Hi.
I went through a lot of trauma as a child. One of them was my mother always making me feel guilty, not enough, as if I was behaving badly towards others, etc. I seem to have been the cause of all that didn't go well or rather according to her wishes and expectations.
This still has an effect on me today (I'm 50+). The other day I bought an item online. When I got it, I noticed it had a defect. So I wrote to the seller on Etsy that the item had the defect and that I would like to return it. It's a normal thing... but now, I feel guilty and like the most horrible person in the world. I have to add that I bought from a seller in Ukraine and they had really good pre-sale service. And I was so looking forward to the item--I don't have a lot of money so buying this was a once in a lifetime thing and because of all the great reviews, I was sure everything would go well. But it didn't. So now I can decide to keep it and basically have it sit on a shelf forever or open a dispute. I did open one already, but now I feel so bad. I mean, the seller offers returns so, in my mind, I'm all good. But my feelings are all over the place. It's a little as if my mother was here and was whispering into my ear how horrible I am for opening a dispute, and a dispute with someone in Ukraine who have to live through war, and why I couldn't prevent this from happening, etc. That's what she would say every day of my life basically, no matter what was concerned. It was always me not thinking, not considering, not this, not that.
I do want to return this item. If I keep it, I will not be able to by one that doesn't have that defect. It was a dream to get it, and now I'm just really confused and would actually prefer keeping it just so I don't have to stand up for myself.
Anybody here know this feeling? What do you do? How can you be stronger than your feelings??
I went through a lot of trauma as a child. One of them was my mother always making me feel guilty, not enough, as if I was behaving badly towards others, etc. I seem to have been the cause of all that didn't go well or rather according to her wishes and expectations.
This still has an effect on me today (I'm 50+). The other day I bought an item online. When I got it, I noticed it had a defect. So I wrote to the seller on Etsy that the item had the defect and that I would like to return it. It's a normal thing... but now, I feel guilty and like the most horrible person in the world. I have to add that I bought from a seller in Ukraine and they had really good pre-sale service. And I was so looking forward to the item--I don't have a lot of money so buying this was a once in a lifetime thing and because of all the great reviews, I was sure everything would go well. But it didn't. So now I can decide to keep it and basically have it sit on a shelf forever or open a dispute. I did open one already, but now I feel so bad. I mean, the seller offers returns so, in my mind, I'm all good. But my feelings are all over the place. It's a little as if my mother was here and was whispering into my ear how horrible I am for opening a dispute, and a dispute with someone in Ukraine who have to live through war, and why I couldn't prevent this from happening, etc. That's what she would say every day of my life basically, no matter what was concerned. It was always me not thinking, not considering, not this, not that.
I do want to return this item. If I keep it, I will not be able to by one that doesn't have that defect. It was a dream to get it, and now I'm just really confused and would actually prefer keeping it just so I don't have to stand up for myself.
Anybody here know this feeling? What do you do? How can you be stronger than your feelings??
