on the butt at some point. It will- so one gets up and does it all over again. Is there a choice?
I don't know. Of course there's no cure for PTSD. When I get the hang of the Wiki thing I would like to propose an article on snake-oil salesmen on the subject. I wouldn't mind a mild argument on defining 'better' for the purposes of perhaps labeling managable days/weeks/months as that, however. Gosh, we're allowed to feel better, or GOOD-it's the point of trying. Will someone with PTSD have days where the sun is shining, you're humming for no reason whatsoever, nothing in the world feels 'wrong', the cat and dog are idyllically sleeping in front of the fire and all is well? Yes, and one should feel free to revel in it, not worry because inevitably this dam thing is going to bite you on the butt at some point. It will- so one gets up and does it all over again. Is there a choice?
blueangel371115
Platinum Member
While we may not be 'cured', we live, strive on. Sure there are days when I feel worthless or afraid of everything but I'm TRYING. I'm not going to let this thing suck me down anymore.
- Post starter
- #9
D
Deleted member 6617
Sure we get better, better at managing it, better at recognizing triggers, better at grounding, better at accepting who we are now, better at....well everything this damn thing is. Lots of work, lots of will power, lots of kicks in the rear, lots of tears, we will get better if we don't give up. That is what I hang onto anyway, we really are worth it!
I am a lot better than I was after I was diagnosed twice, eleven years ago from being a murder witness. The darkest times for me were the first six months after the trauma (I attempted suicide during this time), 3 years later when I had to testify in court at the murder trial (I started cutting after this event), and then again 3 years ago after a really bad toxic drug reaction to a Fluoroquinolone antibiotic that really frightened me and seemed to make my PTSD issues worse. It took me over a year to heal physically from the toxic reaction of it with horrible cycling side effects and I still have a couple physical issues that haven't gone away.
With my PTSD I experienced nightmares, anxiety attacks, flashbacks, shaking and crying fits that seem to come out of the blue, cutting myself as a way to cope with the emotional deep pain, one failed attempt of suicide with pills. Triggers, I couldn't use a large Kitchen knife to cut anything, I had a hard time being around a certain race of men, couldn't be around guns and the sound of gunshots (in particular shotguns), couldn't watch movies or TV shows with violence, certain songs etc. I spent a lot of those ten years feeling haunted, sometimes avoiding things as much as I could, afraid to leave my apartment or house alone, unnecessary fear and guilt, lots of anger and sadness for people and for what happened. Sadness for myself for what my life could have been if only it hadn't happened, confusion as to why I couldn't get over it and move on like everyone wanted, ashamed that I was so screwed up and so different from who I use to be.
I think what has made me better is time/ distance from the trauma, trying different therapies and therapists till I found what worked best for me, and then working really hard to use those tools to help me to heal. The healing part for me involved dealing with and accepting every aspect of the trauma, every memory, every trigger, every thought, every fear, every meaning, every belief including the new things that would come up during working on the stuff I was already aware of. I had to take responsibility for what I did have control over, I also dealt with the personal advantages of having PTSD, the identity of having PTSD (the fear of identity loss-I had PTSD issues for over 10 years, who would I be if I didn't have these PTSD issues anymore?) What would I lose, what would I gain? Would the people I love be ok with me if I was different or changed by healing?, and the meanings and beliefs that I personally had about healing itself (what I limited and what I considered possible).
The end result of really dealing with and accepting all of this so far for me, has been the last ten months being PTSD symptom free. I can now bring up the memories of the trauma or thoughts about it and simply feel nothing, just calm and peace, even when I try to feel upset about it again. I have the ability to use a big Kitchen knife when cooking, without shaking and without the bad memories or feelings flooding back into my head. I've been able to live my life without feeling like it's still hanging over my head, or that I have to still be suffering and struggling with it. I don't feel like I have to still keep it in focus and remember it strongly to keep myself safe at all times. Although it hasn't happened yet, should any of my PTSD issues/symptoms come back again in the future, I know I have coping tools to successfully continue to manage them.
Does this mean I no longer have any stress or bad days? No, everyone experiences stress and bad days, PTSD or not. I know I will always have issues that I need to work on as I'm still living my life, and new things can and will happen. I even have other past issues that I'm currently working on that aren't trauma/PTSD related. However having tools and the knowledge to better cope with my stress or issues (future or past) in a positive healthy way, has made a huge difference in my quality of life.
With my PTSD I experienced nightmares, anxiety attacks, flashbacks, shaking and crying fits that seem to come out of the blue, cutting myself as a way to cope with the emotional deep pain, one failed attempt of suicide with pills. Triggers, I couldn't use a large Kitchen knife to cut anything, I had a hard time being around a certain race of men, couldn't be around guns and the sound of gunshots (in particular shotguns), couldn't watch movies or TV shows with violence, certain songs etc. I spent a lot of those ten years feeling haunted, sometimes avoiding things as much as I could, afraid to leave my apartment or house alone, unnecessary fear and guilt, lots of anger and sadness for people and for what happened. Sadness for myself for what my life could have been if only it hadn't happened, confusion as to why I couldn't get over it and move on like everyone wanted, ashamed that I was so screwed up and so different from who I use to be.
I think what has made me better is time/ distance from the trauma, trying different therapies and therapists till I found what worked best for me, and then working really hard to use those tools to help me to heal. The healing part for me involved dealing with and accepting every aspect of the trauma, every memory, every trigger, every thought, every fear, every meaning, every belief including the new things that would come up during working on the stuff I was already aware of. I had to take responsibility for what I did have control over, I also dealt with the personal advantages of having PTSD, the identity of having PTSD (the fear of identity loss-I had PTSD issues for over 10 years, who would I be if I didn't have these PTSD issues anymore?) What would I lose, what would I gain? Would the people I love be ok with me if I was different or changed by healing?, and the meanings and beliefs that I personally had about healing itself (what I limited and what I considered possible).
The end result of really dealing with and accepting all of this so far for me, has been the last ten months being PTSD symptom free. I can now bring up the memories of the trauma or thoughts about it and simply feel nothing, just calm and peace, even when I try to feel upset about it again. I have the ability to use a big Kitchen knife when cooking, without shaking and without the bad memories or feelings flooding back into my head. I've been able to live my life without feeling like it's still hanging over my head, or that I have to still be suffering and struggling with it. I don't feel like I have to still keep it in focus and remember it strongly to keep myself safe at all times. Although it hasn't happened yet, should any of my PTSD issues/symptoms come back again in the future, I know I have coping tools to successfully continue to manage them.
Does this mean I no longer have any stress or bad days? No, everyone experiences stress and bad days, PTSD or not. I know I will always have issues that I need to work on as I'm still living my life, and new things can and will happen. I even have other past issues that I'm currently working on that aren't trauma/PTSD related. However having tools and the knowledge to better cope with my stress or issues (future or past) in a positive healthy way, has made a huge difference in my quality of life.
Curiouser, much of your experience could be 'mine'. What does "dealing with and accepting every aspect of the trauma, ..aware of", mean to you, if I might ask? Does it mean recognizing feelings/ beliefs triggers and such, as just being those and carrying on with the thought that it is to be expected, and to try to alter them if possible/ necessary? -Thank you.
Oh yes, and "personal advantages"-?
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