Would cutting off my family be realistic?

[Luna_Moth]

To make a long story short, I grew up with religious narcissists for parents. My mother has manipulated me my entire life and it’s been only recently that I found out I’ve had PTSD since I was 3 or 4 and developed C-PTSD at 5. When I was 28, I got retraumatized by someone simply from being triggered by them. It brought back all of the body memories and emotional flashbacks that I’ve buried all these years, yet I had no visual memories. A few years before that, my mother accused me of having false memories after I pointed out her manipulations. I’ve also come to find out that I was put through Somatic therapy as a child, but they denied I had any trauma.

I’m partially disabled due to my autism, and rely on them financially for a few things. Only now I’m starting to think I should really cut them off for good if I want to get better. I’m thinking of getting another job to pay my way for my health issues and my college, even though it might be hard.

I have a friend who has cut off her parents for being pedophiles and she is staying with me as she has nowhere else to go. We’re thinking of becoming roommates and of moving to a two bedroom apartment once she saves enough money.

I want to get a second job to pay for health issues and to take 1 college class a semester to see how I do.

My main concern is that I’m preparing for EMDR and I’m not sure if working 50 to 60 hours a week while attending school is doable, because I’ve read that you need a lot of time to recuperate after a session. At the same time, I don’t know if I can truly heal if I’m in touch with those that I suspect might have abused me at the preverbal stage. I question if I was sexually abused by someone and I hope they’re not my parents, but regardless the toxicity between our relationship is not helping my mental health at all.

I really feel lost at what to do and would like some input from other survivors who decided to go no contact with their family.

 

[Luna_Moth]

Lots of good comments here. I just want to say that you don't *have* to cut anyone off--unless they are actively abusing you--to get better.

Cutting off my grandma was the straw that broke the camel’s back. So no, I don’t think keeping in touch with disbelieving family members is an option unless, as f*cked up as it sounds, I have something to gain from the relationship.

 

[whiteraven]

Cutting off my grandma was the straw that broke the camel’s back. So no, I don’t think keeping in touch with disbelieving family members is an option unless, as f*cked up as it sounds, I have something to gain from the relationship.

Sounds like you have made up your mind. Great.

My sister cut all of us off when it was my dad who was the abuser. She did it because we dared stay in touch with him. He was worse to me than he ever was to her, but I chose not to cut him off. And I am grateful. He was an *ss, always, but as I got older and further along in my healing, nothing he had done or continued to say affected me anymore.

That was my choice (and one I would make again), and I healed a lot anyway. He didn't have to die alone, but she basically did.

I wish you well in your decision.

 

[Luna_Moth]

Sounds like you have made up your mind. Great.

My sister cut all of us off when it was my dad who was the abuser. She did it because we dared stay in touch with him. He was worse to me than he ever was to her, but I chose not to cut him off. And I am grateful. He was an *ss, always, but as I got older and further along in my healing, nothing he had done or continued to say affected me anymore.

I never said that I was going to cut everyone off. I only cut off my grandmother.

Also, that is your sister’s experience. That doesn’t make it my experience.

Thirdly, I don’t cut off people simply for being in contact with her.

 

[whiteraven]

I never said that I was going to cut everyone off. I only cut off my grandmother.

Also, that is your sister’s experience. That doesn’t make it my experience.

Thirdly, I don’t cut off people simply for being in contact with her.

I'm just sharing my own experience with choosing not to cut ties. I thought you were looking for opinions. You sound super angry with people here, though, so again...best to you in whatever you do.

 

[Luna_Moth]

I'm just sharing my own experience with choosing not to cut ties. I thought you were looking for opinions. You sound super angry with people here, though, so again...best to you in whatever you do.

You should also learn to assess people’s situations without projecting your own biases onto them.

 

[whiteraven]

You should also learn to assess people’s situations without projecting your own biases onto them.

I don't know what that means. I'm not here to "assess"--I'm here sharing my own experiences.

 

[Luna_Moth]

I don't know what that means. I'm not here to "assess"--I'm here sharing my own experiences.

You literally compared me to your sister, insinuating that I would die alone like her.

I’m not in the mood for these games right now.

 

[user56652]

For what it’s worth my family has imploded and yet one ahole still yearns for them

 

[Luna_Moth]

For what it’s worth my family has imploded and yet one ahole still yearns for them

What do you mean by imploded?

 

[user56652]

What do you mean by imploded?

It's a long story and I'm trying to move on. There was a huge split in the family at the same time that I was struggling to deal with a huge shock of my own.It was about money. Sides were taken. I took my mother's side (and I'm the only one who did) and my father took the other. He sided with his stepson against his own flesh and blood.Without going into details we were subjected to a volley of abuse and had our lives threatened. On "paper" my mother was proven right but the scars are still there. Imploded is a rather melodramatic word.

 

[Luna_Moth]

It's a long story and I'm trying to move on. There was a huge split in the family at the same time that I was struggling to deal with a huge shock of my own.It was about money. Sides were taken. I took my mother's side (and I'm the only one who did) and my father took the other. He sided with his stepson against his own flesh and blood.Without going into details we were subjected to a volley of abuse and had our lives threatened. On "paper" my mother was proven right but the scars are still there. Imploded is a rather melodramatic word.

I’m really sorry you dealt with that. That sounds tough.

 

[user56652]

I’m really sorry you dealt with that. That sounds tough.

Thank you. It left me scarred and destroyed my trust in people. I felt so alone at the time. I was fighting 2 battles. Those that could have helped were too ill or too far away. I also lost family via natural causes during that time.

But I still don't trust my father. Every time he sees them he weeps crocodile tears and tries to locate them on social media (I blocked them)
I have this horrible feeling he'll make an idiot out of himself over them and unleash hell.