DID DID System Calendar

[Renly]

I am looking for suggestions or advice in developing/using a DID System Calendar, specifically to ensure all parts of me have the opportunity to engage in preferred activities and to make sure I am providing all parts of me time out/forward instead of focusing mostly on me (as the host) and engaging in suppression.

We are unable to switch on command (we are working on it), so this does make things a little tricky, but I am realizing a recurring pattern that if I do not ensure all parts of me are adequately attended to/given time, I end up in a crisis (or at the mercy of some repressed part acting out rebelliously, leaving me with a mess to clean up). Time seems to be the biggest barrier. We are back to work and have a busy home life (with a teenager who does not know about our DID) so finding time for all parts has been super difficult. I am hoping this calendar will help.

Some questions to consider:

1. How did you begin using a system calendar and what was the most helpful first step for your system?
2. How do you organize your calendar and how detailed are your entries?
3. Do you use a physical or digital calendar? Any particular apps helpful?
4. How do you involve your system in creating and maintaining the calendar?
5. Do you have specific rules or agreements for who can add or edit events?
6. How do you schedule or negotiate time-sharing among alters?
7. Have you faced challenges with managing overlaps or transitions, and how do you address them?
8. How do you handle unexpected changes or events?
9. Do you have any tips to help when intended switching is still a challenge and spontaneous switching occurs more frequently?
10. What challenges did you face when starting or maintaining a system calendar?
11. Does anyone in your life help hold you and your parts accountable in regard to time sharing?
12. What advice can you give to someone just starting to use a system calendar?
13. Are there any mistakes you made early on that you would suggest avoiding?

Looking for DID specific suggestions, but whether or not you personally have DID does not matter to me. Any help/advice is greatly appreciated.

THANK YOU!

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I’ve never heard of a system calendar… I hope more knowledgeable people than me comment, it seems it could be useful to us, down the line.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

I like this concept. I have no advice because I’m still in a place where communication between parts is rough and at times nonexistent.

But I do wonder, at least for myself, if it is less about making a calendar and more about just building a schedule and routine: maybe making an effort to color every night before bed, or eat a favorite snack that the little ones love after every lunch. Little ways to let everyone know that I am aware of them and hold care for them.

Super curious to hear how this goes for you.

 

[Renly]

But I do wonder, at least for myself, if it is less about making a calendar and more about just building a schedule and routine: maybe making an effort to color every night before bed, or eat a favorite snack that the little ones love after every lunch. Little ways to let everyone know that I am aware of them and hold care for them.

I think this is very insightful and definitely part of the process. For us, some parts are very developed and have lived their “own lives” for years and years, and now that we are living life as “one whole person” things are inevitably different. Hoping the calendar helps us find some compromise (as well as happiness) as many parts are feeling defeated (life as a whole person looks so much different than life as “just a part”).

 

[beaneeboo]

(life as a whole person looks so much different than life as “just a part”).

Wow, this hit home....

Anyway, I don't know how your managing to get on more @Renly or whether your system calendar helped etc. I'd be interested to hear.

As the main host, I've tried so many times to get my shit together and get organised to approach therapy in a logical way. Then, with the amnesia and I guess switching etc, all the good-intentioned plans i put in place all get left behind. And I'm left wondering why I didn't do what I had such an excellent plan for.

More recently I've tried employing basic strategies to get on with managing everything I have to do (basic daily lists on WhatsApp, having a tracking states documenti try to fill in daily - i think you inspired me with that one!). But I think for me the most important thing out of everything, is tu check in with myself daily and read the room essentially. As host, I'm generally always present to some degree but I'm awful at recognising if someone am else is bleeding into me or becoming dominant. I might think it's me as host and then realise it wasn't.

So I'm making a pact with myself that despite my plans and to do lists, I can only go forward with these (if I know to check the list!) once I've checked in to see where I'm at and what I need (what does the predominant part fronting require, are they capable of doing what i as main host need to do, what do they or others need?). If I think I can get on with my list, without it being problematic for others, I try to explain why I'm doing those things and I try to acknowledge it may be difficult for others (got whatever reason) and then try to give reassurance by telling them I'll only do it for a certain amount of time, or that I'll then do something after which will make everyone feel better in some way. Or if I can, get them to do what they need first, then do other things.

But alot of the time I will forget for weeks about the list altogether. Then wonder how I could have?!

Not sure if helpful