Sufferer Feeling guilty

[CrazyMaisie]

I’m a 51 yr old woman who has felt guilt for a long time. My mother abused me emotionally, ( I didn’t see it like that for a long time until it was pointed out to me) and she was as emotionally and physically abusive to my sister and my brothers. I feel the guilt of not doing more for my younger sister. She is now and has been for years an addict who has lost her children. I have tried to help her all her life but it’s never been enough. She gets into bad relationships one after another because she won’t or can’t accept help. I can’t do anything for her, I’m exhausted in all senses. I love her but I can’t do anymore for her.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum:)

 

[Friday]

Aloha.

The choices we make, in response to where we are? Are shaped by where we were.

You stood aside, then. So? Feel guilty, now. Whether you stand aside, still, or dive in.

What did she do then/now?
What are you doing… now?

Is it combatting the script, or confirming, or a wholly new way of reacting? Are you someone who stands aside, or dives in, or comes at things by the oblique, or, or, or? Are you the same abused child? Or are you an adult with different choices in front of you?

 

[arfie]

hello crazymaise. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

empathy on the guilt factor of not being able to protect siblings, etc., or of not being able to fix their lives after they've grown. "survivor syndrome" is the official dx which i used for my own therapy of that staggering guilt, both professional and alanon, it be a complex syndrome.

but that is me and every case is unique. mostly just sharing in hopes of welcoming you aboard,

steadying support while you sort your own case.

 

[anthony]

I can’t do anything for her, I’m exhausted in all senses. I love her but I can’t do anymore for her.

Welcome, and yup, you can only try so much before you have to step aside and let people fail, fall, even die, and just hope they fail enough before death that wakes them up and makes them actually change their life. It really can be a toss of a coin, and heart breaking watching from the side lines, but that is better than you sinking with them.

 

[Susan Jane]

I’m a 51 yr old woman who has felt guilt for a long time. My mother abused me emotionally, ( I didn’t see it like that for a long time until it was pointed out to me) and she was as emotionally and physically abusive to my sister and my brothers. I feel the guilt of not doing more for my younger sister. She is now and has been for years an addict who has lost her children. I have tried to help her all her life but it’s never been enough. She gets into bad relationships one after another because she won’t or can’t accept help. I can’t do anything for her, I’m exhausted in all senses. I love her but I can’t do anymore for her.

I understand this, my sister and I had to have a break because I was unable to cope with her drug use. I felt guilty, but I had to make a cut to save myself and take care of my child. She did make it through and we are now able to have a relationship. My abusive mother was also a alcoholic and I had to cut her out when my son was born. I had to look after myself. The decision was very hard, but I knew in my heart, that I was enabling them by helping. I was exhausted and dealing with my own trauma… love doesn’t change because you choose to look after your best interests. Be kind to yourself, you have obviously done what you could…sad as it is sometimes one has to hit rock bottom to move back up. I send my compassion