eleuteriathanatos
New Here
Hi all,I don't expect my story to be regarded as plausible or anyhow to find much in terms of support on an internet forum,but atm I even just need an outlet in order not to implode.
1) .Apologies in advance,as this will be a long series of long walls of text.
2)Also,English is not my native language and I basically learnt it on the internet,so apologies if I sound verbose or long-winded.
3)Some will probably try and be nice,and tell me in a non-straightforward way that what I’m about to share is too far-fetched to be possibly true.I second that,it’s a kafkaesque story featuring an unlikely intersection of events,sounding straight out of a thriller movie.This alone has made me falter and overthink when trying to seek help,and the awareness it will downplayed to a complex schizophrenic fantasy,even by someone with genuinely good intentions,frustrated me to no end.But,as I wrote,what I need atm is mainly an outlet,writing for myself is still better than keeping everyhting bottled up inside me.
Starting from the beginning,been the walking stereotype of the nerdy and ugly teen growing up,and currently a not-too-nerdy but still as ugly young(ish) adult.Obviously I had to bear the brunt of my looks in terms of social outcomes,i.e. being pretty much a pariah and having to keep to a corner and make myself as invisible as possible in order not to get picked on,in time developing an avoidant personality.I'm not morbidly obese nor do I have burn scars all over my face and body,but I was and am ugly in a "striking" enough way that I would consistently appear as "weird/out of place".
At about 20,after a brief stint living on my own and attending classes at uni,given the lack of positive interaction(not that without some plastic surgery I would have found it,even had I tried to initiate it),and since I had to basically endure the not so occasional giggle or whispered comment wherever I went,I moved back to my parents',became pretty much an hikikomori and started avoiding leaving my home unless there was a serious reason warranting it.
My forced reasoning,in that regard,was and is that since exposing myself to crowds would only fill me with negativity,I'd better focus on finishing my uni studies (from textbooks,since attending lectures was apparently a luxury I could not afford) and limit as much as possible social exposure till I could get a qualified job and be in a position to at the very least get a nose job,and whatever other plastic surgery fix I'd end up needing,since my parents at the time(they're not multimillionaires,but they're by no means broke) categorically refused to cover such expenses.Needless to say that the consequences,both pyschological and in terms of personal development,of rejection and bullying for something beyond your control in your teens and early twenties are severe and often lifelong,but my parents either were/are too dumb to see that or couldn't give an f about it.
Fast forward to 2019:parents and brother leave to stay at a summer home in July/august,I stay home,and some neighbors with whom there was a somewhat 'tense' relationship start harassing me with constant profanity,jibes and not too flattering comments about my look,literally spending their whole days at this while sitting on their balconies.This morbid obsession,seemingly started out of the blue,could have some raise an eyebrow,and in this regard I point out it was people who probably had in turn their own mental health issues,i.e. an elderly couple with their NEET daughter and then in school/currently NEET grandson living with them,prone to violent shouting matches and domestic fights among them).In hindsight,given my “hikikomori” status,I was a subject of gossip for the "people" living in my condo,and the absence of my family kinda emboldened them to make a step they had long been contemplating).I realize this alone will sound far-fetched,but consider I live in a small town in southern Italy,the European equivalent of living in downtown Detroit or in a trailer park in Alabama,and the people living in my condo were either retired or unemployed,spending all the day on their balconies looking at the surroundings and chit-chatting feeding their twisted 'spirit of community';their criminal records might even have been clear,but we're talking about classless trash with mafia-like culture and upbringing that would possibly be enough to make a thug from downtown Detroit or a meth addict from an Alabama trailer park appear like gentlemen.
This made it for me:secluded in my own home to preserve my peace of mind,then feeling violated and harassed in my very home----->breakdown:panic attacks,anxiety,first onset of PTSD,requiring medication.Parents come back,I tell them the whole story,they start gaslighting me about the impossibility of what had transpired though they were not there to fact-check it,not sure if because of their naiveness or because believing my story would have made them feel obliged to confront,either personally or legally,those responsible,and they didn't want to jeopardise their relationships with their neighbors,so they looked for a "dialectic solution" of sorts.
Since as I initially looked for shrinks I brought my parents with me for support and the cues they gave,subtly or not so,made me sound like a schizo(and,given my looks,I might have looked the part as in 'therapist looking for an excuse to validate a sense of superiority or mundane stigma that would have otherwise been rooted in my appearance’) what happened got misunderstood and misdiagnosed,got prescribed medication for schizophrenia which only made me more miserable,only some six months later was able to get a therapist to give me sertraline.which gave me some relief.
Meanwhile the harassing continued but in a more subsided way:the remarks that had been incessant and triggered my 'crisis' become slightly less frequent and now spoken,albeit loudly,rather than downright shouted,in such a way that I,being now in a state of alertness/fight or flight mode,attuned my ear to them,whereas my parents and brother didn't;also,the original perpetrarors carry out an extensive gossip campaign among the others living in the condo and the neighborhood in general,taking some sort of perverted pride in the outcome of their harassment,so that some other pieces of ex- c rement took up the hobby of calling me names (taking care to do it discreetly:for instance,there was a vulgar woman often shouting remarks from her balcony,but suddenly becoming quiet whenever my mother would go out on our balcony to smoke a cigarette,per her habit).
This goes on until summer 2024,by the time I had developed coping mechanisms,out of need if not will,so I was less sensitive to the situation than I had initially been,but I still realized that enough was enough and decided to file a lawsuit:if my recount of what had been happening until then is implausible,what comes next will make one think that I'm a victim of Murphy's law or have a jinx on me,or otherwise reinforce the impression that I'm a schizo.
I make a mental commitment to file a lawsuit about the little setup in my condo in september (though,confronting my parents with the possibility,they make it clear that,as far as they're concerned,they'll say they never saw or heard anything,since,in my mother's words,almost verbatim,"you are the one shut at home,but we go out and meet those people face-to-face,that would be an embarrassment".Meanwhile I go spend the summer at my parents’ summer home at a seaside resort,the guest staying at the home next to mine takes an unhealthy interest in me for the usual reasons(i.e. butteface) and starts replicating the same scenario I had hoped to find temporary relief from. Since I had with me a small portable router for internet connectivity,it being a rural area,and he had apparently one of the same brand,I accidentally tried connecting to his using my network's password,he apparently was some sort of script kiddie/computer geek,and,in light of stuff that happened next and of a shouted threat on his behalf about infecting me with malware,he infected my devices with a rootkit or,at any rate,some sort of spyware.
Late in september 2024 I file a lawsuit (drafted on my own,not being able to afford a lawyer) against the riff-raff in my condo,judging from some comments I start hearing they're privy both to the fact they have been sued and to the content of the complaint I handed in,I initially dismiss it as suggestion on my part.More comments follow suit that make me suspect I'm being spied on my PC,and possibly also physically through some devices' cameras or sensors;I address the issue with my parents (this time justifiably skeptical),and later on my suspicions are confirmed by a phone call on speaker I hear going on in the apartment below mine (where the instigators of everything live),in which I hear,on the other end,the voice of a man speaking with the same vernacular accent as the fellow from the seaside resort (not local to my area),telling them,in a nutshell,he expected money in return if he were to 'free' their devices.
Apparently the poc had made good on his threat to infect me with spyware,and,one month after I left,his unhealthy interest had not subsided and he used to spy on me from time to time;seeing I was filing a lawsuit,he thought it amusing,since my complaint included the names and addresses of those I was suing,to reach out to them via social media or phone number found on Whitepages,to warn them of the impending lawsuit and extend to them the "spying privileges" by providing them some URL/app/whatever allowing them to spy on me through my devices.
This is the turning point at which the original harassment slowly but steadily turns into something even more degenerate:those the script-kiddy reached out to share whatever whatever tool they had gotten their hands on with other scum in the neighborhood,(where,in case it’s not obvious,by the time I had become laughing stock and a recurrent topic of conversation),the name-calling gradually gets supplemented and then replaced by not so hushed comments regarding my home life,my web browsing history and they seemingly even start taking pics or videos of me through some devices’ cameras or sensors.
As for the lawsuit,the fact my stalkers were aware of it certainly didn’t help and,coz small town in southern Italy,judging from some comments I heard there had been arrangements with a cop-roach inspector at the local police station,and possibly someone at the prosecutor’s office,to ensure it would be dismissed.It eventually did in september 2025,and,though I could have insisted and named possible names,I refrained from doing so,since suing LEOs and members of the judiciary without solid evidence,connections or the walth to hire a lawyer even more unscrupulous than them would have been akin to suing an organized crime boss without the guarantees and protection normally afforded to organized crime victims.
Also,let’s face it,given the nature of my accusations and the fact those living with me allegedly never heard anything,it would not have been too difficult to pass me off as completely out of my mind.
The spying,though,never subsided,and because of this I’ve spent the last 21 months and some days literally trapped in a nightmare,feeling stripped of my right to privacy (one of the worst violences one could be subjected to) as if I was on reality tv,with the obvious difference that those starring on realities are actors and what happens there is scripted.
Potential solution:throw away all your devices and change all your accounts? Not while I live there,since the router and all other devices in my home are compromised;in order to amount to something I would have to convince my family that they’re actually infected,and getting them to be forthcoming in that regard is impossible.
Other potential solution:get your devices audited by someone who specializes in computer security?Unless one wants to try a computer repairman at the shop around the corner,who’s unlikely to have the skills and expertise to solve the issue,”actual” cybersecurity experts are expensive.I emailed a consultant explaining the issue,and I was told the starting price for a thorough audit of the potentially infected devices would be 5000 euros,i.e. something north of 5000 usd,and beyond my budget.
What I could do,given the circumstances and my current budget,would be figuratively returning to the Stone Age and discarding all devices with data connectivity,pretty much giving up my digital identity,except for the fact that in this day and age you need a digital identity even just to look for a job.
IN A NUTSHELL:two weeks ago I moved to my parents’ oft-mentioned summer home,thus removing one of the main stressors,i.e. auditory exposure to the scum in my neighborhood,but still feel powerless and stuck in a rut,unable to try leave all of this behind and pretend nothing happened (as my idiot parents have long been condescendingly suggesting I do) and shrug off the ever-present feeling of unsafety.I find myself in a predicament I can’t get out of,and probably won’t get peace of mind till I’m able to get some assurances in that regard;should I ever reach the stage at which a healing process is supposed to start,said process will be long,possibly lifelong,and this knowledge alone is enough to further mess up my mood.
Since the post is already overwhelmingly long and I’m tired of writing I’ll currently leave it at this,though there’s a lot more to say,both about the position of my family in all of this,the toxic home environment and the vicious circle,in terms of thoughts and self-perception the continued abuse I endured has triggered.I might write a second tirade,later or in some days :D
1) .Apologies in advance,as this will be a long series of long walls of text.
2)Also,English is not my native language and I basically learnt it on the internet,so apologies if I sound verbose or long-winded.
3)Some will probably try and be nice,and tell me in a non-straightforward way that what I’m about to share is too far-fetched to be possibly true.I second that,it’s a kafkaesque story featuring an unlikely intersection of events,sounding straight out of a thriller movie.This alone has made me falter and overthink when trying to seek help,and the awareness it will downplayed to a complex schizophrenic fantasy,even by someone with genuinely good intentions,frustrated me to no end.But,as I wrote,what I need atm is mainly an outlet,writing for myself is still better than keeping everyhting bottled up inside me.
Starting from the beginning,been the walking stereotype of the nerdy and ugly teen growing up,and currently a not-too-nerdy but still as ugly young(ish) adult.Obviously I had to bear the brunt of my looks in terms of social outcomes,i.e. being pretty much a pariah and having to keep to a corner and make myself as invisible as possible in order not to get picked on,in time developing an avoidant personality.I'm not morbidly obese nor do I have burn scars all over my face and body,but I was and am ugly in a "striking" enough way that I would consistently appear as "weird/out of place".
At about 20,after a brief stint living on my own and attending classes at uni,given the lack of positive interaction(not that without some plastic surgery I would have found it,even had I tried to initiate it),and since I had to basically endure the not so occasional giggle or whispered comment wherever I went,I moved back to my parents',became pretty much an hikikomori and started avoiding leaving my home unless there was a serious reason warranting it.
My forced reasoning,in that regard,was and is that since exposing myself to crowds would only fill me with negativity,I'd better focus on finishing my uni studies (from textbooks,since attending lectures was apparently a luxury I could not afford) and limit as much as possible social exposure till I could get a qualified job and be in a position to at the very least get a nose job,and whatever other plastic surgery fix I'd end up needing,since my parents at the time(they're not multimillionaires,but they're by no means broke) categorically refused to cover such expenses.Needless to say that the consequences,both pyschological and in terms of personal development,of rejection and bullying for something beyond your control in your teens and early twenties are severe and often lifelong,but my parents either were/are too dumb to see that or couldn't give an f about it.
Fast forward to 2019:parents and brother leave to stay at a summer home in July/august,I stay home,and some neighbors with whom there was a somewhat 'tense' relationship start harassing me with constant profanity,jibes and not too flattering comments about my look,literally spending their whole days at this while sitting on their balconies.This morbid obsession,seemingly started out of the blue,could have some raise an eyebrow,and in this regard I point out it was people who probably had in turn their own mental health issues,i.e. an elderly couple with their NEET daughter and then in school/currently NEET grandson living with them,prone to violent shouting matches and domestic fights among them).In hindsight,given my “hikikomori” status,I was a subject of gossip for the "people" living in my condo,and the absence of my family kinda emboldened them to make a step they had long been contemplating).I realize this alone will sound far-fetched,but consider I live in a small town in southern Italy,the European equivalent of living in downtown Detroit or in a trailer park in Alabama,and the people living in my condo were either retired or unemployed,spending all the day on their balconies looking at the surroundings and chit-chatting feeding their twisted 'spirit of community';their criminal records might even have been clear,but we're talking about classless trash with mafia-like culture and upbringing that would possibly be enough to make a thug from downtown Detroit or a meth addict from an Alabama trailer park appear like gentlemen.
This made it for me:secluded in my own home to preserve my peace of mind,then feeling violated and harassed in my very home----->breakdown:panic attacks,anxiety,first onset of PTSD,requiring medication.Parents come back,I tell them the whole story,they start gaslighting me about the impossibility of what had transpired though they were not there to fact-check it,not sure if because of their naiveness or because believing my story would have made them feel obliged to confront,either personally or legally,those responsible,and they didn't want to jeopardise their relationships with their neighbors,so they looked for a "dialectic solution" of sorts.
Since as I initially looked for shrinks I brought my parents with me for support and the cues they gave,subtly or not so,made me sound like a schizo(and,given my looks,I might have looked the part as in 'therapist looking for an excuse to validate a sense of superiority or mundane stigma that would have otherwise been rooted in my appearance’) what happened got misunderstood and misdiagnosed,got prescribed medication for schizophrenia which only made me more miserable,only some six months later was able to get a therapist to give me sertraline.which gave me some relief.
Meanwhile the harassing continued but in a more subsided way:the remarks that had been incessant and triggered my 'crisis' become slightly less frequent and now spoken,albeit loudly,rather than downright shouted,in such a way that I,being now in a state of alertness/fight or flight mode,attuned my ear to them,whereas my parents and brother didn't;also,the original perpetrarors carry out an extensive gossip campaign among the others living in the condo and the neighborhood in general,taking some sort of perverted pride in the outcome of their harassment,so that some other pieces of ex- c rement took up the hobby of calling me names (taking care to do it discreetly:for instance,there was a vulgar woman often shouting remarks from her balcony,but suddenly becoming quiet whenever my mother would go out on our balcony to smoke a cigarette,per her habit).
This goes on until summer 2024,by the time I had developed coping mechanisms,out of need if not will,so I was less sensitive to the situation than I had initially been,but I still realized that enough was enough and decided to file a lawsuit:if my recount of what had been happening until then is implausible,what comes next will make one think that I'm a victim of Murphy's law or have a jinx on me,or otherwise reinforce the impression that I'm a schizo.
I make a mental commitment to file a lawsuit about the little setup in my condo in september (though,confronting my parents with the possibility,they make it clear that,as far as they're concerned,they'll say they never saw or heard anything,since,in my mother's words,almost verbatim,"you are the one shut at home,but we go out and meet those people face-to-face,that would be an embarrassment".Meanwhile I go spend the summer at my parents’ summer home at a seaside resort,the guest staying at the home next to mine takes an unhealthy interest in me for the usual reasons(i.e. butteface) and starts replicating the same scenario I had hoped to find temporary relief from. Since I had with me a small portable router for internet connectivity,it being a rural area,and he had apparently one of the same brand,I accidentally tried connecting to his using my network's password,he apparently was some sort of script kiddie/computer geek,and,in light of stuff that happened next and of a shouted threat on his behalf about infecting me with malware,he infected my devices with a rootkit or,at any rate,some sort of spyware.
Late in september 2024 I file a lawsuit (drafted on my own,not being able to afford a lawyer) against the riff-raff in my condo,judging from some comments I start hearing they're privy both to the fact they have been sued and to the content of the complaint I handed in,I initially dismiss it as suggestion on my part.More comments follow suit that make me suspect I'm being spied on my PC,and possibly also physically through some devices' cameras or sensors;I address the issue with my parents (this time justifiably skeptical),and later on my suspicions are confirmed by a phone call on speaker I hear going on in the apartment below mine (where the instigators of everything live),in which I hear,on the other end,the voice of a man speaking with the same vernacular accent as the fellow from the seaside resort (not local to my area),telling them,in a nutshell,he expected money in return if he were to 'free' their devices.
Apparently the poc had made good on his threat to infect me with spyware,and,one month after I left,his unhealthy interest had not subsided and he used to spy on me from time to time;seeing I was filing a lawsuit,he thought it amusing,since my complaint included the names and addresses of those I was suing,to reach out to them via social media or phone number found on Whitepages,to warn them of the impending lawsuit and extend to them the "spying privileges" by providing them some URL/app/whatever allowing them to spy on me through my devices.
This is the turning point at which the original harassment slowly but steadily turns into something even more degenerate:those the script-kiddy reached out to share whatever whatever tool they had gotten their hands on with other scum in the neighborhood,(where,in case it’s not obvious,by the time I had become laughing stock and a recurrent topic of conversation),the name-calling gradually gets supplemented and then replaced by not so hushed comments regarding my home life,my web browsing history and they seemingly even start taking pics or videos of me through some devices’ cameras or sensors.
As for the lawsuit,the fact my stalkers were aware of it certainly didn’t help and,coz small town in southern Italy,judging from some comments I heard there had been arrangements with a cop-roach inspector at the local police station,and possibly someone at the prosecutor’s office,to ensure it would be dismissed.It eventually did in september 2025,and,though I could have insisted and named possible names,I refrained from doing so,since suing LEOs and members of the judiciary without solid evidence,connections or the walth to hire a lawyer even more unscrupulous than them would have been akin to suing an organized crime boss without the guarantees and protection normally afforded to organized crime victims.
Also,let’s face it,given the nature of my accusations and the fact those living with me allegedly never heard anything,it would not have been too difficult to pass me off as completely out of my mind.
The spying,though,never subsided,and because of this I’ve spent the last 21 months and some days literally trapped in a nightmare,feeling stripped of my right to privacy (one of the worst violences one could be subjected to) as if I was on reality tv,with the obvious difference that those starring on realities are actors and what happens there is scripted.
Potential solution:throw away all your devices and change all your accounts? Not while I live there,since the router and all other devices in my home are compromised;in order to amount to something I would have to convince my family that they’re actually infected,and getting them to be forthcoming in that regard is impossible.
Other potential solution:get your devices audited by someone who specializes in computer security?Unless one wants to try a computer repairman at the shop around the corner,who’s unlikely to have the skills and expertise to solve the issue,”actual” cybersecurity experts are expensive.I emailed a consultant explaining the issue,and I was told the starting price for a thorough audit of the potentially infected devices would be 5000 euros,i.e. something north of 5000 usd,and beyond my budget.
What I could do,given the circumstances and my current budget,would be figuratively returning to the Stone Age and discarding all devices with data connectivity,pretty much giving up my digital identity,except for the fact that in this day and age you need a digital identity even just to look for a job.
IN A NUTSHELL:two weeks ago I moved to my parents’ oft-mentioned summer home,thus removing one of the main stressors,i.e. auditory exposure to the scum in my neighborhood,but still feel powerless and stuck in a rut,unable to try leave all of this behind and pretend nothing happened (as my idiot parents have long been condescendingly suggesting I do) and shrug off the ever-present feeling of unsafety.I find myself in a predicament I can’t get out of,and probably won’t get peace of mind till I’m able to get some assurances in that regard;should I ever reach the stage at which a healing process is supposed to start,said process will be long,possibly lifelong,and this knowledge alone is enough to further mess up my mood.
Since the post is already overwhelmingly long and I’m tired of writing I’ll currently leave it at this,though there’s a lot more to say,both about the position of my family in all of this,the toxic home environment and the vicious circle,in terms of thoughts and self-perception the continued abuse I endured has triggered.I might write a second tirade,later or in some days :D
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