Ptsd Dares

[BloomInWinter]

Post the dares you're working on...and the steps you're taking towards this.

I'm working towards...

• riding the train

I have a few reasons why it's hard for me. I had a call as a medic that I can't write about yet, much less talk about. I have claustrophobia and agoraphobia...and had a bad panic attack on the train several years ago before I knew what was happening.

I've contacted a friend who will ride with me up to a small town, grab dinner, and ride back. All in one evening.

Trying to get this done by April 1st.

WHEW...just typing this...heart doing that flopin' thang.

 

[Jade-]

I'm working towards...

*Not having a panic attack when my name is said a 'certain' way.

My husband has been saying my name over and over. When he says it in the way that causes panic, I've found that holding my breath helps. I am still panicking, but at least I'm not lashing out and calling him names and cussing at him anymore. Focusing on holding my breath keeps my mouth shut. I'm hoping eventually I will stop panicking....but right now both hubby and I are happy with me keeping my mouth shut.

*Not feeling like a dirty, nasty piece of crap when I take a bath.

My mom walked in on me being raped as a kid. She, for whatever psychotic reasons, felt I needed to start soaking in a tub filled with bleach. I had major problems with even trying to get in a tub and always took showers instead.

I worked on it, started out slowly and now I'm able to fill the tub and then get in. But I still feel so much shame and guilt and all the feelings I had back 'then'. So I have been getting in and letting myself feel all those feelings without jumping out. The feelings eventually go away.

I have been taking more baths than showers lately, in the hopes that I will be able to just soak in the damn tub like a normal person soon. It's frustrating, but I know I have to keep trying to be able to overcome it.

There are alot more things that I'm working towards, but these 2 have been my focus lately. I feel like if I can overcome these , it will make some of the others a little easier, just because I will know it can be done.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

My mom walked in on me being raped as a kid. She, for whatever psychotic reasons, felt I needed to start soaking in a tub filled with bleach. I had major problems with even trying to get in a tub and always took showers instead.

.

WTF! How COULD she do that? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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My dares​

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Big ones:​

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1) Start school​

2) Get a part-time job :eek:​

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Little Dares​

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1) Join a gym​

2) Go to gym at least 3 times a week​

3) Join classes at said gym​

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[BloomInWinter]

*Not feeling... when I take a bath.

((((((Jadebear))))))))

How AWFUL!!!

I'm so sorry.

It may happen sooner if the reframe in your head gives you permission to stop allowing the abuser to criticize you for your feelings...

...and is evicted by the support of the loving adult inside you saying... 'telling myself I'm a beautiful child and deserve a good comforting soak...until I believe it.'

The former, spoken in internalized abuser voice, the latter...in your powerful comforting survivor voice.

May this experience be transformed for you soon...

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm so sorry Jadebear.

xox
May you be able to start with bubbles, a candle, and at least one foot.

 

[Jade-]

Sorry if I sounded pathetic with the whole 'bath' thing. I wasn't looking for sympathy, I was just being honest about what I'm working on. Now I feel like It was a little TMI.

 

[Vee Lagrome]

I would like to be able to:
1. go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning

This sounds so... basic, but I have been having so many problems falling asleep at night, staying asleep, and being able to wake up in the morning.

2. trust myself with the medicine cabinet when no one is around

I have been purposefully avoiding the medicine cabinet completely because my suicidal impulses are all over the place and until I get better at identifying the feelings that lead to the impulses, I just don't trust myself with going into the medicine cabinet for anything when no one else is around. I attempted suicide a few weeks ago, after which I couldn't walk for a couple of days, and though I am not afraid of dying, I don't want my family to go through that pain.

3. keep the motivation up to get things done

I want to be able to tell myself "I can do it" since I often wake up in the morning just nervous and anxious about calling contractors, insurance companies, home owner's association, etc. and I have been losing a lot of motivation to get anything done because I keep second-guessing myself and convincing myself that I can't do anything.

4. be consistent with my medication and with therapy

I want to be able to be consistent with my meds. I hate to admit that I haven't been consistent with my meds, which just leads to so many more problems. I am also very inconsistent with therapy, which is just stupid and ridiculous and there is just no excuse for it.

5. be able to go into stores and crowded public areas without being in "fight" mode

I live in a busy little city, so stores are always crowded and there are people everywhere at all hours of the friggin day. I would like to be able to go out without having my guard being so high that I'm basically a landmine waiting to be set off. I can't take one of my meds if I'm driving, so I want to be able to refocus my attention, do the self-hypnosis I learned in therapy and use it when I get extremely anxious while out and about.

6. be able to talk about more recent trauma

I haven't been able to write about my more recent trauma in my trauma diary because of the distress it puts me in, and I want to be able to talk about it. I want to be more vocal in general, but if I can talk about my abusive workplace experience, the emotional distress from working at the psychiatric hospital, and the problems I experienced with my husband earlier in our relationship, I think it would be very good for me.

 

[Vee Lagrome]

Sorry if I sounded pathetic with the whole 'bath' thing. I wasn't looking for sympathy, I was just being honest about what I'm working on. Now I feel like It was a little TMI.

You shouldn't feel pathetic. Yeesh, that little bit makes me feel squeamish about taking a bath. Honestly, I've been having a hard time feeling comfortable taking baths because my little brother pooped in the bath once. Not really trauma, but it was gross (and my mother's reaction was hilarious). I think that it's great that you are making such great progress with that when I think many others who have experienced similar things would probably avoid bathing altogether. :)

 

[becvan]

Actually, I"m glad you mentioned it. I have bath issues although mine is due to other reasons. I was in the bathtub when someone broke into my house. I had my bathroom door open and the only thing that stopped him (I know who it was) was my dog. Ever since I've felt really vulnerable in the tub and can't enjoy a bath. I'm doing the same thing as you. I'm trying to learn to enjoy it again and its REALLY DAMN hard.

So I guess for me it's an ongoing dare... cause I've been working on it for a long long while..
bec

 

[Innordinate]

go into more detail in my journal and be more honest with myself and my therapists.

Probably also my family.

Apparently I suck at honesty.... workin on it by I think just by posting here

 

[Tinyflame]

Same Jadebear, I didn't think of it as pathetic- just terribly sad. BUT, a great thing to 'say' it/ get it out into the open to carry on. And I really did mean, hope you can make it nice and start slow, -you can do it.

You know what? Maybe too aromatherapy, and even a few drops of food coloring (blue? green?) in the water. People who have survived concentration camps can't usually bathe in white tubs, btw. But it could change the whole perspective.
(Plus put on a few tunes :))
(Geez at this point I'm almost ready to say bring some of that 'yogurt with Doritos in it' :eek: someone suggested a ways back, lol. Just kidding :))
I feel somewhat the same about showers.

There's also the option of closing the drain, during a shower.

 

[cakey]

I'm going to work on being closer to my friends, gaining new ones, and trying to accept romance as a possibility in my life again. To sleep too so I do better in school!

also to not think their following me everywhere.