flesh and blood
New Here
Hi everyone!!!! I’m new here and wanted to introduce myself. I’m 25 and I’ve had C-PTSD my whole life. I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 17, and in 2023 I did EMDR for a year and a half, DBT for a month or two, both were amazing and helped with my symptoms a lot. Unfortunately I’m no longer in therapy because I had to move to another country to pursue a Master’s degree in physics, which I should finish this September, but here therapy is not as accessible and there’s not many good trauma therapists even if I had the money to pay for them.
While I’ve always had C-PTSD, during the 4 years of my bachelor I had extra traumatic events almost every year of uni, which as you might’ve guessed f*cked me up a lot more. So now my symptoms are real bad.
Most of the time I feel like I’m batshit crazy and navigating academia which is not designed for people with disabilities, where exclusion seems to be an integral part of the culture and grades determine your worth, doesn’t help. Also dealing with and trying to spot misogyny in the department is so draining especially when most of my traumas are also rooted in gender based violence. Then comes the fear of what comes next as I didn’t apply for PhD’s due to being too mentally unstable to do applications, and I also feel I could not hold a job due to my disability.
So any system I have to navigate whether work, academia, or any bureaucratic bullshit feels so ableist and it’s easy to internalize failure of functioning within them, especially when others seem to manage, even others with CPTSD. Not knowing other people with my condition that experience symptoms as severely as I, makes me feel a lot crazier, which is why I’m here. And also to hear and brainstorm ways of living that defy the system, that go against the norm, because I don’t know if I can survive if I don’t come up with something creative. That’s how I’ve gotten so far, but I’ve been running out of ideas for the future.
While I’ve always had C-PTSD, during the 4 years of my bachelor I had extra traumatic events almost every year of uni, which as you might’ve guessed f*cked me up a lot more. So now my symptoms are real bad.
Most of the time I feel like I’m batshit crazy and navigating academia which is not designed for people with disabilities, where exclusion seems to be an integral part of the culture and grades determine your worth, doesn’t help. Also dealing with and trying to spot misogyny in the department is so draining especially when most of my traumas are also rooted in gender based violence. Then comes the fear of what comes next as I didn’t apply for PhD’s due to being too mentally unstable to do applications, and I also feel I could not hold a job due to my disability.
So any system I have to navigate whether work, academia, or any bureaucratic bullshit feels so ableist and it’s easy to internalize failure of functioning within them, especially when others seem to manage, even others with CPTSD. Not knowing other people with my condition that experience symptoms as severely as I, makes me feel a lot crazier, which is why I’m here. And also to hear and brainstorm ways of living that defy the system, that go against the norm, because I don’t know if I can survive if I don’t come up with something creative. That’s how I’ve gotten so far, but I’ve been running out of ideas for the future.
